in the abandoned palace sits an empty Seat
an arching Hall left empty after the retreat,
grab my hand grab my hand
let us depart the hallowed land!

rising Star a tangerine sky
mourning dove's calls echoed across the pond,
dew on blades of grass wove
and filled the endless plain.

I woke up I don't know where today
my exhaled breath fogged and dissipated
into mist, caught on the breeze
gone to who knows where
i haven't heard from one
who goes there.

who knows where
light and life go to hide
as the sun reaches higher into the sky,
a sky that doesn't look the same
from this side of the line

who can know
where the white streams of jets go
as their cutting lines dart across
the light blue canvas and fade away

to be one or the other
a choice like a ripple from a rock
tossed into the tranquil pond
an oasis where the animals come to drink
in the swirling scene of a tangerine sky.

Unarmed and
Alone

I'm not going to be
foolish

Don't manipulate me
I'm tired, uneasy

I tell myself
I'm taking a big risk

I'm far too deep
To surface in time

and as I stare into
your tired eyes, I wonder,
was I the rose you kept
or the dandelion you hid?

I’m losing myself
Or at least the lies
That build the walls
For two whole years
That keeps me sane
That kept me whole
Cause what he did
Did take a toll
Now the dice I roll
Tell me to speak
Leaving the pain at it’s peak
Cause words aren’t real until they are
And speaking them has left a scar
The kind that makes you question who you are
Leaving my sanity in its wake
And I can’t even catch a brake
And I know that I have made it far
But I’m numb inside …

And when I’m not
I’m waiting for my blood to clot
Apologies running endlessly
Cause I’m ashamed of who I am
I like the mask
I like the persona I devised
The one I built up on those lies
And now they’re gone and here I am
More broken then I’ve ever been
A burden to the only friend
I’ve ever told those cursêd words
That show you what I truly am...

The lies are happiness I fear
And who I am is nowhere near
Being anything but sad
And a little hurt
And a little mad
The walls I built came crashing down
Now at my feet
in them I drown
I need to heal my broken heart
And I do not know where to start
Plus my grades have missed their mark
And honestly I want to die
But I’m to ******* scared to try
Jumping off the edge to fly
So I sit here asking why?
And pondering to myself
who am I?

a question i got asked today and my answer was necessary i feel:
it’s to make someone happy
feel wanted
build confidence
learn how to maintain a relationship
learn from it
then one would most likely end up loving the person
then it turns into comfort
basically a necessity
it takes over their thoughts so i think it’s just a way a person makes it through life but maybe that crazy and it’s really just for fun

who do i be
when the world
doesn't want me

When

When can I stop pretending...
that I do not feel the pain,
that I am not happy,
that my heart is aching,
that I am dying?

When can I say...
that I am totally tired,
that I am already weak,
that I am am truly sick,
that I am seeking your love and attention?

When can I let myself...
feel the warmth of embrace,
heard the words of encouragement,
read a letter full of hopes,
see the beauty of life,
and indulge into happiness without being left behind?

It all starts with WHEN...
and I am still hoping that the ANSWERS are only within my reach
until the last days of my life comes to an end.