If you drive down route 235,
the lonely parallel line of route 5,
running through St. Mary's County, Maryland,

between the intersection of Old Three Notch road
and St. Andrew's Church road,
and the liquor store at the corner of Mattapany--
you must do so with a fat wallet,
and a growling stomach,

who barks at the flashing signs
of the sparkling chain restaurants--
wafting their familiar scents out the windows
and onto the busy street.

Utterly beleaguered every which way by these olfactory factories,
your mouth waters and your wallet lightens
as the tantalizing sensations
permeate your vehicle.

So you cave;
another lost soul vacates the street at Restaurant Alley,
under the prowling searchlights
and the intoxicating smells lingering like a dense fog;

You linger in your purgatory with glee.

You exit satisfied, patting your abdominous belly
and lifting your smiling face to the sky
in thanks to the gluttonous gods
who rain down these chain restaurants
from the heavens.

A satisfied sigh seeps out of loose lips,
barely hanging on to your fleshy face,
so ruddy and fat.

You act like your stop was something novel,
like it wasn't routine to acquiesce to these temptations;
you return to your car to continue your roamings
down restaurant alley.

Sadly, a full stomach won't stifle a querying nose,
and your senses are soon at it again;
just as the waiters and waitresses,
cooks and busboys--
are back at the window, leaning outside
with their clamorings and bustlings and cookings--

You pretend to entertain willpower as your copilot,
but even if that were so,
your senses would still be at the wheel,
with your mind bound and gagged in the trunk.

Restaurant Alley goes on for miles and miles and miles,
seemingly endless in the permeating fog of
burgers and pancakes and pasta and chicken and fries and burgers and soda and ice cream and beer and pasta and wine and America and pancakes and steak and appetizers and desserts and entrees and specials and kids menus and burgers and chicken and pasta and fries and burgers and ice cream and salad and burgers and soda and eat and eat and eat and eat and eat!

There's nothing to eat;
there's nothing to do but eat in Restaurant Alley,
on route 235 in St. Mary's County, Maryland.

So fasten your seat belt,
and loosen your waist belt,
and take a doomed trip down the endless roadway--

where you are dragged, shackled to food chains
that haul you from the perdition that is the lobby's waiting room
to be seated with loved ones at the mercy seat of Ambrosia.

my mouth mechanically moves
wouldyoulikeabaghereisyourreceiptthankyousomuchforcominginh­aveaniceday
i wonder how many times i have said the same sentence in the last half hour
as those recycled, rearranged letters
squeak, tired, from the middle of my throat
a laugh, fake, tense, comes from my nose
as i feel what little soul there was in me to begin with
die
this can't be it
this can't be all there is
the helpless thoughts slide sluggishly by
what is the point of surviving so much
when this is all i have to look forward to?

oh honey,
i'm having trouble breathing
as the tears mix up with sweat
and the ragged breaths won't rest
i'm still trapped in this purgatory
between forgiveness and regret
or maybe
just disgust and resentment

when will this waiting
ever end?

it all started with
a night of poetry and music
between artists and lovers,
making music and art
like they do when making love
speaking in tongues and lust
even angst from their lungs

but i was with him
all through the night
when i knew
all i wanted was
to be with you

oh if you only knew
this silence leaves me blue
between lingering breaths
and cigarette smoke
i still yearn to be with you

so maybe it was the
excessive alcohol or ******* poetry
or maybe the live music
blended together in loneliness
and yearning
or is it the blank statement
against the white wall?

but this confusing as ****

my thoughts were swimming
in beer, nothing more
and at the very back of it
was you sleeping
but subconscious tried to
wake you up
poke you with what ifs
and what nots

i pulled out my phone
and let my loneliness overcome
didn't know it was wrong
like dominoes they all fall
one by one
realization built a spark
as my conscious came apart

tore my heart out the next day
i used the aftermath's blood
to write you an apology
filled with regret and dismay
29 hours after
i used my crafted letters
to sincerly construct
a sorry

but you said to wait,
until the demons go
until you find yourself
at peace whenever
you look at me

and i did. i did wait.
amidst the confusion and regret,
i'm still waiting for you
to rip my walls down
and envelop me in
your arms

but purgatory's version
of a painful torture is
in the mind games,
after all
setting up fires
that can burn you alive

keep in mind
what my mother used
to say about flames,

"don't set yourself
on fire
to keep the others
warm."

I wasn't afraid if the Devil sent you to me. In fact, if it was the Devil then this would all make complete sense. But the thing I'm terrified of is if God was the one who brought you to me. I wondered if you were a test- some graded assignment I had to complete to get to the Gates of Heaven.

Yet after meeting you, I didn't want to ascend into the Gates of Heaven. I wanted to stay on Earth, still using 24 hours trying to figure out why we are here. I wanted to stay in Purgatory, sinking my nails into the depth the darkness while you hold me up. I wanted to descend into the hole of hell to feel comfortable in the fire with you. All I wanted was you- in each stage of hell or life. I wanted you.

You see, thats why I think God gave me you. I think God gave me a test, and I'm still not sure if I passed or not.