I don't want to keep being your maybe
I don't want to keep being your hypothetical
I don't want to keep being your shadowed fantasy
I don't want to keep being your naughty little secret
I don't want to keep being your ***** on the back burner
I don't want to keep being your inferior alternative
I don't want to keep being plan B

I want to be the girl, the one, you know what I mean

The laugh that keeps you craving more and more
The smile that makes a day full of rain feel like a sunflower garden
The touch that makes the pains of yesterday feel non existent
The snicker that reminds you of play time as a 6 year old
The sarcasm that keeps you on your toes
The soft voice that makes you think about how good of a partner I would be
The drive that makes you want to be a better man, better future husband, future father

Instead, I am the token of *** that makes you hard
Instead, I am the moan that distracts you from your problems you pretend to ignore
Instead, I am the breath of fresh air that reminds you how suffocated you have felt for years
Instead, I am the burden that you can't seem to ignore
Instead, I am the voice in the back of your head telling you that you need to make a decision and you hate me for that

I don't want to fall for you. But I think it's five months too late for those emotions

You said you were the one
You said that  you were it
But you were wrong
You claimed I needed to be with you
So I clung to you
I needed you to simply be
Because i thought that you were me
I thought living was inside my head
I thought performance was winning
And equated with existence.
Every part of you is not me
Though I've grown with you
And traced you back to the age of three
You are not me but merely a distraction
From seeing the ethereal before me
From living out the plays inside my head
From conforming to the reality that attention is not needed
Recognition is not imperative
Success is not vital
To live extraordinarily.
You are just a distraction from who I need to be
And as I fall and trip and stumble back into the pleasure of your continuous movie reel
I see the world and I see me and I remember the presence of who I am supposed to be
All in the moments that you are not there
And still I struggle
But I know now that you are not who I was destined to be,
And maybe I’m not special
Or all i thought I’d be
But with you, I’ll never reach my dreams
And I’ll never reach me
Until I hit pause on the remote
And eject this fantasy DVD.

Words to make others laugh,
Laughter to make them believe,
Smile to cast no doubt,
Don’t feel pain.
Put on a facade for the rest
At home back into the nest.
Don’t let them see
Be filled with glee.
They only know
What you show.
Put on your facade as an aide
To make them laugh.

Don't pretend
that you were trying
to save me when
you were the one
who let me
drown.

You're nothing but a jester
exploiting me to win my crown.