I'm drowning.
You give me
too much water!

I'm drowning.
There are so many
thoughts
in this mind of mine.
I'll have cried a river of
tears
before the night is passed.
I'm drowning.

I'm wilting.
I get too much sun
in this window!

I'm wilting.
There's too much
pressure
on me while I'm all but alright.
I don't know how
I could ever be
enough.
I'm wilting.

I'm breaking.

Slowly, on the inside,
in the depth of my
soul,
I am breaking,
drowning in thoughts,
wilting away.

I am drowning.
I am wilting.
I am broken.

And I am not enough.

My love is like a seed
In the middle of spring
Sprouting with the weeds
Like befriending an enemy.

As the flower gets bigger,
And the summer gets warmer
My skin is burnt
And my heart has toiled

As the flower weakens,
In autumn it bends
Its leaves slowly fall,
Its color slowly fades

The flower wilted and froze
In the winter, ice as its foe
As the heat turned to snow,
In the end, I was buried below.

I bought sunflower seeds and planted them in a little *** on my window sill
I watered and tended to the leaves everyday
Every time the leaves seemed sick or browning
I had to hold back tears as I cut away the rot
Is it weak or dumb of me that I cried?
Like witchcraft I cared for that flower as if it were our love
As the leaves would rot so too did our hearts
As the petals fell so too did your love for me
And in every falling petal
Every cut leaf
Every inch of that flower
I felt you grow farther and farther out of reach from me

I had the sudden thought “...and I’m the thing he doesn’t mind losing”

It was a little tornado of thought that I quickly put inside a mason jar and placed on a wooden shelf in my living room.

I sat on the couch across from it observing it and watching it stir.

“What a thought”

How destructive it could be to let that little storm out. It could grow and it’s winds could slowly start to peel off the walls and start to take down the roof.


So, I closed my eyes, cupped my hands and I thought of your smile–warm and tender. When I opened my eyes, a seedling had grown over my left palms.

“How beautiful”

I contemplated putting it in glass encasement, to watch it from afar, but instead I decided to take it outside and plant it near the middle of my front garden.

“This is what I want to cultivate” a flourishing sprout of life; a garden of plenitude.

You are entangled
In the vines of a 
codependent ****.
It will eventually **** the life
Out of you,
but only because
You allowed it too.

You didn’t need to
put yourself in it’s path
and offer yourself
like a sacrifice in waiting
- But you like the idea that someone else has the power to ruin you in the way you are too scared to do.

You didn’t need to
give your essence over
to something that will devour
anything that moves
- But you don’t believe your worth is more than being somebody else’s emotional feed bank.

You didn’t need to
willingly wait for death
while their vines held you down
and choked on your broken pieces
- But you don’t know how to survive in a world that is not dependant on you fixing it while leaving your damage to die.

You will be consumed
by the toxins
of a carnivorous friend,
and you will sit by and watch
while they burn the world down
around you
and still offer
your bones to be their home.