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Molly Sea Aug 2020
I want to learn how to pray.
A simple mind
trusting in a single light
that you can't see with open eyes

I am led in myriad directions by flashes in the haze
Paths lit up for a second
Pale lights illuminating so many words

Where is the single light?
Where is the ground?

I am a hazy figure reaching through walls
I float over the earth and I cannot plunge my fingers into wet soil.
My thoughts are abstract,
I cannot reach into the soil and grasp specifics.

A single light in a single moment, illuminating one place,
And my hands gripping earth

A word that shoots into the heart and rocks you, reverberates in your ribcage

A light that shines not on the path ahead but bursts from my heart to show me I can walk

You see yourself lit up and it illuminates everything.
I have to trust that you can see me,
When I can't see myself and I can't see you.

I have to trust that you are there shooting sounds into my heart,
And I will try to listen.
Molly Sea Aug 2020
In the long, dark times before the start
I waited in the moonflower garden.
The vines grew strong, with pointed leaves
Toxic nightshade, witches w**d

I took them and wound them around my body,
Tight like linen cloth.
Through paralysis my bound eyes saw
Petals unfurl like napkins, new moon
Glowing ghostly white
Too pale to exist in daylight but

In the stillness of surrender,
Where I could not speak, nor move, I saw
Nightmares bloom as wisdom
.
Last night I came across moonflowers by chance. Struck by the name, I went down a rabbit hole of reading about how its flowers open at night so fast you can watch, about its mythology of blooming from the chest of Shiva after he ate poison, and about its use by indigenous peoples as a medicinal and visionary plant, as well as reading people’s crazy reports of symptoms while under its psychedelic influence. This poem was the result.
Molly Sea Aug 2020
The truth is, I am not much at all
I love the light refracted
Through the hanging glass.
The avocado plant
Dancing on the windowsill,
The mustard walls.

The tension in my shoulders,
I love that too.
The mahogany table,
Him at the piano.

I reflect it all
I am a node where all this meets.
Little piano tones
Little knots in the stomach.
Molly Sea Aug 2020
So why didn't you just stop -
Sit down on a bench and feel
The pain that you sent into the world
And left like handprints where you flung out your arms?

I can't slow you down in my mind.
I see blurred edges, I see scraps
Hurled all around me in the air,
Gusts where you've been.

What does it look like at the eye of the storm?
I asked you to look, once,
But you had grit in your eyes.
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