I messed up the other day,
I was out on my way,
To Get some sodas for a party,
Passing up Honda's and Harley's,
On my 44-Inch long-board,
Going and coming back with no reward,
Cause I was going 30 down the street,
The road was slick, I slipped and tried to land on my feet,
But I was going too fast,
I must've missed the forecast,
And it was pitch black,
So, who knew it was wet,
Flipped a couple times, messed up my back,
And whiplash to my neck,
Had to walk five minutes back home,
Tried to wave down cars but I continued to roam,
Cause nobody's tryna' pick up a ****** man,
On the side of the street that can barely stand,
Eventually got home to the poker party,
Parents looked at me and yelled, "Good God Almighty",
Go clean yourself up, you might need stitches,
Where's your long-board, I said it's back in one of the ditches,
Hopped in the shower to clean out the dirt,
But the pressure on the wounds really hurt,
The adrenaline rush dulled the pain,
But it was ending, blood dripping down the drain,
I brought up this story three days later,
Not to show you that I'm a bad skater,
But to show that the hole in my heart, that massive crater,
Hurts more than all my physical pain, yeah, it's a lot greater,
Never felt pain like a broken heart,
It is literally off the charts,
They asked me for my pain level,1-10,
It hurts like the devil, I said eleven,
Thousand four hundred sixty-eight,
Below sixty-nine, let's get one thing straight,
It was only a kiss and an exchanging of words,
For two and a half months but now that's for the birds,
Apparently, because emotions mean nothing,
When you're a ***, but to me they mean something,
Now I think I got my point across,
Now I'll go back to enduring my albatross,
Now I'll hold my pillow tighter in the night,
Cause I left a killer, a beautiful white,
Girl that left me to die,
You think you're so ******* sly,
Going around with different guys,
Making all of them cry,
Buying into all of your lies,
Now my anger is getting to me,
I should leave, I should say goodbye,
I can't perceive even though I have good eyes,
That's the last time I'm deceived,
By a girl that has disguised,
Herself to look like an angel,
I'm not mad though,
I just want to strangle,
Anyone that wants you,
I'll stop now, I'm so confused,
I've been bruised, misused, then refused,
A relationship, man this is abuse,
You're the only one that's amused,
I can't stop the rhyming yo,
This must be diffused,
Now my motto is bros before hoes,
It's time to elude...

An open door
Closed windows
Looking into the depths of my soul
Can I really see anything
Or am I blamed for something I did not do
Can you catch a glimpse of what is truly in my heart
In my soul I am kind and free
Please take what you can from this and live
Waves come crashing down to destroy where we stood
Can you ever forgive for something I did not do
How and what you expect from me is not always up to you
If only there was no barrier in communication
From heat I drip condensation
All those sensations you have our nice and all
Passion comes from the truth inside
Not physical sensation that puts you on roller coaster ride
So united we stand divided we fall
You did this
You just say I do it all

Broken Boy, Broken Boy, Please do not cry!
Your eyes is filled with terrified tears.
Can you see your father is nearby?
His eyes burns with the fury of Ares-
Causes your spirit to whimper in fear.
Like fragile porcelain dolls been shattered,
He brutally beats your bruised body-
Leaves your spirit broken and battered

Broken Boy, Broken Boy, Please do not cry!
Oh be a sweet darling good boy and listen!
Can you hear the sound of your father’s fist crunch?
Drowning in deluge of emotional distress,
Your eyes has lost its innocent glisten.
With each punch,
Your aura of gentleness gradually dies.
Your heart cold like gargoyles in fortress

Broken Boy, Broken Boy, Please do not cry!
The Broken Boy has now become a Man.
His haughty handsome face sneers with disdain.
His soul now barren as the desert of Afghan.
His subconscious mind haunted by past pain.
Lost in the wilderness of his own wrath,
His breath is drunk with the taste of violence,
Has he grown up to be a psychopath?

Broken Boy, Broken Boy, Please do not cry!
You have become a man of vendetta!
Following the footsteps of your father-
Belt your boy till his skin turns magenta-
His affection for you begins to languish.
This abuse is a never-ending cancer.
Like you, your son shall wear a mask of anger
To camouflage his heart’s suppressed anguish.

Broken Boy giving birth to another Broken Boy
Will the curse of Broken Boy ever end?

EXPECTATIONS, what are expectations?
It was a 12-letter word that I’ve set as a standard
Where anything way below, acceptance is just too hard
It was the moment I kept myself away from freedom,
Freedom of doing what I want to do
Freedom of not having fun to what I love.

Am I still the person who is willing to win this battle?

Now that I think of it,
Your opinion affects my system as it greatly matters.
I lose self-reliance because our belief prominently differs
Your words direct my capacity into incapability

I lost myself,
I lost my long-term built confidence, just so yours be followed.
I believed I never made the right choice,
The moment your opinion kept the majority’s mind closed.
I was never person I ought to be.
I was blinded by the pressure you form inside me
Letting me consider I wasn’t doing enough,
Luring me into what our society want,
Persuading me that in all things that I do, I can’t.
No, I am not a loser but. . .
I’m tired.
Set by high expectations
Labelled by your opinions
and
Filled by Pressure
Can I survive this battle?
These three just consumed my positivity.
All I have wasn’t enough,
my fighting spirit reached its limit,
I think I’ll be losing the battle.
I think I need to quit.
I quit.

I quit reaching your expectations
I quit on becoming a puppet of your opinion
I quit being a slave of pressure.
I’ll quit just so I could win this battle.

I’ll stand on my own standards and expectations
I’ll do what I think is best for me even though failure would arrive and teach me a lesson
Societal standards are up but I’ll set my own
I’ll be the queen of my freedom, where positivity overflows and life continuously goes on

Your opinion may somewhat matter
But you can’t have the compass to my journey of becoming stronger
I’ll be learning to eliminate
Just for my self-choices could dominate
I’ll turn pressure into power,
Power to survive, power to become better
I will win this battle.
No more expectations,
No insignificant opinion
No more peer-pressure to stop this motion.
No more stops just rest.
Victory is in me, all I have was the best.
I am a quitter on quitting.

Warm summer nights
Intended to be surrounded
By fireflies and kisses
Replaced by “hell smiles”.

Those smiles I would give
When the world was bad
But making you mad
Would make it worse.

Living through hell
With a smile on my face
For years on end
Getting comfortable there.

I unpacked my thoughts
With the occasional housewarming gift
Quickly followed by the
Beer trickled fingertips.

If those sticky fingertips
Saw anything but my fake joy
I’d be reminded I was in hell,
So, I smile.

Liquor bottles tipped over
Spit in my face from the sharp
Sound of the start of the word
“*****”.

That’s what I am.
A ***** who smiles through hell.
A ***** who catches your fall,
And keeps you from jail.

Hell smiles.
The one thing that keeps me sane
Through the nights of your terror
Is smiling in my living room of your brain.

Here, bruises are like weeds;
Insignificant, a nuisance.
Up my arms, down my legs,
Another night I smiled in hell.

But I moved out of that living room.
I forgot how to smile in hell.
And you didn’t like that,
So you found someone who could.

Now I’m alone in hell
Forgetting how to leave
And grasping for more
Than hell smiles.