a child
So small and fragile
So innocent and strong
So delicate and alive
So wanting to belong

you*
So cold and unforgiving
So weak and towering
So uninhibited and fumbling
So dead and crumbling

You turned the child into you
You made **** sure of that
You turned the child against the world
You made its foundation crack

The child wanted to breathe
The child wanted to laugh
The child needed love
The child got none back

M*  *is for the way you made me miss out on my childhood
O  is for how ostracized you made me feel in my own skin
T  is for the the times you thought I was an adult when I was still a child
H  is for the hours I stood up waiting for you to come home
E  is for the empty feeling you left in my heart
R  *is for the mutual resentment we carry

From the very first
she gently lifts him
pushes him to breathe
and so the learning starts

He is so clumsy
as she teaches him to swim
she laughs a gentle mother’s laugh
if inwardly

No arms to discipline or hug
yet what a heart to give
to her one small and only son
just twelve feet long at birth

One distant day he’ll near her length
at forty-five or so
and shall remain
the most important thing
to her
upon this Earth

You were supposed to protect me
Your little girl
Your little angel
Your only child

You might've loved me
At one time
I think you ended up resenting me
But that's fine

Subjected to your selfish tirades
Put through your gruesome facades
Held up on a pedestal
Only to be pushed down
Your once endearing smile
Now causes me to frown

Everytime the bottle went up
My heart sank down
I begged you
I pleaded you
You weren't there
Not even when I needed you

Sure, you were physically there
But mentally, you were so unaware
Or maybe you were
And just didn't care

You got in your car
Went out for smokes
You were hazy
And at this point, I went crazy
Who were you to risk a life?
Not your own
But maybe somebody's wife?
Somebody's husband?
Somebody's kid?

You don't even care about your own
And I don't think you ever did

When I gaze into the mirror
my mother's eyes peer out
on the first day with a twinkle
on the next a wistful pout
Though our eyes are different colors
more alike we are then no
still her thoughts to me a mystery
she may never choose to show

The mirror on another day
my grandmother becomes
watching birds at breakfast
saving them the finest crumbs
Formidable and frightening
she could also often be
all too human and imperfect
still she helped to make me me

Great-grandmother another day
the mirror then became
though much lighter of complexion
now the eyes were much the same
Though a humorous and honest soul
emotions quite repressed
she affects me still more deeply
than I ever would have guessed

Today within the looking glass
the only face I see
is the youngest culmination
of these elder women three
And I see them all within me
in my talents and my quirks
still I wish that they had taught me
how to stay away from jerks.

F
A
T
H
E
R
                       WHAT
           D
           O
           E
           S

THIS

                                                        ­  WORD

MEAN?



IT MEANS

           CHALLENGE

STRENGTH

                               C O N N E C T I O N
                                                       H
                                                       R
                                                       O
                                                       U
                                                       G
                                                       H

LOVE



                                       BUT
                                    NOT
                     ­            LIKE
                              MOTHERS
                      ­           LOVE
                          

                              ­                       DAD
                                                     LOVE
IS

            DIFFERENT



HARDER                                          ­TO

                                  SP
                        ­         OT

CONTAINED

                               C O N T
                                           A
                                    G     I
                                    N I N

HARDER

                                       LIKE
                                       A
                                       WALL


BUT THERE  N O N E  T H E  L E S S

like a flowing river

THAT LEADS TO THE SEA

         TO THE ANCESTORS

                   TO THE  S O U L

                            OF A MAN

Annie darling,

We may not be able to build the space ship you wanted
It's not that you weren't a good girl,
nor was it because you didn't pass the soccer trials

We may not also get you the hairpin you wanted,
the one encrusted in silver,
lined with satin
and chiseled by the finest sculptor

Once again, it wasn't because you forgot your homework
nor was it because you yelled at me


Annie darling,
We love you.

Just maybe not today.

It seems hard

But not concequential

To understand but still neglect the inner meaning

I've been meaning to look at you and understand a man

Mixed signals and arguments

Sacrasm and bombardments

Is all it gets

And I'm sure we have our differences

But I'm tired of it

Their is a void in myself

Where the desolate roam

And more seem to go

Underhanded it may seem but it seems to me

That this won't be fixed

I feel like it's the only way we communicate

My opinions spark the outrages

Now this feeling I'm gauging

Seems Amiss

There is rouble afoot

And the footstep I can't follow

Won't follow

Seems out of place

I guess even a parent is a person

And it's not the worst version

Of revaluations

Can't we relate the more in realize it's a debate

I'm trying

But im done trying

Let it repeat