loneliness,
cold and empty as
the winter sun
it slithers in
the back of my mind
coiled around every
doubtful thought,
encasing them in a prison of
paranoia.

i wonder who i am in
your mind,
a withering flower,
a wavering voice over
the phone?

i am afraid of how you
see me,
how one day, my fear may
overflow, making me
unredeemable.

oh, how i try so hard
not to wither in your eyes,
not to fall or need
reassurance.

i try to be a fairy,
a maiden, a wonderful
mystery
but the spell has fallen away
leaving only myself,

and i have never felt
more alone.

i went off grid
    in search of peace of mind
but guess what i found
      i found chaos awaiting me
in the fortress of my solitude
peace was nowhere to be found
         only broken mirrors on the floor
reflecting anxiety in every frame
the skeletons of paranoia creeped out of every closet i opened...

In the crowd, I feel alone.
The eyes looking at me -
They pierce through to my bone.
In them looks, I see their raw thoughts.

In the crowd, I feel alone.
The hands that reach for me -
No longer do I trust. For every time
I reached out, they were but a mere mirage.

In the crowd, I feel alone.
The words they say -
Their praises bounce off like raindrops on a gamp
Yet their criticisms - they stink me like a bee.

In the crowd, I feel alone.
Each time, a battle of them v/s Me-
I feel their weapons; I feel my adrenaline rush
Yet I am the only one on the battle field.
The battle rages on somewhere within me.

an old, decayed mine, far from civilization
psychotic warriors occupy alleys, resolutely
this here is their last match, the death match
only one survivor remains, bloodbath

walls are covered with intestines and *****
fuckburst killed five, a female voice moaning:
double ****, multi ****, mega ****, ultra ****!
each increase is arousing our speaker

unreal tournament, land of fun and gore
your addiction is called "flag canon",
"rocket launcher" or "monster ****"
i'm all in now, no worries, no regrets

bloodshed covers you in bloodred
but i don't know the truth, barktooth
we are drinking silver-blue fantasies
as bullets spraypaint your apartment

you switched the game off, but the
monsters are attacking you, warrior
vibrating echoes and their dark voices
in rainbows, in rockets, in repetitions

shadows eat up your courage
motionless, swooshing swoosh
you are trapped inside their thoughts
no chance to escape, you get crazy