I saw you again today
It’s been a while but once again feelings came flooding
my mind opened them like flood gates
Unfortunately I couldn’t stop them in time
I went back to being that small child in elementary school thinking to myself “this isn’t right”
How dare I let this happen to myself and how dare I not tell anyone
but see that’s the thing
people believe that when you get molested or ***** that your first instinct is to tell someone
but really it’s not
it’s to tuck it away in your mind so deep that you don’t even want to think about it
but it always comes back up
it always ends up floating to the surface somehow
I still don’t tell very many people
but when I saw you today I wondered to myself
do you even think about what you did to me?
do you think about it every day like I do?
or is it just a distant memory to you?
Then again, you enjoyed it so why would it bother you.

My thoughts race
So does the heart,
Happens so often
It feels default.

My fingers fail me,
I cannot type.
My hand shivers,
Can’t hold the pen right.

I feel ants crawling
At the back of my head.
I know there are none
But can’t help be afraid.

I try taking a deep breath,
Always end up in a cough.
Paranoia is ingrained,
It can’t get enough.

they're here, i said, we've gotta run fast.
who's here, he said.
they're here to get me, i said, don't you hear them?
hear what, he said.
the voices, i said, the scraping on the wall, getting closer and closer and closer and closer... they're going to hurt me, they're going to.
you're okay, he said
they're hurting me, i said, they're here, right here, it hurts.
they're not, he said, it's all in your head.
deep breath, deep breath, now open your eyes.

I feel the water against my skin
I know when I am almost drowning
I can sense the snakes poking my atmosphere
As I draw my knife.


One of my eyes pinned
The other one the watch
Because I am naked
And nothing will hurt me again.

Crooked liars every last,
stinking
one of them,
Snakes in the grass!
To hell I send!

I lasted too long to
feel so wrong,
I smiled too much
to shed
a tear,
I don't want I don't belong!
I don't know fear!

I drank too much to be,
at home,
alone with everyone,
I cry! I crawl, I scream!
The filthy deed is done!

**** homini lupus est!
A carnivorous pest!

Sons and daughters
****** and paupers!

Ad cineram nihil est!
All the claims have been refuted!
Beware the snake, Beware the traitor!
Et tu, Brute?

Your smile can't hide the darkness you carry.

My anxiety is a large fur coat.
Its made of dead things
But it keeps me safe from the elements.
I overheat, most likely because I keep it on too much.
I don't want to risk a sudden cold front.
I don't want to ever be exposed to the elements again.