every night, before I let my mind rest
I slip off my clothes
and indulge my raw, naked self
in a bath of memories.
I let the harsh water
trickle over every inch of me,
until it reaches my chest
and fills my heart with frost.
I try to scrub the guilt
off my skin,
I try to lather the regret
out of my hair,
and to ignore the feeling of the memories
hovering over my femininity
until I can't take it
anymore.
so I drain the water out of my tub
and the memories out of my mind
and i slip on my robes
and try to stop thinking
for a while, as I sleep.
but tonight*, when I pool in the water
and it trickles all over me
my heart is not filled with frost
it is filled with rigged ice.
i am filthy,
the guilt does not wash away
the regret still clings to me.
and as I try to breathe
I want to ignore the memories
that flood my femininity
but they make their way up
and into my body
and into my mind.
today, I can't ignore it
it's all too much to bear
and I can't take it
anymore
so I slip into the water
and it suddenly becomes warm
and washes away my clouded thoughts
I am flooded with a new feeling
of pooling red peace
as I sink under
and try to *stop thinking, as I rest
and hope to never wake up
and have to think again.
I take my final guilty breath.
This poem, definitely not my best work, is a way of dealing with my thoughts.
It is about a girl who is haunted by her memories of being *****, and instead of talking to others about it, she wants to believe she is strong enough to take it on her own.
But she isn't, and that ends up being her fatal flaw.
Don't be afraid to ask for help. Your thoughts can drown you just as easily as water can.
