How much ******* can I take,
Before i can stop being fake,
Plastic smiles and bandaged hearts,
I can't keep pushing around this heavy cart,
Weight added from my broken soul,
Right in my chest where you left a hole,
I feel so hollow since you left,
I can still remember all the promises you said,
But they were all lies dipped in venom,
And you now dance in the darkness of my mind with my demon,

Please don't contact me when you get out,
I'd rather stay lost than found,
I'm shattered right now trying to pick up pieces,
And if you touched even one shard, I'd fragment beyond reason,

I loved you with every part of my bruised being,
I can't explain this heartbroken feeling,
No more cuddling during the day,
Not talking to you when I feel like I'm going to fray,
No I love yous on your side,
While I take my feelings and hide,
But I wasn't pretending towards the end,
t told you I felt, and you still chose someone else,
And now I feel like I'm not enough, used and left to break,
Alone, in my sadness, and I still love you, though I wish it was hate,

Please don't contact me when you get out,
I'd rather stay lost than found,
I'm shattered right now trying to pick up pieces,
And if you touched even one shard, I'd fragment beyond reason,

And when I overdosed on purpose, and you didn't even write,
While now you've lost your every single right,
To ever contact me again,
To be considered even a friend,
Because to know that I could have died,
And you didn't care enough, to spit out a lie,
About caring about me or what happens,
While I hope your future is anything but happy,
I wish you suffering and pain and honestly to be cursed,
Because to not hear from you, that was the worst,

Please don't contact me when you get out,
I'd rather stay lost than found,
I'm shattered right now trying to pick up pieces,
And if you touched even one shard, I'd fragment beyond reason.

1 pill
2 pill
3 pill
4
How many will it take
To knock me to the floor
Heart racing fast
Feeling it as last
Is this a fantasy
Or just the end of me
My head is spinning
The world is dizzy
I may just overdose
To feel something

I woke up, in hospital, the visions and dreams I had were scary.
Some were real, some were not.
I thought the dream of actually being in hospital was a nightmare.
Then I realized, the suicide attempt didn't work.
I vomited everything out, but some of it is still in my system, making me very drowsy, this isn't a poem, it's a confession.
I attempted to **** myself, but it wasn't the right time.
I have faint memories of what happened.
Most of them were scary as I was drugged on the medication, seeing delusions that weren't real.
I won't do it again, I learnt my lesson.
My mom brought me home, to keep an eye on me and give me direction, I'm doing well, yet, still very drowsy and nauseous.
She flew all the way down to see me in hospital, I was in ICU for 3 days.
I almost died, if I closed my eyes before the ambulance came, I would've.
That was the point, but, it was all an illusion.
Never overdose on your prescribed bipolar meds.
Never overdose on anything.
...
Never attempt suicide

She was once unadorned
a translucent flesh
never been consumed
by the noxious feeling of romance

The first time she tasted one
it was bubbly and bright
though in the end
left her veins blue and bitter

But the yearning left
of the flutter and lift
albeit the eventual overdose
might cause her skin numb and cold

Counting
Saving
Stashing.

How many will work?

Or! Maybe I can
disassemble
my Pencil Sharpener.

Or better yet,

Knit a long,
Skinny,
Scarf.

Where to hang it though?

Perhaps I could take a
Too Hot
Bath,

And sit till it's cold.

Maybe...
Weigh myself,
Until I'm satisfied

That'd do it too.

What can I say
I'm trying to send a message
A few words to portray
Exactly what's going on in my head
Things really aren't clear
I feel a bit dead
I don't know why I'm here
I need to get up, and get ahead
Outpace them all
Like I know I can
Scale the "impossible" wall
An became a woman
I know I'm strong
I know I'm intelligent
I admit when I'm wrong
(can't find a rhyme but you get the hint)
I'm a critical thinker
I see through the lines
But my mind's beginning to splinter
I'm not actually fine
The world's driving me mad
And I'm feeling homicidal
Then  stop feeling bad
For being suicidal
I don't like it here enough
To put up with ****
Lights out like *****
Don't think I tried well I did
Four times in one year
Guess I really wanna get out of here
I spilled one last tear
And knew death was near
First time I cut a tad too deep
Second time I took a little too much Paracetamol
Next I tried to hang myself, failed and felt like a creep
Then I thought a lot about jumping off of walls
Finally I overdosed
I was home alone
No one knows
It hurt a lot
My life flashed before my eyes
I knew I was going to die
Somehow I woke up alive
And now I'm here writing dumb ****...
And thinking about number five

She was the pill
I was the addict
Now I’m just trying to overdose

the hollowest point
went through my hand into you
and took you away

dear world,

or.

at least,
this one,
where nobody knows me,
where nobody can really hurt me,
because,
how am I supposed to feel hurt by someone or something I don't even know?

anyways,
i'm just.
so tired.
i can't even sleep properly anymore.
i wake up the second i feel somewhat conscious,
i can't deal with the ******* of being everybody's scapegoat.
and when they need help,
i'm the person they turn to.

just.

even at this point in my life,
why am I still so indecisive?
I don't want to live,
but I'm too scared to use the painful ways of dying.

this may sound like another typical dramatic sad girl story,
but.
for me,
for someone that was so happy,
for someone that was SO confident.
so confident about how much she valued her life,
and anyone who tried,
tried to end their own,
was a ****** that needed to get some help,
somehow,
overdosed on painkillers.



intentionally.

and all I got,

was

the inability to hear for a week.

i don't know who or what's keeping me here;
I've lost all hope for my perfect story.
i'm sorry if i'm scaring you away,
hell,
i'm scaring myself.

but,
i'm probably just 'exaggerating' at this point.



                                 -YYC