My biggest fear
to this day
is that others won't accept me
when I'm not completely okay

I fight the battles
in my mind
sometimes peace
is hard to find

"Everyone will run from your darkness"
"Nobody will understand"
"Stay. quiet. Your thoughts are quicksand."

But now I'm discovering
This may not be true
I took a large leap
And opened up to you

Wore my heart on my sleeve
chatted about my life
was honest and real
about my daily strife

And

you

listened.

Didn't judge what I said,
or try to offer extra advice
didn't get all uncomfortable
were incredibly nice

Asked amazing questions
That nobody else has
Took a real interest
Really tried to understand

Mind.
blown.

I walked away from our chat
with a smile on my face
and a hope in my heart
as it's a different case

Words cannot capture
how grateful I am
to have someone to talk to
I'm not shut like a clam

You give me joy and hope
which is sometimes hard to find
You also truly care
about the state of my mind

How fortunate I am
to know someone like you
that makes my days seem less blue
amidst all of this
all the world is going through
and having to be distant,
which is sad but true
I'm definitely continuing to fall for you

Speak up more, not less, using your own ideo-vocalized mess.

Soliloquy  — in front of yourself and everyone else-a-melse.

Monologue, dog!

You and I can flip-flop nonstop lolly pop but that gets trite fast and then we just so need to speak our favor-ite verbo-bite.

Bebop, hiphop, tipitity-top, slop-a-pop.

Ski-ba-bop-ba-bop-voc; do that thang nonstop.

Be-cause …

We have been flattened by the road-grade blade of the prepaid lexicographers.

We have been run over by the top-botched, pop-a-voc.

We have suffered weak-a-squeak.

We have sold out for safety and we have shut up way too much because we thought we were stuck-a-muck with duck and cluck.

Nope! Fess; you’ve got that vocable mess!

Unperson; you’ll worsen, but word-dive and jivity jive and you’ll revive.

See!

Be inventy.

Sync with your blink.

Que with your you and do-ba-de-do

singing* You just called me, "Beautiful."
Now you've got to be mine foreverrr.... (2x)
--repeats in background for duration of poem--
  You just called me--
I hate that it's so easy.

Now you've gotta be mine  foreh--I hate that its so easy to please me
when you say things
that makes me think that you see me
as who I want to be
and the way you say it,
it -it touches me
I'm naive
-
-
I want to believe
-
-
-
-You just called me...
I want to trust you
I want to believe your intentions are true
and its not me in a fantasy
but its you just
-
-
-
being you
you just called me beautiful
All you did was call me, "beautiful."
but your words spoke to my soul
cause I know you know things about me that I don't like to show
and I think you've dug something up in me
that was unknown
and odd
and free
and foreign
-
-
-
now you've gotta be mine foreh--*
and willing.
and unencumbered
-
-
-
-
-
-
You see? Now you've gotta be mine
cause I'm too fragile
-
-
I'm too exposed
you can't break into my heart
and unlock all these doors
that've been guardin who knows?
-
-
no, this is a two person job
-
-
you shoulda watched how you talked.
-
-
and now you're mine.
you gotta be mine.
you gotta be mine.
you gotta be mine. *repeats till fades out

hiding behind false bravado
and an epoch of shame
twists uncertainty,
anger, and stubbornness.
this wasn't going to be a long
one but it was there to say hello.

You know me,
All of me,
Who I am, am not and want to be,

You saw me,
All of me,
Who I was, was not and tried to be,

No pretence when you're around,
To your essence  I am bound,
You see me for who I am,
Warts an' all, see through the scam,

I can be my own true self,
Fake lies dust filled, on a shelf,
All that crap stuff, in the gutter,
You can see me, like no other.......

(C)eileenmcgreevy@ymail.com  07/05/2019

The bigger my heart,
the greater my capacity for hurt.

The more open my mind
the deeper I need to think.

Talking to my GoPro as if it were you
Current truths
Diminish the whirling blues
inside my head where you don’t have a clue

out the zoo with my emotions
In the beginning eased it with some sleep
Because I couldn’t see the reasons for my grief
Out the shadows and the light is brief
What to think?
What to know?

The tension is rigorous
Kept inside a pin
Let it sit and sizzle until it’s smoke

Open the vents, and let it go

To seize a chance for peace
Dismantle the layers of myself
Find you in a strip
A memory I’ll always love
My love just don’t lose grip

But to love is to see you free
A peak I couldn’t see
Relief indeed
Let it bleed
Let it bleed

Let it bleed

Consume the dooms
Swallow the distrust
The other side of the moon

The ending will come soon

Sitting in my room

About to make some chicken....

Lullaby playing
I can only think things I shouldn't be saying
Like the loss of you that is driving me insane
Alone in the room that was meant for me and you
Never been so distanced from the truth
It was you, the one that made it seem like this experience was eternal youth

(troubled, will you be back soon?)

.....it's this moment that I wish I was immune from this doom that said I couldn't make it past the afternoon

I'm here now

1:30 pm.... a little bit passed afternoon