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Amy Feb 2018
I feel trapped.
My hands shake as I wash them over and over
The freezing water drips from my fingers
I have to be clean

I flinch away.
My friend backs off, her eyes wide
I don't like the contact, it scares me
I must not get touched by germs

I'm tired and awake.
The stars outside my window are bright
I can't sleep because of them
I need darkness

I'm terrified.
I've been told I hoard things
Apparently, I need to get rid of my things
I can't lose anything

I want everything to end.
But I can't do anything
I want to end myself but I can't
I don't know what to do

Obsessive. Compulsive. Disorder.
I need help.
I had to do a drama performance at school about OCD and I had to research about it. I guess I wrote a poem as well *shrugs*
Akira Feb 2018
OCD
When I was thirteen,
I was anxious about my obsessive rituals,
Didn't expect that it was Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.
And once you have it, it will never leave you.
Even at night, when I go to bed.
My mind drowns in waves of questions.
Have I washed my hands?
Are these plates clean enough?
Did I close the door?
Have I drank enough water?
It was hard for me,
The repetitions,
The struggle of everything turning into endless cycles          

When I was fourteen, I said,
"Mom? I'm having these kind of rituals."
I said, "Mom? Am I getting better?"
Well, mom thinks it's normal. But it's not.      
Well, I feel something bad and I feel that the world was against me, that the rituals were indeed sempiternal.

When I was fifteen,
My Obsessive Compulsive Disorder had completely risen up to another level.
I feel anxious, I feel bad, I feel that I am slowly sinking into an ocean filled with unspoken mysteries.
And every time, I try not to listen to those voices, those voices seem unable for me to conquer, those voices become higher than my power.

So when I turned sixteen,
I wished the life of a genuinely normal teen.
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is like a spell, a lifetime spell.
A spell that covers me, that controls me,
a spell with ***** hands that touch my soul.
And yet people think I'm crazy, I'm insane, that I'm hopeless, but the truth is I need help. I need people to stop the judgements and please understand my condition.
Em Quinn Feb 2018
there are...
cruel fireworks,
booming behind my back.
you seem to think that makes you better.
i think that's not right.
mistakes are made sometimes,
it comes with life.
just as a wave in the sea lasts only a few moments,
a regretful choice only takes toll as long as you let it.
so why?
i've said my apologies,
i've tried to keep moving forward.
your feet stick to conflict as if it is tar,
and your words crash in an ear that is deaf to the noise.
recently i recieved a hearing aid,
composed of a cold depression.
it looks for those words and now,
i cannot ignore them.
i'm sorry, and i'll say it a million times.
but despite this new hearing aid,
i haven't heard...
"sorry."
this is a not-so-indirect poem about the seniors at my school, who seem to think i'm the enemy.
Andrew Ewen Feb 2018
OCD is a part of my life that I thought was over and done.
Turns out it is a battle that is not easily won.
There will be ups and downs, it will be a war.
Things may never be the way, they quite were before.
I am determined though to keep it under control; this is a battle I'm sure I can win.
I just need to suppress it, this evil within.
Andrew Ewen Feb 2018
If you could look into the mind of an OCD sufferer, what would you see?
You would see bravery and fear fighting it out.
One side of the mind trying to reason with the other.
If you tell us to get on with it, it's because you don't see the amount of strength and determination that it takes to overcome a mental illness.
sarah Mar 2018
random compulsions i cannot control,
my mind spinning out of control
trying to chase these thoughts away.

worry, worry, worry,
filling my brain,
hammering away,
consuming all my
thoughts.

stereotypes do not apply to me,
messy head, messy room;
my disorganized thoughts
match my disorganized clothes

small things matter too much,
like floor tiles and off centered screens,
pushing their way into my
worrisome brain
and not going away 'till
they're fixed.
Em Quinn Jan 2018
when i was 8 years old,
i got off the bus.

i got off the bus to two words.
the next 72 hours were spent hiding in a basement.
nothing was coming.
i think, at least...

the whispers in my head told me otherwise though,
so in the basement i stayed.


when i was 10 years old,
the news woman shared stories.

the news woman told me the end was near.
maybe that wasn't her exact words.
i didn't sleep...
just in case.

insomnia became a friend of mine.


when i was twelve years old,
the new year rung in and i was alone.

the house was blanketed in silence,
and i sat on an empty couch,
and everything had seemed so quiet.
a razor blade was my only company.

we became quite close that night.


when i was fourteen years old,
i wandered barren hallways,
adorned with crimson.
they had given me free socks when i'd arrived.

the psych ward was not nearly as loud as the voices in my head.

i am now sixteen years old.
medications flow through my veins,
scars dance up and down my wrists,
and although i am surrounded by people,

i am so alone.


the moral of the story:
tell me when you figure it out,
because trust me, i'm still trying.
*sigh* life's been tough lately.
Em Quinn Jan 2018
sometimes,
i smile at the mirror,
to remind myself that i can.
because i've forgotten what it feels like.

sometimes,
i spend hours repeating the same phrase in my head,
just to make sure it sounds right.
"hi... could i please have the-"
it never does.

sometimes,
i stare at the crimson lines on my wrists,
and try to convince myself that they're beautiful.
no one else thinks that though,
so why should i?

sometimes,
i check my pulse,
because i need to know that life is temporary.
i need to know that one day it'll be over.

sometimes,
i stare at my reflection,
but i don't recognize the girl looking back at me.
why is she so broken?
she follows me like a ghost.

sometimes,
the time passes so slow,
that a minute feels like a day,
and i wonder if it'll ever end.
will it ever end?

sometimes,
i wake up with tear stains on my pillow,
blood soaked sheets.
i don't remember though.
regret is not an easy feeling to deal with.

sometimes,
i watch mouths move in front of me,
but the screams in my head take up too much space.
so i hear nothing.
"can you repeat that please?"
"sorry."

sometimes,
my hands are raw and tired, scratched away to nothingness.
"how'd you get that burn?'
all i can say is that it was an accident.
was it?

sometimes...
sometimes a lot of things.
sometimes i wish i wasn't here.
sometimes my body doesn't feel like mine.
sometimes i want to cut the pain out of my body.
is that possible?
sometimes.
hi so I haven't been on here in quite a while and i just rediscovered it so here i am once again! this is about my struggles with mental health, and it means a lot to me to be honest. i still struggle every day, but i'm trying my best and i think that's what matters.
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