I worry as if the iced tea I'm drinking
Is my own life itself.
I ponder how long it would last?
Not that I care about my life that much
But hell, that's such a good fruit tea.

Days and nights fuse into one
And prayers divide into two
Like a tree would sing to a canary
At three in the morning.
The night marked its reign
With a light bulb that had died.
Then it plagued a boy's mind
With a cup of tea his mother didn't make.
And once the séance has begun,
We all know it will never end.

The air is lava.
And time is a slow death.
I'm tap dancing on the road
With icicles as my feet.
No, this is not running, this is swimming.
Swimming inside the eyeball
Of a celestial nightmare.
The house is a gas chamber
In the disguise of a bakery.
Who would have known
That empty little words
Can cause chest wall contusions.
****** is not quite the word I would use.
Because eventually we all
Drink our caramel lattes and
Break God's nose in the end.

The pearly gates aren’t white.
Nor golden, for that matter.
I ponder if they’re even there.
One thing for sure is that
They’re black.
As black as Shachath’s onyx wings.
Open your eye, my dear.
Your eye with the mark of the falcon.
I whisper your name so softly
As my voice gets lost in the sea of desperation.
The hours are too loud
And the seconds too bright.
I want to see if you would let me in.
You were there when I was born.
You were there when Azareal kissed for the first time.
You were there as I took my first breath.
I can hear the ravens caw
Like an alarm clock, but reversed,
Telling me to sleep.
Because The Dreaming and The Shadowless Fields are just a door away.
The door where I’m standing at right now.
The door only her sigil can open.

I hit the big red reset button,
Hoping it would blow my head up
And replace it with a bouquet of violet tulips just because.
Happiness is a bubble soaring up into the sky,
An outburst of cheer and starry nights.
It was just that
I was too foolish to believe
That I could be the little child in the tub again.
My eyes got lost in the
Tiny whisper that comes from the back of my mind.
Saying “I’m still here”,
Reminding me of what I am which is what it is which is what we are.
And it’d be absurd if I said some scars never fade
Because either all scars fade
Or the memories of them do.
And I hit the big red reset button,
Denying the fact that it’d all be the same again.

Another word gets lost in my throat,
Ravaged by the blindness
That my heart conjured up.
All I can hear is the devil
Whispering into my ear,
Saying “just one more” amidst the white noise of a room of a hundred people.
Every letter starts dissolving
Into my coffee,
Slowly drifting away into the meaningless impulse.
My lungs are congested,
Carrying all the lust I smoked.
There’s a black plastic bag around my head,
Defying all the rules of the universe,
Making sure that I see nothing
But numbers and words and
Whatever you call that is.
Whatever you call that is.
Whatever you call that is.

Words become meaningless as I mutter them for the 14th time.
I’m building a tower of alphabets
So that I can jump to my own death from it.
I can feel my heartstrings
Get tightened.
My mind slowly drifts to home
As the line between the two demons grow thinner.
But I don’t know if I still have a home
Because even my body has stopped
Being my heart’s home.
So I just blink my eyes one more time,
Hoping I will never have to open them ever again.