I wanted to write
As if I would never be judged
But then I would never do it
My feelings never making it through it.

You left me numb
Deathless pain is all I've got
And it doesn't speak
It just feels like a cheap trick.

I thought I had you forever
But when I saw that you could never
Be that person, it lit in me an arson
What a betrayal
He expects me to be loyal.

And even then,
So I was
But he left me no chance
Not a breather
Now I'm a hardly
A believer.

i think i'm so used to feeling things in grand amounts — love, longing, grief, anger — that when it subdues my body recognizes it as numbness and everything turns pointless in seconds matter

I don’t know anymore, how to feel something again
Feels like I’m drifting, lost in outer space, to god knows where
Unanchored from everything, yet my chest is heavy, eyes are lifeless
Each day repeats itself, every conversation feels hollow, insincere

I bury myself in work, not to build, but to forget
Laughter doesn’t echo, smiles barely stretch, just motions
And if I disappear, would it really matter?
It’s not selfish, just silent. Space swallows sound, and maybe it swallows me too.

In this silence, I lay dormant—
I no longer expect anymore.
There’s no pull, no push, just a vast, empty stretch.
The stars hang motionless, indifferent
and I’m no different

You NEED to do this and you NEED to do that
I’m no longer me, I’ve become flat
What makes you an expert, on my mind?
You no longer see me, you are now blind

I don’t do as you say so you ply me with guilt
These kind of conditions have caused me to wilt
My petals have faded; they’re all on the floor
You think it will stop, if I just give you more

I’m not sure; I have much left to give
I’m desperately lost, I feel I can’t live
I’m stuck in a box, I don’t have a voice
I’m doing things and I don’t have a choice

I’ve shut down, I no longer smile
You can’t see me; it’s just not your style
I’m nothing unless I do what you say
I’m no longer human, I’m now decay

My voice has no sound, my tears you can’t see
It’s all about you, it’s no longer WE
I’ve so tried hard, to release, my chains
I need you to look, and see, the strains

I get so frustrated, I’m starting to pop
I keep so much in, with the hope it will stop
The hope is now lost, I have nowhere to turn
I’m all alone, I’m starting to burn

If I give in to the tears, forever they’ll flow
A lot has happened, a lot no one knows
All I wanted, was a real hand,
But I’ll never ask and I’ll never demand

There is help, it’s in tablet form
I’m scared of it, don’t want to conform
I won’t be real, I’ll just be numb
Is it all I can do with the damage that’s done?

"i am a forest fire
and i am the fire and i am the forest
and i am the witness watching it
i stand in a valley watching it
and you are not there at all"
- 'a burning hill' - Mitski