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Cerasium Dec 2021
I don’t get how some people
Can shut off their feelings
And act like they never cared
For the person they claimed to love

It baffles me to no end
And causes me to wonder
Did they even love at all
Did they actually care

It takes me months
Sometimes even years
To get over someone
And I’m never truly over them

There’s always a piece of love
Still lingering for that person
That simple spark of compassion
That hopes they are doing okay

I get flashbacks of events
And feel how I felt in those moments
The feelings I had for them
Come back just as strong

Even seeing the person
Can bring them back in full
Making me question why
Why did things go wrong

What happened to the feelings they had
Where did they go that you grow so cold
How can I ever get to that point
Of finally not caring at all

I don’t know
Who is more broken
The one who cares forever
Or the one who doesn’t

All I can say
Is my own experience
And always caring
Is almost unbearable

You always question
Could it have gone a different way
Is it possible to start over
Or even fix what was broken

Is it okay to talk about
Is it okay to reach out
To see how they are
To worry about them

Caring for them
While they don’t
Causes so much fear
You can’t even reply

You hide away
Begging for it to end
Wishing that everything was different
Or that it was all just a dream

And when reality sets in
Your world begins to crumble
It’s the pain all over again
And then it’s just numb

You become a void
Feeling nothing at all
But it’s only temporary
Then the cycle repeats
Jule Dec 2021
If only I could slow down my mind for a moment
I wouldn’t be turning for every door
And ending up on every floor
Maybe I’d see something to inspire
Or maybe I’d smoke and sit by a fire
Would the existential feeling be gone
Or be here forever more
Either way I need to write more
Get my thoughts and feelings out
Rather than keeping them bottled
Aimée Dec 2021
the only word to truly describe me. the most perfect representation of who i am. on the outside i look like a human with regulating emotions but on the inside i am nothing but a ball of numbness.

any feeling of happiness, excitement, sadness or anger vanishes almost as quick as it appears. the only one who truly stays is numb. my best friend.

this saddened numbness plagues my mind like an infestation, she built a home and refuses to leave without a fight. a fight i have tried to win many of times yet always lose no matter the battle strategy or number of soldiers.

my army is no match for numb. numb fights on her own as her mere presence is enough to obliterate me on the battlefield that is my mind.

i say she is my best friend but i do not like her. she tricks me into keeping her around by brining comfort along with her. comfort and numb don’t mix well. numb has also tricked comfort.

i don’t know what else to do. gather more soldiers or let numb invade.
Clay Face Dec 2021
This.
Stimuli.
It depletes me.
Turn, turn around.
And complete me.

I, lost all control.
And this sense of lament is visceral.
I bleed, from the outside.
Numb death, turning, becoming inside.

I.
Just need one thing.
A child’s toy, nostalgic and stuffed.
A somnambulant hymn.
To remove me.
Disassociate, please.

Your hand is soft.
Placed places that comfort.
I miss your scent, that congeals.
I wish I didn’t have to feel nothing.
Emptiness is so guttural and potent.

I can’t help but see.
Everything slip by.
avenjoe Nov 2021
How long am i gonna play hide and seek with my own feelings towards what she says?
How long am i gonna be a slave to love when nothing comes to me for real?
How long am i supposed to pretend its nothing to be thought off when clearly theres a lot of things are not meant to be and not on its track?

Gates of hopes are closing, gates of memories are opening as things are just going to be another piles of false hopes.
The fact that im still the old me, im the old scarred me, the old scratched me, the old torn down me is still there.
Even if theres an exit, its just a refraction of another pain behind the mirrors of life.

I'm not tired of feeling, and living up to these false, fake, temporary type of love.
I'm getting used to it, until the point i am legitimately numb thats where i become the walking dead.
Natalie Nov 2021
I'm afraid.
I'm afraid of my mind.
I'm afraid of the depth, of what I'm capable of.
Of what my brain can imagine or focus on.
I'm afraid of the thoughts that come flooding in,
and I'm afraid of the ones that break down the walls.
I'm afraid, for I feel too much,
and I'm afraid that one day
I won't be able to take it all.
Nicole Oct 2021
Overwhelmed.
Tiny screens hide big feelings.
Tell me you love me so I can breathe.
Sweet words wrap around my heart.
Constricting until I'm high
And can't feel the fear anymore.
I need to know what's real.
I know it isn't all lies,
But I can't find the line.
Blinded by electric energy,
Coursing through my limbs.
I love this and I hate this.
Convenient and damning.
The warmth of emotion permeates,
But it can't reach my core.
The anxiety and pain are rampant there.
I don't want to feel them.
I don't feel safe.
But I can't bring others down with me.
I need to face myself empty handed.
Let the emotions burn through me.
I know that I am fire proof.
So when the flames flicker to nothingness,
And I'm alone with the darkness,
I will be most simply
And most purely
Me.
Indigo Oct 2021
Oh, I’m so numb since you left me.
I can’t feel, I’ve been in the empty,
Protecting my heart for so long.
But I’m not feeling strong.
Anna Oct 2021
So many thoughts.
So many ideas.
Yet my mind is blank.
Like a painting that hasn’t been started.
I want to be beautiful.
I want to see colours.
I want to bring light to this dark world.
But my mind is blank.
And yet it is racing.
I feel so numb.
But I feel everything.
I see what could be, but I am stuck.
I am happy.
I am sad.
I am angry.
But I am also nothing.
I am blank.

I miss the colours.
I miss the light.
I want it all back.
I want to feel again.
I want to fight.
But I am tired.
So tired.

When will I be painted?
When will I be finished?
will I be filled with light and colours again?
Or will I stay blank, and dull.
Lifeless.
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