i read your poems, but i can't read you.
what's the point?

other boys, they call me pretty-
well,
sometimes they do.
but still,
other boys, they touch my hand,
they like my hair,
they think i'm funny.
but they're not you,
and that rips me up.

the boy who once said i'm not his type
doesn't think
you are good
for me.
but
he doesn't know you.
he doesn't know
your pretty
folded
inside out
folded
right side out,
folded
into the pit
of my stomach, giving me butterflies.
oh, my god, i think this is what love feels like
when you’re stuck on the rewind
of a cassette tape,
because the player
doesn’t auto-stop,
and you don't feel like getting up,
so the tape snaps or tangles or knots.
either way it can’t be the same ******* song,
it sounds too different to be.
warbled.

but the beat is the same.
it starts off slow then speeds up
as the eyes get bluer
and her cheeks get warmer.
tha. thump. tha. thump.
tha thump. tha thump.
thathumpthathumpthathump.

if you love me, baby, just say so.
because i’m so brand new,
i’m so full of darkness.
you’re so ruggedly smooth,
so full of lightning.
i’m so brand new,
that i can’t read you like your poems.
i’m so full of darkness,
that i can’t feel loved anymore.
but, baby, baby, bubby.
i could love you like a poem.

i’ll be the body electric.
(i love as hard as a whitman)
i’ll be the master, the dream, the fool.
(i love as illogically as a kipling)
i’ll be immortal.
(i’ll love as sweetly as a dickinson)
i’ll be everything
you’ve ever read about and wanted,
if you’d just come clean.

so if you love me
if you love me
come clean.

I stand



Before you                       Cloaked




InVulnerabilty

the grandfather of slavery
wage labor
is an abusive relationship
domestic demise of humanism
I cannot tolerate or stand my light skin
I want to lay in the blazing sun
until I am burnt beyond recognition
a raging fire that catches anyone near
I cannot stand that white people
think I fit in
just to end up realizing I do not
I want to fight my way out
with language and brute force
until whiteness realizes
clearly
in a broken impotent rage
that it does not fit in
not in the world of the future
not in the world of ethnicities
having passionate ***
as its desperation of indulgence
greed
guilt
and brutality fade back to evolution
sustainability throws it aside
I am the medium
the vessel
the glory
of nature

you sent me
more mixed signals
than i could count on my fingers
but i always went back for more
because the pain was worth it

I'm on the porch
Watching the rain
Dance on the sidewalks
Wishing I could get soaked
And saturated in love expressed by heaven's tears
She's tired of letting the sun outrule her
She's tired of pretending to be okay
And I get it
Because I'm at that moment too

It's about time to head home

Maybe the sky is sobbing because I can't hear you yell my name
I can't hear you telling me that it's getting late

As if I'm going to be exposed to some deadly disease
As if nature was bad for me
As if nature wasn't kind

But then, again, I wish your voice had been louder
I never got to hear it really

I wish the clouds weren't throwing tantrums
Demanding to be heard
Begging to be wanted
I silently almost pleaded with the skies to stop

I wanted to hear your melancholic call
I wanted to hear you say my name again and again
I wanted to be wanted just like the atmosphere wanted to let it all out

But most of all, I wanted you to have run after me as I walked away
Pretending I didn't notice you beckoning me

You almost broke
That was the closest I had seen your walls be shattered
You didn't notice me looking at you but I saw it in your eyes

We were all crying
Not only could I tell by your heaving figure in the corner of my eye
Not only could we tell by the banks of water pitter-pattering
But I started crying after I turned the corner
And that's because you didn't chase me
You didn't follow me

I knew it before I started heading in the opposite direction
Because you knew I'd be gone for awhile

But I'd always come back

I always had hoped you'd open up to me

If I disappeared
It might have started an argument

At least I would know if you cared

It'd be after midnight
When I'd start to walk back home
Long before the rain stopped

And you'd be there
Waiting for me

As if I had never left
As if I deserved nothing
Nothing new
But silence
And a *cold shoulder

Needles on my skin
Needles on him
Oh god, I’m so sorry.

Etching words of love
Etching words of trust
No, don’t ever worry.

A painful conversation
A painful detonation
Darling, I’m sorry.

Little did I know
Little did he show
A misunderstanding.

Taking me to bed
It echoes in my head
“When it rains, it pours”.

But I will be okay
And you will be the same
Today was not our day.

Stab me. Do it again.
I'm so tired of living in this place where people bend what's already broken trying so hard to fix it but only to make it worsen it's so funny how hard this **** is; after being brought into a world you can't say no to you're forced to go on living in it only to wait for it to end and sure you'll have good experiences mixed in with the bad; and happiness mixed in with the sad too and heaven forbid you try to exit because apparently that is cowardly; wrong in the end most are too scared to even attempt... It's just funny.