(a conversational tone, because I'm sick of being mature)
I have resorted to living under the four gray walls and ceiling
because even though this room still reminds me of you,
It reminds me of a lot of things.
therefore, this room isn't primarily of your memory...
****.
Last year around this time I'm sure you were still prodding around
I revisited the place I was on my birthday when I got a text from you
you said I was being an attention *****
but then you proceeded to ask to come over
you were weird.
the field of the festival
where we escaped for a second to breath
the graveyard we went to
and there were two headstones, side by side
that had my name, yours
we laughed about it,
you joking that we were going to burn each other out so much
that the gravediggers dug our ditches early
i drive past your place all the **** time
how is that good for my mental health?
mental health
I've been thinking about my mental health a lot lately
it shouldn't be healthy that after almost two years
i'm still hurt by you
my friends don't say i'm crazy
but i see it in their eyes
the shallow glances they give each other
i know i'm losing it;
one simple push away from a mental breakdown
lol, it's coming
once i fall, i'll fall back to you
who knows if you'll be there to catch me after all these months of not talking
of you wanting me dead
of me wanting to be
of you finding other lovers
of me not
of me knowing you're out there, that you're in my head
no,
how do i recover from that
when my entire head has been dedicated to the galleria of memorabilia from a lover I can't seem to get over