show me
how to be

what I need
who I am
why I care

when's the new?
where am I?

I woke up in a huff.

Things I should have done already,
Came back in a flood.
Too many things,
Everywhere I looked,
I closed my eyes.

She scratched my back a bit.

"That's nice." I lied.

I wait for everything to pass.
Just stop, don't think.

"How are you feeling?"

Don't ask that.
There's something vicious in my mind,
Always on the attack.

"Wanna talk about it?"

No. Or else I would.
And now I'm thinking about it.

I let it go. Slightly tense.
But unanswered questions
Don't quite disappear.
They build up.
Every intervention is
Another pebble in the pond,
Another splash,
Another ripple.

Time to settle.
Take a breath.
Roll over.

Everything's all right.
It's fine. It's going nowhere.
One step at a time.

I could
Slide up to unlock
Perhaps I've gone viral in my sleep.

I haven't, but that was hope -
I think - just a glimpse -
Somewhere in between the homescreen
And the last
Past the apps I didn't choose,
And the one I did but never use,
To the ones that I don't want,
But am addicted to.

"Coffee?" She asks,
Taking a white towel
From the hook
On the back of the door.
That's nice, I think,
She doesn't drink coffee.
I make a sound that means
Something either way.

"Escape!" is what I want to say.
Run. Before I scar you with my grey,
Grey thoughts.

I count the steps as
She goes down the stairs.

Alone again, at last. I breathe.

My phone won't let me down.

If we do or if we don't
If we will or if we won't
If we come or if we go
Nobody will ever know

In the land of the living
The excitement grows
Amidst lies the wild thing
Truth puts on a show

Life won't be denied
And it has the notion
New life has arrives
Evolution has solutions

Being so overwhelming
To the living or dead
It humbles the living
And wakes the dead

Seven billion lives know
This world is his for he
He erases friends and foes
And owns their history

We know that to look now would set us ablaze,
the projectionist has loaded up the next reel,
but still we can’t seem to avert our gaze.

The clumsiest cinema still often sways.
The sound may be garbled, the edits piecemeal,
but we know that to look would still set us ablaze.

We question ourselves as the velvet drapes raise—
the playhouse itself thus begets our ordeal—
but still we can’t seem to avert our gaze.

The schoolmarms all warned us against such forays,
having seen how the real sinks into the surreal.
Yes, we know that to look now will set us ablaze.

Now the actors all shout patriotic clichés,
and we balk at the film’s jingo-populist zeal,
Even still, we can’t seem to avert our gaze.

Transfixed by tricolor and beset with malaise,
but what truths did Lot’s wife’s noncompliance reveal?
For we know that to look now will set us ablaze,
but still we can’t seem to avert our gaze.

Ransom note in the post this morning.
Simile for me but reality to the savages.
Their class is ******* mixed in cannabis.
Knives loaded and explosives carried.
Mouths foaming at the thought of action.
A thousand threats spoke with conviction.
Horizontal weapons on the table dresser.
Since when did we mention the press here?

All felt the fable
Dwindle & swell
The swindle whispered
Into every eyeball
The tramelled multifarious
Steady steady
Soft sell
Who'd fall for that
We say
As it settles down to dwell
In our depths & recesses
Tales of decline & progress
Denied

Life is a flower
I want to pluck its petals
And taste the metal

Heard the trees falling
Glorious impurities
You found your calling

Cooling by degrees
Don't know which viewpoint I see
Yesterday's headlines...

Sickness of the swine
Fever of the fettered mind
Fits me right to size

Lazy summer days
Give way to scorched Earth evenings
Red bloom carriers

Speak the golden words
Catch the boomerang's return
Old dogs never learn

Dance the night away
No refunding second thoughts
Paper spades in play

Terracotta fued
Running low on rocket fuel
Engines slow to cool

Someday sometime soon
Take a dip in glitter dust
Shaking off the rust

Prospective buyer
Beware the hyperbole
Circle back someday

Tribulation and vexation led to this
Fixated on decamping the mess I was in
Participating in anything I had access to
Escaping reality is what I would do
I wasn’t too fond of alcohol; I wasn’t too fond of ****
I had a few drinks here and there, but I had control you see
This isn’t an alcoholic’s story or drug abuse for that matter
You’d probably be thrown off for what I’m about to tell you
Maybe even engage in some laughter
Waking up every day to my escape
It would be my getaway, my slave
Posting online what I didn’t practice
But I needed those likes, I needed to have it
When someone would heart a photo, which pleased
I admired the adrenaline rush I received
And this started leading me to a downward spiral
I was easily shot by the dopamine rifle
Scrolling through my phone all day, I did
And I could absolutely feel the tension kick in
Almost hyperventilating like I had to stay on my device
It was as if the devil telling me, I am a bondservant with no might
Repeatedly trying to appeal to other people
through a false world
Posting many pointless photos, my brain was in a swirl
And looking back, at one point I hit rock bottom
I purposely purchased things, just to take shots of them
& I also look back on posting Biblical things all-day
But not to reach out to others, not for the right reasons, I used it for my own selfish sake,
now that’s some extensive disgrace
Because I needed the hit, I needed the high
I had false gratification from receiving the likes
& I remember constantly taking photos of my self
Spending hours with this nonsense, I seriously needed help
And when receiving little likes, I felt self-conscious and worse
I was worshiping the flesh and depended on this for self-worth
But the Joke’s on you Satan, I serve a greater God
Who convicted me of the things that I was doing wrong
I desperately prayed to Him & kept hollering His name
Asking other believers for help as well, to free me from the cage, I was a digital slave
And it took some time, it took much faith
Sometimes I felt at peace with it, at times I had intense rage
But Jesus is a faithful God, who will always test your patience
Eventually, the fog disappeared, and I eventually awakened
Jesus set me free, but it wasn’t facile to move on
It took a few years, to witness what I wanted to see gone
Now I know my worth & I know my value
I do not confide in vanity, it is no longer my idol
I focus on important things, on things that truly matter
Like Spiritual things, and the God I run after
I know I’m beautiful, & others can attest to that
In no way do I want to sound prideful, but just stating the facts
We ALL have beauty, & gifts to offer
But put God first, and then you’ll prosper
Now I want to end the story with this
This is the story of a social media addict
But now I am free & you do not have authority over me...🕊

I.

This, a final offering,
before the clipping of wings.
A love like blood,
oh anathema.
A grey declined to black,
oh herem.

It means salvation
knelt with darkness.


II.

So it be!
So it be!
So it be!

Ring the bell,
close the book,
blow out the candle.

Douse the sacred sun
and find belief caught in fishermen's nets.


III.

In silence of angels,
climbing broken ladders,
no ascent, no longer.

Salvation has
knelt with darkness.