I liked that night, we were flying
As the black cloaked your stars, you had your eyes closed
Sleep-deprived and half dead I thought of loving you
It seemed foolish

On the ground, it felt dizzy
like you spun me around
Friendly smiles were small
Everything was so dead I didn’t think of you

I don’t know the day where I thought of it as more
It wasn’t a day but a memory, a rememory
The buttons were pushed before I was ready

Anxiously I worked and worked and acted like your honey didn’t matter to me
It didn’t, I convince myself even now
But the moment came in capitals
You thought I was unattainable

The breaks were pressed by those closest
Of course they were, it’s what they’re there for
I waited and waited and waited and I got tiny answers

I got fragments, particles, portions
I never got it all
I still don’t have it all
Is this you
Is this my body?
Worse, is it my mind

Tell me now, if I ask too much
Tell me now, if communication won’t be our thing
Tell me now If we won’t be our own thing
But just tell me
Tell me anything
Because I need to be told

We are the teens who jump to conclusions who smash beer in the street, walk fast and try to soothe ourselves with ***** water

We are the teens who cry for a song feeling alone but surrounded by people
Who replace hurt with *** and hide our pain by waiting until maybe finally something good happens

We are the teens who go home every day and miss everyone who made our life worth living

We are the loud *** teens who smoke and drink and get 100s on tests and love themselves and are happy about it

We are the teens who get gelato and are homies with our host families and jump in with our clothes on

We are the teens who look at the waves and the height and think the wind blowing is beautiful

We are the teens who overuse the word love because we lack it in our lives

We are the teens who have to give it to each other because maybe not everyone loves us the way we want them to

Maybe that’s why we don’t love the people who want us to

Being far from home alters reality
You seem to dissolve away
We experience two nights and mornings
It’s hard to keep track of the days
I printed out a photo of you before I left
I don’t take it out often, I swear
It’s just so I’ll have something to hold onto
And I like to know it’s there

I want to be buried
Next to the unmarked grave
In my town's small cemetery
Next to the football stadium
The grave that nobody notices
The grave I sat beside
So many times
The grave I collected flowers for
Not a beautiful bouquet
Bought at a shop
But fallen blossoms
Pale and delicate
That littered the ground
Beneath the flowering trees
I wiped away the moss
And the wind caked dirt
To reveal the slab of stone
The grave that only read
Unnamed

In a coloured world
You're black and white
In this sunny life
You're eternal night

In my course palms
You're silk liquid
In this broken home
You can't fix it

But in my eyes
You're a dancer
And in my mind
You're already mine

Falling down like a rain drop
twenty-twenty but I’m blind.
Knowing that this must stop,
maybe tomorrow I’ll change my mind.

But maybe the fog has made me hazy,
no one will choose to save me,
write me off as crazy,
their judgements come too hasty.
Red flags planted to trace me
to the spot where I’ve been wasting
no help to do it myself,
I guess I’ve gotten lazy.
I vow to not continue with the crime,
maybe tomorrow or another time.

Tumbling around like dry leaves,
amazed by the colours you find.
Trading dry mouth for dry heaves,
maybe tomorrow I’ll change my mind.

Take notice that life as a poetess
feels kind of hopeless,
and as a bonus I’m under hypnosis.
I’ve been focused on picking myosotis
for my magnum opus,
better than roses
but less than autumn crocus.
I’ll watch them bloom in their prime,
maybe tomorrow or another time.

Lying on the ground as the concrete,
don’t mind the chalk as I’m outlined.
I think it’s due I get back on my feet,
maybe tomorrow I’ll change my mind.

I was chased by
depression,
But was never
depressed.
Maybe I was
too happy?

Give it a shot
Why not?
In time, you’ll feel it
If you just let go
Go mad
Let love
Get married
Have children
I’ll be proud
As your maker
Your raiser
I say when,
You should just jump

But I can’t
I doubted my self
Far too often
But now I know not
I forgot what it was
But my memory
Flooded back
Thank God
I know what it’s like
To look deep in the eyes
And just know
Without having to try
That I like him
And I am willing to
Jump!