1AM
"Hello?"

2AM
"I miss you"
"Why did you let go"
"Was I not enough?"
"Do you have someone else to let you see all skin and bones?
    Someone who could see through all those muscles and enlighten your soul?
    Someone who would hold you until the morning light?
    Someone who could love you even with all your flaws?
    Someone who could love you more because of them and think that you're beautiful?
"I loved you."
"I still do."

"You know what? *******, ******* because you made me fall. Made me think that you would catch me but in the end I realized that you never to do so. *******, for wasting my time, making me think that you were worth my while. Lastly, *******, I am still inlove with you

7AM
What have I done.

1AM
*"Hello?"

I'm falling through the looking glass, not really knowing,
That the world's spinning past and everything's growing,
There's a rabbit and I gasp for he seems to be glowing,
Tell's me time's moving too fast and I ought to get going,
There's a cat that I can't see except his twisting smile,
And he's been haunting me and hunting me for mile upon mile,
I keep my mind off that grin but I know I'm in denial,
Then my head starts to spin and I'm gone for a while,
Not to my surprise, I find this place is taking it's toll,
Then before my eyes, I'm crying, losing control,
Trying to claw at the dirt, falling down the rabbit hole,
Feeling nothing but hurt and a fear for my soul,
This is my role, living to entertain,
Cake and champagne, drinking tea with the insane,
Smeared against the pain is the smile that I feign,
It's a colourful country but my colour has drained,
Turning blue like my lips, like a vein, like the chatter,
With all of these psychos God knows who's the Mad Hatter,
A mouse, hare, a man, and I'm guessing the latter,
Then my images shatter, a woman dressed in red,
My heart is a **** in her lover's bed,
Two colours clash and I'm sure I am dead,
Red royalty laughs and screams "off with her head",
But I have not sinned, I have not marred,
I will not be scarred by the Red Queen's guard,
I am the wind in the houses of card,
The joker you treated with disregard,
This land's full of wonder but that wonder is callous,
I will bring down the blood stained palace,
Felling diamonds and spades with a purebred malice,
I win, for I am, the Ace of Alice.

i want this poem to be mad
i want to hand you this poem because you hurt me again for the nth time
i am so angry with myself because i waited
but now
i hate myself for hating you
yet
i want to slapped this poem on your face,
the scenery i used to admire
i want to punch you on your shoulders,
places where i used to lean
i want to break your hands
for they used to held mine

i want to use these fists not to fist bump you
but for the last time,
to break your **** heart without me regretting it

Love is so sad.
Love is not a melody
That drifts all through
The wind. It’s a soft
Hum that intensifies
And becomes maddening.
Love is hard and rare
It gets worse as it goes on.
People live their lives for love
But really, it only helps
You forget the rest of
What is wrong.

*(r.e.)

I need to write I need 
To write I
Need to write

Right right
Know
No, I dont need to

It like there's buzzing in my hands
Its like there's buzzing in my body
Like my head's rocking backwads and forewards


I see the open window 
And I want to hang out of it
With my weight on my hips
Just like.
Rocking rocking
And. Air

I always need it now
And the way the letters look when I type
Just fast enough
Like theres movement
Like i'm busy
When i'm only sitting down

Its like the colours have gone inverse around my eyes

Like negative colours swirling
Framing everything i see
Like its a tunnnel

But i'm not moving through it because the end is big and clear
And im already there

I can't have faith that's it
(But there is no certainty though in those words i just spoke)
How many times i've wished i might be
That squirrel up in a tree
Free free free free
But he'll never go far

I tried to make art yesterday
I found paper, tape, pens and magazine
A cocktail stick

It looked like *******
I crumpled the paper with oil pastelled hands
I stabbed a cocktail stick through the lines
Wound the tape, wound the tape.

I poured my tea over it
Poured the tea
And it bled red 
From the marks of a red pen 

But no now is today
Nonoooo  why did I go back?
Now is shaking.
Flies on the glass,
But they ruin the dream
But they made a new one
But they never knew. 

Sofa sofa and cardboard boxes
Like im in a coat again

Where am I going
I'm not there yet 
I want to fly
I was scared to admit it before
Or I wasnt sure
But i'd like to fly
Fly fly

Shaking legs
My eyes aren't right not right
My eyes are dragging too much
Its like the weight's on the bottom
Like a hammock but no swinging noo

Why are there sparkles on the floor?
Who thought of the teapot plant *** outside?
I can see it coz it's white
Everything else is black
But the giant teapot is white there
 in the night garden out of the window
Who thought of it?
Who designed it?
How was it made?
Where are they now?
I hope they stilll make things

Never stop making
I'd like to be someone who never stops making
And creating
But i'd like to be someone who starts making

Spiders think they own their house,
Coz they built their web
On these walls we built
And this house that we made

Hahaha
Haha
Hahhhhh

But we built our house on somebody's floor, 
(Or someone's wall
Whatever direction they walk in?)

And we built this town on somebody's floor

But I didnt build it
No

Labels
White sticky labels
Only found them again when I no  longer needed them

Lets all just live in the world okay
Or even no
Live where you like

2 rules:
Be kind.
Make people happy,
In the very least
Try.

But I dont make the rules
Nononono
Forget the rules
I can't make rules
I can't close it
No closing
Everything just be
Everything
Spill over
Spill over

Open.

Times like these where i don't think you are my knight and shinning armor.
You are more like a cigarette with every inhalation that I take I'm closer and closer to death
you just drive me ******* insane..

Let me take that back,
cause you don't understand any way else
You suffocate me
as if i cannot  breathe with each step that I take towards you
The more you want me, the less i do

My therapist says its an obsession,
for you to care this much
Obsessions can be dangerous if not taken care of..

But i do not worry, cause eventually you will forget
Forget  my sweet voice and the way I would sing to you at night
Forget my brown eyes and they way I looked at you when you smiled
But most importantly, you will forget I ever existed,
and instead you will remember of the monster you turned into

waking up in a world full of grey
try to see the bright and amazing colors i know are there
forcing a smile when i want to cry
pop a pill and wish to be happy again
don't know what wrong with me
all i want to do is cry and rage i have no idea why
depression is darkness that creeps with in me
as i where a mask of happiness

You were the cause of the worst week of my life.
You caused a week of torture.

A week of misery.
A week of pain.
A week of weight gain.
A week of sad songs.
A week of only talking to my dog.
A week of re-blogging sad quotes on tumblr.
A week of night sky pictures with sad captions.
A week of not knowing which way was up.
A week of only heading down.
A week of tiredness.
A week of hell.
A week of being weak.

But just as much as
someone can run out of strength;
someone can run out of weakness.

I am done being weak.
This week is over.
You showed me how weak I can be
So now it's time I show you just how strong I can be.