My heart’s beating
Pounding actually
But my chest
It’s heavy
My mind
Is empty
I’m trying
To smile politely
To hide it
But I can’t feel
I can barely hear the words
Falling from your mouth

Find me a drug
To end this mundanity
I was so **** low
Until I started those pills
Then I swung up so high
Even this sad life I live
Felt exquisite
Everything was exciting
It all made me smile
It was probably fake
But I don’t really care
Because now I’m fine
And that’s the problem
I can’t stand “fine”
I’m adrift in reality
And frankly
I’m not a fan

I laid down my life
Like a red carpet
For your beauty
To tread upon,
But you tracked
Filth and rot
Across it
And now
I am ruined

I'm so confused
I crave my own demise
But believe I have a purpose
I know I'm loved,
But I don't want it
I chase after highs
To capture escape
Then savor the crash
The pain, my justice
And honestly,
I'll do anything
If it makes my mind
Float away
From the tempest
Within my flesh

You got me high
Then let me fall
I hit the ground
And now
I don't know
If I want
To get back up
Out of my hell

You said you would take me higher,
To a place where I don’t feel so low.
You promised me you would deliever
But you only take me lower.

You were my angel.
You bought me up to heaven,
Holding me by the hand.
Then you dropped me back down.
Sending me plummenting into the ground.
I fell into a new low,
From the highest place one could go.

I am digging below rock bottom,
Reaching a new low that I didn’t know I could go.
Lower than low.

This is my new low.
The grave I dug for myself to lie in.
I look more dead than these skeletons
It is too deep for light to enter,
There is no love down here,
Only hate.

across the mountains and high seas
i want to travel as far as the moon can see
and still a little more to numb my thirst
as far above the sun as below the dusk

until the night howls and winter combusts
all around the spring singing of hurt
until the autumn grows loud enough to rust
until the day burns and stars submerge

wandering down the ways uphill a bliss
where mermaids drown and the gods sit
somewhere far where the flowers hiss
and all the pieces are where they fit

there where the clowns cry and live
from nowhere to across all the towns

carrying not an ounce of pain or a crown
in temples of Angkor with nothing to give

at the end of a rainbow and rain profound
the hollow windows and barren grounds
from rotten whispers and forgotten blitz
where demons prowl and angels ****

very depth of hell and under the ground
i'll travel as deep as a melancholic sound
under my skin crawling all the way down
the thunder and my sins all in a 'round

where the lights are dim and bound
with my plastic grin and elastic faith

down the road where none can be found
i'll wait there and sin with all my hate

so come for me before i go to waste
so come for me before it gets too late

so come for me before i close the gates
so come for me and come with a blade

so come for me before i fade,
so come for me before i name my price
so come for me before i wake,
so come for me before i take my life.

my sins poured in a can
steel sides don't let me break free
and there i hide with my plastic smile
by myself for them all to see

and i have this rubber mask
that goes well with my pain

i know i was never meant to last
with all this poison in my veins

but if i could be free
would i be me ?

and words are 'round
asking me what's around
what's that sound,
what can be worse than this ?

and words i found
they're all buried in the ground
what's the count,
what can hurt more than this ?


for i've kept a few names in my basket
i've ran the miles and now i'm past it
holding on but i know i wouldn't last this

for it shows when i smile all plastic
my skin isn't bullet proof but it's elastic
so bury my soul and burn the casket


and melt away all the plastic,
melt away the plastic

what can be worse than bliss ?

This dull pencil has filled me with lead and weighed down my soul

This canvas is blank
Save for the bruised marks of an angry quill

I shake as hard as I can
But the pen has fallen to the might of frustration

I am but a broken type writer