In disguise,
a hopeless wonder
Apprehensive and paranoid
I leap towards the open
my feet sticking to the field grass
My memories build worlds and voids,
steps and ladders shy away from my path Something tells me to climb upward
latch onto these fears I house within my shoes,
maybe take off the glasses I wear as an excuse,
to ignore your outstretched hand
But in disguise, a hopeless wonder
A small shallow breath
Accepting defeat against my stubbornness
This fear is nothing but distance I strive to keep
Because if I give you all of these words
and instead of grasping them tightly
they slip between your fingers
fallen, forgotten, meaningless.
then what?

I lose last battle
Your attention awarded
To somebody else

i remember that sunset drive.
cascades of light that folded in between our hands.
and i watched you close your hands against mine.
i watched the light between our hands fade — into nothing.
pulling back was the only course i took to save us,
but you will never know that, will you?
it was on that drive did I realize...
love is such a jading feeling.

Slowly falling into the growing darkness
Trying every day to hold my memories tight
My friends of many years fading into blackness
Nothing is staying in the light
Childhood memories disappear
Will I also lose who I am
That is my biggest fear

Written by
Michael Matthews