I miss him.
I miss the way he kissed me.
I miss the way he would hold me.
I miss the way he smiled at me.
The way he looked into my eyes.
How he made me feel content.
I miss how he'd joke about my tiny hands.
I miss the scent of him on my pillow.
I miss the love he gave me,
and how he showed it.
He's all I want and need,
so I miss him.
And I don't regret it.

Tear drops falling
drowning in sorrow
wipe away each one for me~
Just keep me laughing
today....tomorrow
spare me form this misery~

It smells like magic
To blow out a candle
Memories float from the wick
And noatalgia mixes in the air.

Dreams of a different time
Flood back as the vapors
Enter my nostrils.

I used to believe in things,
An enchanted world.

It reminds me of late nights
Alone in my childhood wasteland,
Dreaming and waiting...

The smoke dances
And I swear I can see
A future,
One that was supposed to be.

I can taste it in my mouth,
Ash is all that is left.

I found a million miles of river
run from the lakes of eyes
through the desert face
absorb in oasis pool of taste
pain like leaves falling in grace
will bring new life trees of great

on the side
off the mall
I found in night
the alter of a drunk
a stuff green frog
wet cigar ****
impaled his red throat
and not enough empty liquor
a straightened up cup
four fifths with rain
colored with ****
long left us with his abyss
he'll never get anywhere
with worship like this

but still there is a space
like a secret

maybe, does
Neil Gaiman know about this

Heavy foot steps and lead laeden words.
Trying to create sense of this emergancy of birds.
Predators hiding lurking in the laminate
sealed in with a kiss the layers are feeling permanant.
Clear obsidion mixed with volcanic ash.
Crushing down on me, im gasping for breath.
Shaking like a mountain just before the eruption
trying to remove myself from this plastic corruption.
Daisies die in feilds..
Deers burn as the air horns call out the catastrophy.

You all need to run from me.

Silence in my self, I am no longer seeking
i need to break free and sing just as birds sing.
Calling out the warning; shaking up the evergreens.
its all interconnected.
Hyperspatail turbulance im screaming in my bed
im worried
im afraid
im trying
its working
i think that the plastic might just be burning
the toxic
the posion
its all gassing off from me
dont breath me
i feel like its something.


I could just be werid. Relaxing in turbines, i think im just trying and poems lead to calm minds.

Make sense of me. Make sense of you.
And you.
And you.
Im caought up in the subterfuge.  Capracioisly grapsing
for what im not sure.

Cattawompus canyons are cut into my heart. Im so confused information on piecharts
, the values dont match
the legend is misleading.
God seems to be warrenting this healing.
Kicking in the door
creating a dizzy storm.
Cyclopeon rage
stolen from days of yore..

Its time to let go.
Its time to grow.

Just understand me . just for a breif moment. I am harmless. I am less. I am lost. I need rest..

A bunch more words too honest too painful. I write poems to unleash all that is shameful.

This hurts.

This is needed.

I am bleeding.

Just so I am.

Just living.

Just leaving.

Just kidding.

Just bidding.

Betting.
On when its all ganna explode.
On when the subroutiunes will need a defrag machine when the bios gets corrupted when the system wears down when i will stand in the light looking like a ******* clown.
Because i trusted.

Why is this so hard?
I am 24 years old and cant drive a mother ******* car.
Fear is a disease that i can not squah on my own
a whole battallion of star ships need to warp into my home and disrupt the radio frequencies that speak to me
in dreams the nightmares unending the face grips and rending my cheek bones are tensing my teeth are condensing milkbones and raw tones

This excitment inside me
burns out the live feed
darkness envolopes mailed sent by trumpet
these echos of my thoughts
repeat the words taought
like liar and loser you dumb ******* ****** acomplish not nothing but your something is ******* just so god ****** worthless they all wait for your face to turn to a frowning grimice of you drowning you floundering ****** you sociatial ****** you cautious cat crawling as dogs get the tasties of life while your wasting your time just complainging this echo echo chamber needs to be ******* obliterated. A star dust deconstruction and rebuilding of the most primitive functions.

Take me from my own head.
I made my bed.
Id lie in it. But. Its made of my own meat and guts.

Friends
.. I need your ******* help.

Just.
Be you. Perfect.

I trust you. Despite what these echos say bouncing in my brain.

Just.

This is too much.

Just.

I think im just werid..

Just.

Please dont run.

I remember the last day i seen you.
Its still etched in my memory
even tho its been a century.
Today i see you and its nothing.. maybe if you seen me a couple of days ago things would of been different but.. last night i gave up on everything completely, whats the point if at the end of the day i fall apart no matter if it was good or bad it only ends in self destruction. Sure i sound like a pessimists but i simply cant see the bright side anymore.. besides him who do i really have. No one. And im not even sure that he's really there maybe he's only here physically idk.  And im terrified to find out. All this uncertainty is drowning out my voice of reason.

My heart: "He's only going to hurt you, he doesn't love you and even if he did would you believe it? No.  He only wants you for one thing and as soon as he gets bored hes gone.

My head: well i really hope that isnt true.. maybe he can help me forget what she did to me.. maybe i wont feel so worthless anymore..  but if it is true, okay, lets play this game then. I can be just as heartless as him.

Later on that night: is laying in bed heart broken and gets even more lost at sea

...its okay.. no one can find me out here.. not after so much of me has been stolen away.. you probably wouldnt even recognize me..