one
You were my very first kiss,
But it became obvious that you loved roly polies more than me
It was never meant to work between us.

two*
Behind a tree at recess,
I showed you mine and you showed me yours
We were too young to feel ashamed of our bodies
We were pirates exploring a brand new sea
At 6 years old, every touch was a good touch

three
You told me I was funnier than all the boys in the class
You told me you hated going to mass on Monday mornings, too.
You pushed me on the swings and didn’t ask me to push you back.
I don’t even remember your name.

four
Thank you for trading me your favorite charzard pokemon card
Thank you for being my friend
Thank you for telling me you would miss me when I moved away
I was lonely before I met you
And after I unmet you

five
When it turned out that you were gay
I thought to myself ‘this’ll be a funny story
to tell my grandkids one day’

six
When YOU turned out to be gay
I decided maybe it would be better not to tell the grandkids

seven
Once we held hands in a middle school play
9 years later I watched you give your second interview on CNN
So, I’m not saying that I am responsible for your amazing success,
But I’m certainly not saying that either.

eight
After our first date,
I called and told you
That I missed you already.
I still do.

nine
Maybe one day I’ll forget the exact shade of your eyes
And the number of freckles sprinkled across your nose

I think of you more often than I don’t.

ten
Once we talked on the phone for 7 hours,
And when I told you I needed to go to sleep
You asked me to keep the phone on and lay it beside my pillow
You told me that you wanted my voice to be
The first thing you heard in the morning.
You said that you missed me terribly when I was gone.
But you were a really terrible kisser.

eleven
When I think of you I think of broken glass.

twelve
You asked me to call you ‘Peachtree Jackson’
The first time I met you.
And that’s when I knew I’d love you forever.

thirteen
I knew it was going to hurt when it started.
I was too young, and you were too old.
You were the first person to tell me that I had a beautiful mind
You kissed me greedily like a diver coming up for air
You are the reason I love poetry.
You are the reason I hated high school.
Your son is the spitting image of you,
And I hope that your wife tells you she loves you every single day.

fourteen
We melted into each other like honey into warm tea
Like new snowflakes into an open palm
We swapped virginities like baseball cards
You pressed your hands into my body like wet cement
Now when I undress for another man
I worry he can still see your finger prints
I thought of you like a small child
Who needed a hand to hold when he crossed the street
You treated me like your favorite shirt
Hung me carefully in the back of your closet
Kept me in your darkest room
Washed me out too many times and refused to throw me away
When you noticed the seams start to rip
You sewed your name into all my underwear
So everyone would know who they belonged to

fifteen
I know that you love me
But in a practical way.
I really, really did want it to be you.

sixteen
Your laugh still makes me feel like candlelight
Your sleepy morning smile is a lit up Christmas tree
Your kiss is a comfy sweater fresh from the drier
You were the first person I was afraid to sleep next to
Not because I thought you would leave in the night,
But because I was afraid to wake up ungracefully beside you
I wish you had told me the last time I laid myself next to you
Would be the last
I would have hummed the sound of your breathing
Committed each rise and fall of your chest to memory
I would have whispered my love into your ear
Instead of into your pillow
You are still my favorite part of the last 4 years
And I am the thrift shop you visit
To remind yourself what becomes of the people you love
When you’re gone

seventeen
This is for the love I have not yet met
I don’t know when we’ll meet or where we’ll meet.
It might be tomorrow or it might be 10 years from now.
Right at this moment you might be standing 3,000 miles
away from me
Or you might be shopping for groceries at the supermarket
down the street
Wherever you are, I hope that you are thinking of me, too.
But take your time, love.
You don’t need to feel rushed.
Whenever you’re ready to find me
I’ll be here.
Ready to add your name to my list.

charcoal
oxblood
poppy
pomegranate
maroon
cranberry
cherry
creams­icle
orange soda
saffron
lemon
egg yolk
buttermilk
sunflower
olive
forest
lime
mint
ice
blueberry
royal blue
navy
bubblegum
fuschia
salmon
grape
lavender
wine
chocolate
espresso

There are ticket stubs to quiet towns
and cigarette boxes litter the ground.


The TV is nothing but static,

the out of date maps are enigmatic.


A Bible is yellowed and battered,

a lipstick stained mirror is shattered.


The guitar on the bed is out of tune
next to paper plates and silver spoons.


37 text messages go unanswered,

love letters written to poets and dancers.


Peeling wallpaper and flickering lights
would make any sane person take flight.


But in the midst of chaos and decay

The wandering poet will always stay.

The list of regrets
That I have is overwhelming
And my friends just don't understand
I'm a perfectionist
I over think my good deeds to death
Until they are no more than
A collection of moments where I could have done better
But there are tiny fragments of moments
That given the chance to slide back in time
I would just sit back and watch
And be proud of my choices
The list of things I don't regret:

1. All the boys I've dated
Because they taught me how I should
And shouldn't be treated

2. Breaking up with the boys I've dated
When I deserved better

3. when my ex best friend gave me a letter
Apologizing for all of the snide remarks
Subtle insults
Talking behind my back
And never sticking up for me
Claiming that all of the new friends that she has
Can't compare to me
I threw out her letter and false promises
Not because I finally brought myself to hate her
But because I was finally strong enough to love myself

4. Climbing onto my roof that first time
Though I got yelled at by my
Angry mother
I got to watch the stars
And escape my worries
I found my happy place

5. When one of my friends texted me
Crying on the floor of her room with the door locked
Fearing what was on the other side
And I told her the three things
I wish someone had of been there to tell me
It's not your fault
It's abuse
Call the police

6.When I was trying to explain
An important concept
And on the fourth try
Of my sentence
I finally caught the attention of they guy
On his phone
And his extremely teenage response was
"I'm listening. It's called multitasking.
Need me to give you an explanation of how I can do it sweetheart?"
And though I'm the quiet one who doesn't speak up
Without missing a beat I responded with
"No. I'd rather you give me your respect."
And from then on
I got it

7. When I let myself trust
The gorgeous girl I met
Because in my experience  
The pretty girls are the mean ones
But this one wasn't mean
She was my best friend

8. Though I had never gone as a kid
I applied to work at a camp
Though I didn't know anyone else going
I left with best friends
And the best summer of my life

9. When I read my first poem out loud
Shaking and lightheaded
Having just shared a piece of myself
And been accepted.

I feel like the only person alive during winter at 7 am
- Everything is a little more beautiful at night
- Oak cologne
- Skin is the sexiest part of the human body
- The moment his pheromones began to make me ill
- I'm floating too close to the sun
- Heels: A transformation
- A list of people I couldn't say no to
- We should've waited longer
- Modern romance and the death of sincerity

She’ll be lovely. You’ll be able to count the spaces in between her ribs. She’ll have thin skin and it’ll be so easy to drive her crazy with just a single touch. It’ll be easy to make your mark on her, too. She’ll bruise easy and love it. She’ll think it’s beautiful.

2. She won’t ever be expensive on dates because all she’ll order is a salad. You’ll never have to worry about her ordering an expensive steak. You might have to worry about emergency room bills when she passes out, but she’ll never ask for anything else. All she’ll want is ***** and sleeping pills.

3. She will always put you first. Your needs always come before hers because she was raised “God first, others second, I am third”. She’ll make you hot chocolate and drive to your house at 3 AM with pizza she won’t eat, even though she’s dead tired and all she wants is a good night’s rest. You can count on her to be there.

4. She will tell you that you are perfect. She’ll believe it, too. Everyone around her seems to be perfect and she’s drowning under the weight of mediocrity but it’s ok as long as you know how perfect you are.

5. She’ll always have scissors and pencil sharpeners on hand. The knives in her kitchen are always sharpened to perfection and if you forget your razor at home, it’s ok. She has extras in her closet.

6. She’ll ******* anytime you want. As long as you don’t look at her while she’s getting undressed, she’ll love you until she can’t breathe anymore. She’ll smile as you kiss her thighs because you’re the only one that makes her feel beautiful.

7. Date a girl who hates herself because she’ll love you.

We always try to seek for answers though sometimes asking the right questions have always been the right answer. Read this and try to look back into your life, try to see if you’re steering your life at the right course, following the right heading, and at the right speed.

1. Which is worse, failing or never trying?
2. To what degree have you actually controlled the course your life has taken?
3. If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don’t like and like so many things we don’t do?
4. When it’s all said and done, will you have said more than you’ve done?
5. If happiness was the national currency, what kind of work would make you rich?
6. If the average human life span was 30 years, how would you live your life differently?
7. Are you more worried about doing things right, or doing the right things?
8. You’re having lunch with three people you respect and admire.  They all start criticizing a close friend of yours, not knowing she is your friend.  The criticism is distasteful and unjustified.  What do you do?
9. If you only one piece of advice, what would it be?
10. Have you ever seen insanity where you later saw creativity?
11. How come the things that make you happy don’t make everyone happy?
12. What one thing have you not done that you really want to do?  What’s holding you back?
13. Are you holding onto something you need to let go of?
14. Do you click the mouse more than once?  Do you really believe it loads faster?
15. Would you rather be a worried genius or a joyful simpleton?
16. Have you been the kind of friend you want as a friend?
17. Which is worse, when a good friend moves away, or losing touch with a good friend who lives right near you?
18. What are you most grateful for?
19. Is it possible to know the truth without challenging it first?
20. Has your greatest fear ever came true?
21. Do you remember that time 3 years ago when you were extremely upset, angry, and embarrassed?  Does it really matter now?
22. If not now, then when?
23. If you haven’t achieved it yet, what do you have to lose?
24. Why do religions that support love and cause so many wars?
25. If you just won a million dollars, would you still pursue your career?
26. Would you rather have less work to do, or more work you actually enjoy doing?
27. Do you feel like you’ve lived this day a hundred times before?
28. If you knew that everyone you know was going to die tomorrow, who would you visit today?
29. What is the difference between being alive and truly living?
30. Why are you here?
31. When it is time to stop calculating risk and rewards, and just go ahead and do what you know is right?
32. Can you count all your money while you hold your breath?
33. If we learn from our mistakes, why are we always so afraid to make a mistake?
34. What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you?
35. When was the last time you noticed the sound of your own breathing and feel the beat of your heart?
36. In 5 years from now, will you remember what you did yesterday?  What about the day before that?  Or the day before that?
37. Decisions are being made right now.  The question is:  Are you making them for yourself, or are you letting others make them for you?
38. What would you give up for your friends?
39. Do you rather reach for the peak to be cold and lonely or stay at the surrounded with the people you love?
40. What are the things that you have done lately to achieve your dreams?
*41. Would you stepped on other people just to have what you want?

Why I shouldn't do it
is a list at the very front of my mind.
It is comprised by  the mundane and insipid.
Little bullets with bold letters engraved and
edited every other day that
I didn't do it.

Why I want to do it
is a brief italicized and underlined word;
Liberation.

Why I shouldn't do it
is a desperate attempt at clinging
to each single facet of my prolonging days.
There are things like
-I have not read enough
-I have not seen enough
-I have not written it all
but Why I Want To Do It has added
neon lettering to that trifling word
and I am captivated by the prospect and
beauty of the light in the obscurity of my mind.

Why I'm making a list
is my hope that the amount of excuses
will surpass the weight of that word
and it will someday be crushed by the
pressure of
Why I didn't do it.

You’re annoying,
And offensive,
And loud,
And rude,
Yet entertaining,
And funny.
You’re thoughtful,
And deep,
And passionate,
And strong.

You keep me safe,
When my hope is gone.
You drive me crazy,
But keep me sane.
I lose sleep at night,
Because I can only think you’re name.

My mind is messy,
But you don’t care.
I need you,
Like my lungs need air.
I love your smile,
Your goofy laugh.
And how you let me play with your hair.

I know its hard right now,
Because you’re so far away.
But I promise,
It will all be better,
Some day.

The glow of your modesty
2. I don't want you to judge me
3. I can even feel the pain
4. Could be as strong as the start
5. Feelings are a funny thing
6. Doubt is a treacherous friend
7. One day you would hate me
8. Some fragments leave us insane
9. These aren't sympathy pains
10. We're like two lines that are skew
11. But I can't change something I grew into
12. You are my twin
13. Say you're sorry once in a while
14. Our friendship was obnoxious
15. I never said thank you for that
16. I am not your crisis
17. Do we have to act like strangers?
18. You are forgiven
19. You just left
20. It was both of our faults