Train Station in Autumn
A score of transports have passed,
Waiting for signs,
Held to a pains ticket gauging how long it would last,
My feet sprouting vines,
Words left unsaid,
Halted from fear and guilt,
Quivering whenever I coincide them as...
Because admitting it, is my pains hilt,
My sword as strong as my angle,
As strong as my instinct and steel,
Held pain, only creates a tangle,
Letting go, my Achilles heel,
Blood of future and past,
I wish I did more,
I didn’t know, it wouldn’t last,
Sitting at the train stations gift store,
I stay and hope and pray,
Waiting for a sign,
For a sign to move or stay,
The plan faulty in design,
To realize their train will never come by these tracks,
I still have my tickets to tomorrow,
My baggage bundled in tearing burlap sacks,
Move on from the sorrow,
I hear that train coming,
Destined for a new day,
Finally can start walking instead of running,
Maybe acceptance will make it decay,
The feeling will never be gone,
A void, where something should be,
Maybe the train will open a new dawn,
Time healed until another passing was to be,
From a reflection never born,
To someone who always checked in,
I got to pick the first bit of clothing she’d adorn,
Strength, kindness, willpower and empathy goes to my dear kin,
You vent, one listens,
Yet the folks at the train stop everyone has an ear,
A whistle blow, I hear the pistons,
Approaching the tomorrow train in anxiety and fear,
Believe, they are with me,
Holding faith in their belief in this untrained seer,
Stepping onto train, I and we,
Building anxiety as I listen to the train shift a gear,
Steel and steam pulling and coming to life,
My breath clutches, frozen,
Memories of a concerned grandfathers long run strife,
A child never to be where I put my throes in,
The compassionate, fiery soldier who was a sister who loved to discover,
Watching a familiar type of person still waiting with baggage in stow,
A familiar thought arising as they wait on another,
“Why. Did you have to go?”
For one I wish I had more time,
Another I wished I could’ve learned more, to see,
The loss felt for my child is prime,
So badly I wanted to trade, for instead it to be me,
I let learned principle restrain me from my mothers father,
My child I could’ve given full support and emotionally stay,
My dear kin told me not to bother,
... she promised. She’d be okay,
The train begins to move,
Breathing new air,
For myself and nothing to prove,
Keeping faith they will always be there,
The sky looks bright and blue,
Sleep was always restless and never tired,
This might be a good chance to grab a wink or two,
Finally sitting after all this turbulence I’ve mired,
I’ll still flinch at any of their names,
Time, faith and understanding,
We can’t always predict what the stars preordain,
We just hope we learn enough to cushion our landing,
With a legacy he lived long, learned, and had a life of progress,
Then our immortal fire who fought, Cared, tried,
So much to process,
I was never spiritually, but I cried,
To heaven, to hell,
Support goes a long way,
I feel I was ****** but that day I fell,
At that specific time, there was no price, I wasn’t willing to pay
The many night I so deeply cried,
Feeling as if karma has been taking her price,
“Manning up”, neglected emotions I set aside,
Nightmares, them alive only to awaken and be taken twice,
My ticket gone I feel insecure,
Clouds forming a bird with lightning in its wings,
New visions and sights to procure,
With all of the secrets that it brings,
Those passed loved me,
As I will, forever them,
From my emotions I can not longer flee,
Growing path and progress’ rooted stem,
The tracks lead me to my next stop on trip,
To learn and heal,
Listening, growing, trying to prevent others from a slip,
My lost can always be a passenger I’ll always feel,
However, I think it’s time.
For me to behind the wheel.
