you told me to open up
you convinced me
that you were a safe space
so deep down you reached
and pulled out the deepest parts of me
you reached your hands
into the darkest pits of my brain
tracing your fingers through all my trauma
intertwining them with my mental illness
you convinced me you understood
you grabbed ahold
of my fear of abandonment
you convinced me youd never leave
then you did
and when you removed your hand
you extracted everything
that i had locked away
so i healed myself
the only way i knew how
i tucked all those ***** little secrets
back into the deep abyss of my mind
i locked it up
and threw away the key
so no one else can violate my mind
the way that you did

I learned at a young age,
that the only person that is ever going
to always be there for me,
is me .

~ the girl abandoned too often

Alone...
Whether I'm in a crowded room,
                                        or alone with you....
                                                          It never seems to be enough...
I guess it shouldn't bother me as much,
                                                           ­ this feeling of loneliness...
I'd grown all too familiar with it growing up...
Never fitting in,
       always the one being left out of parties and social gatherings....
This feeling of loneliness is something I'd grown accustomed to,
                     but i never expected to feel it from you....
I thought you'd be different,
      I know how much your gaming means to you and I get that,
                                                           ­                                         I really do...
I just need someone...
Someone who's always going to be there,
                                                            sure­ there'll be distractions,
      but nothing that's so self emerging and addicting that in that moment and time nothing else matters but winning...
I just need that constant reassurance,
                                       that you're not going anywhere,
                                                       ­                            that I'm ok...
All i want is to be ok..... Not Alone......
        I want, no, I crave that comfort, like a warm blanket and cozy socks,
       curled up at a window to watch the rain as it pours down outside...
God I feel so alone.....

I’m never satisfied with you
No matter how much I try and change it I just can’t get a sense of fulfillment
Never wanting to show it
Not wanting anyone to see

I started writing this about my poems
It’s only now I realize it’s about you
Still not sure what I’ll do about it
I guess the world will have to wait and see