3rd floor
Yellow walls
And gracious friends all around.
Early morning approaches
Eyes blink and dry up
But that doesn't make a difference

Because as long as I'm with you,
It doesn't matter if it's 2:17 in the morning when I'm posting this poem,
Or 11:37 driving around the lighthouse,
My comatose state
Is no match
For what my heart cries for.

What you don't know,
Is that I kept the letters because they give me butterflies when I feel bad, especially when I feel bad because of you, they sit on my dresser for times of need.

What you don't know,
Is that I look forward to your drunk calls because they remind me that you think about me when I'm not around, lately they've been lacking but I know I'm still lurking in your mind.

What you don't know,
Is that sometimes when I'm alone I still think of us, and what we used to have, what you're desperately trying to get back, but I push you away because I'm afraid of loss.

What you don't know,
Is that I'm afraid to tell you any of this because then you might find my weak points, and use them against me, then I would fall so hard so fast, and I cannot let myself do that, I must stay strong.

But,

What you don't know,
Cannot hurt you,
Can it?

There’s a third space
That’s not quite here
Yet not quite there.
It’s a dark place
With no clear light
Other than the fireflies
That hover close listening,
To our quiet whispers
To our quick mumbling
And to the declarations.
There’s a slight drizzle,
But I don’t mind,
Because your voice is
      My umbrella
      My blanket
      My everything.
Close my eyes, listening
To the muffled backg­round,
It makes me think
I’m there with you.
But not quite there –
In a third         space,
With you beside me.
I don’t hangup first
Because I want to
Listen for your guard
As it falls         away
Some where in         that

                 Third space.

Cigarettes cigarettes cigarettes

Cigarettes cigarettes cigarettes

****** up emotions they turn me to the notion of

Cigarettes cigarettes cigarettes

Cigarettes cigarettes cigarettes

Really can't think my mama thinks I stink

but I still smoke these

Cigarettes cigarettes cigarettes

Cigarettes cigarettes cigarettes

I love these

Cigarettes cigarettes cigarettes

Cigarettes cigarettes cigarettes

I'm laying down and facing the ceiling of my bedroom. I stare with a blank state apparent in my eyes and it feels like the walls are closing in on me. The room is getting smaller and I'm playing your favorite song on the radio. The lyrics are flooding my veins and the room is getting smaller. I feel like I'm suffocating with your presence even though it's lacking beside me. I keep playing your favorite song and I continue to stare up at this stupid insipid ceiling that's doing my thoughts no good. The walls are finally caving in on me and my heart is cracking. You have finally accomplished what you've been trying to do all along, you have broken me to the point of no return. I will forever be a dusted pile of passion, love and regret beneath your feet.

How is that when I cut instead of taking my own life, it's a battle won
But when I try not to cut and to get better, I lose the battle?

Mustang from the past.
Let me ride until the moon falls down.
The sun is a loathsom beast.
I want to drive all night.
I want to love you.

Late night thinking
Unblinking and sinking
Rethinking my choice of words
It's absurd
Everything is so blurred
Fragments shifting through holes
I take on all these roles
What lost souls

Late night thinking
Tinkering with memories
I need remedies
These fragments slash through flesh
Fresh wounds fester
Exposing new memory holes

Late night thinking
Should I have said that
Combat of my mind
Memories become no mans land, blind
Confined within the crevices of my mind
I just want to unwind
Let's leave all this behind

Tomorrow, perhaps, you may find
Some peace of mind.