The old me dismayed,
Reaching, grasping for the knife,
The new me refuses.

Early minds turn to the sunrise
Wandering souls turn to the map
And the downhearted turn to the knife

Everything I hear is a blurred whisper
And everything I see is so distinct

I still avoid you in the hallways
To avoid all my inevitable nail biting
And stammering phrases

I remember how the hate coiled
In my intestines
Waiting to spring free
Out of my belly
But now the fire has subsided
And I smile and bit my lips

I still remember your birthday
And on any given day
I can recite all the late night messages you had sent me that I was too asleep to answer

And some nights I grew frantic with the knife
Trying to cut you out of my skin
That your fingerprints had so carefully engraved themselves on.

Other days I welcomed your curious stares
And our troubled conversations
Never once bringing up
How our pride had hurt each other
And how our lovesick past will always be in our minds

Another 24 hours and I go delusional
Holding your shadowed hand
And listening to your voice whisper sweet little lies in my ears.
But I hope your reality never becomes better than my imagination.

But you still avoid me in the hallways.

You said you're innocent
and that all was just coincidence
I sneered "Oh, such confidence.."
I feigned my courage
but how could I manage
to taste this cold spoilt porridge?

Why does it hurt more when you say this?
Why does your tears feel like acid on my skin?

Do you see these wounds?
They never healed
You scratched my scars
All those times you pleaded
You twisted the knife you once stabbed
You drilled your nails as I watch it jarred to my flesh
And what else? Drenched them with brine of memories

But where were you all those years?
When this girl cried buckets
Drowned with her own tears?

How I wish
You can put her arms back to their sockets
Maybe then
She will forget how you made her feel
And once again
Hold you like everything was just a dream.



-Twist The Knife, Margaret Austin Go

There's a person I don't speak about
I try to push them from my mind
But there's a self-control drought
I can't leave the past behind
They introduced me to something dark
Something steeped in despair
And when the knife hit its mark
When I needed help, they weren't there

It began as curiosity
But grew into monstrosity
Now our friendship is spent
All I can do is resent
The person who ruined my life
**Who showed me what you can do with a knife

your words so sweet they rotten your teeth.
guzzling up your lies so we wont see.

it'll be a battle to the death of our dignity.
a fight between just you and just me.

who will be the first to commit the worst?
actions so painful but the memories more like knife work.

they'll fade away and only be remembered as plastered faces.
all that will remain are cigarettes with their lipstick traces.

and to end with nothing but disposition,
all those unaccredited good doings,
all that wasted ambition.

*-dh

You were a knife in my chest
But I miss you

You're not with me anymore
But I'm still bleeding

A rocket screams in flames in my blue, blue sky,
Bright beautiful day,
This tragedy my lie,
As I wander through my mind,
I run this poisoned knife,
Into my heart and wish I was more kind.