Toddlers can put green crayons in the freezer without
Anybody questioning them and I
Have a problem with that.
I have a problem with the fact that toddlers can put
Green crayons in the freezer and tell their parents that they are
Preserving
The Earth and that they’ve been learning about
Animal adaptations and conjunctions in school
And that they
Love
Their friends.
I have a problem with the fact that a
Toddler’s idea of
Beauty
Is a butterfly landing on their finger during
Recess, a snowflake on their tongue, the
Grogginess of  staying up past 8:30,
****** snacks, Dora the Explorer,
The satisfaction of scraping the
First chunk out of a tub of butter, the
Giddiness and fear at your first sleepover,
The one where you had to timidly shake your
Friend awake in the middle of the night because you could
Not for the
Life of you find the bathroom.
I’m not ashamed to admit that
I haven’t said I love you in a time that
Lingers like the smell of burning.
It’s always love you or love ya and I’ve
Forgotten what it feels like for those words to
Caress my lips, to guide my heart
Out of its cage into the
Stale air.
I want to be considering beauty like a
Toddler.  I want to be watching Dora and
Learning about conjunctions, but instead I’m
Crying because I can’t fit into my jeans right and I
Don’t know how to do makeup.  I want to say
I love you and let it
Ring in the air like
Frozen music
But I can’t
Because you’re
States away and instead I brush my hair
So many times for people who don’t even like me that
There’s no personality left.
I have a problem with the fact that you
Moved on so quickly and left me with the
Loves me not flower petal and that
Dora the Explorer is not on Netflix
Anymore and the price of Happy Meals goes
Up everyday like the age of my
Heart  
And that
Toddlers can put green crayons in the freezer without
Anybody questioning them and say that
They
Are preserving the Earth.

i opened my eyes
i open my eyes
i will open my eyes:

i realized
i realize
i will realize:

* nothing is worth more than family *

TO MY DEAREST ONES:

MY SON NICHOLAS:
fan of dragons, buburacker, properer schelm, the best that happened to me. you are becoming me and yourself
i have been changing through you
indescribable love is in me for you my son.


MY DAUGHTER EDEN:
this verse is about the delight in your cheeks when you're smiling baby
one day i looked into your eyes for a long while this was our closest moment so far
indescribable love is in me for you my daughter

BEZA:
i truly apologize for all the bad things you had to deal with during my active dependency
you're a good mother: god bless you. i love you.

MOM and DAD:
i am made of you and i've been given a lot by you, my parents


TO MY DEAR ONES:

maria and barbara (believers like us)

christoph z. (the man with a great taste in music)

CHRISTOPH R. (wise and pervaded with love) & sandra

ELIAS (try to quit the gaming, young brüderle)

alin & valerie (the twins)

uncle günther (try to reduce your pod smoking much love)

aunt susanne (meet me on christmas much love)

andreas (all best to your mother, may she rest in peace)

cousin tina & lance (blessings by god and shem; an inspiration)

aunt marlies & uncle teddy & and their dog billy (empathy is the best medicine to live a good life)

aunt lotte (have never met you but would like to)

if i have forgotten anyone, please forgive me
God bless all of you
you are my family

MUCH LOVE
ICH LIEBE EUCH

YOURS
MAX a.k.a. MIKEY

There's no words to describe the feeling of you kissing my cheek
Kiss my mouth to get me started
Plant one on my cheek to be sweet
But you don't need to be sweet with me
It's all just routine

Well you know whats going on-
You know yet you still sit there and
wait-

So while at it give life a thought-

not yours but the kids

-why even are we doing it?

It's survival

gökhan is turkish
it means: ruler of heaven

first time i met you:
september 3rd 1993
first day at school

we looked at each other
we wanted to sit together
we became friends

how sturdy you were
people always thought you
were much older
but me?

i had a babyface
hated my babyface
wanted to look older due to my
fatherless childhood
always wanted to be my own dad
wouldn't work though

so gökhan became my daddy
father figure and protector
i looked up to you my man

ruler of heaven

six years later you died of cancer
i rushed to the hospital
countryside germany

when entering your room
aware of your death
i saw your stiff body

and you were smiling
i will never forget that
gökhan

an african-turk growing
up in germany 1990s
called gökhan tatchouop
lost the battle against cancer
sixteen years old

and he really died with a smile
because he was a good man
who did the right thing

as i get older year by year
i could be gökhan's dad by now

you're with me