What equals Fear?
Rejection.

What equals Rejection?
Fear.

What equals Love?
Jealousy.

What equals Jealousy ?
Not love? Again fear?

Is this some paradox based on the thin line between love and hate?

I just wanna tell you I'm sorry for being envious.
I didn't want that.
I didn't even know I wanted only You.

I underestimated myself.
I can move on now.
The lesson is clear.
I just need to remove the Fear.
From You.
Myself.

The way you're sleeping with no worry in your head,
while I'm crying and weeping endlessly in my bed,
makes me wonder ever so slightly
"What the hell is going on in my psyche?"
You, a wonderful and humble creature,
I'm begging you to be my teacher.
I'm holding on to this heavy burden,
while you willingly embrace the uncertain.
As i am gently stroking that fur of yours,
the turmoil in my head is ending its wars.
And though I am aware that you're in no need of affection,
your glistening gaze is still seeking for my attention.
I'll ask myself "Are you lonely too?",
but your eyes wander to somewhere else anew.
I f*cking envy you.
But something deep inside me tells me
that as soon as I'll leave your side mercilessly
you will look after me sadly
and feel pity towards me

really, really badly.

and finally,
maybe

understand me?

© fey (21/12/19)

Through green eyes, a sharp line of
Sight, unsettlingly dancing on desire, hunger, necessity,
A gaping hole where it would perfectly
Fit. An insatiable yearning only fulfilled by
Metamorphosis into a new one, for this
Greener grass has never looked greener than
The one I feel under my feet.

Your were the feather,
       me the flight beneath your wings.

But we were never meant to soar,
   people trying to shoot us down...


                                   Your friends,
her plumage isn't pretty enough..

                                       My mates,
well I saw him kissing another girl..


Funny that jealousy makes others
         like a dodo.. unhappy that they
                           cant fly higher than us.

Because the days they said, like amnesia.


            We were together handcuffed to each
others fingers,
                           never letting go.
We resisted arrest ending up in the bedroom.

                                             Feathers flew that night.

You told me I was a masterpiece that only
you could admire, and your friends were
                                        jealous that I
wasn't  open all hours...

     No i only had private screening in my life for one.

We flew higher than the stars,
never shooting across,
             no we just huddled in the darkness close.

The glistening glare of dawn,
Dampens my view,
My eyes are all blurry,
Yet I seem to see it all.

The hollow shell that I am,
Fondled with the color of dawn,
Seem to find myself yet again,

The perpetuality of dawn,
And its evenness,
Makes me jealous and nonchalant,
Yet I seem to sense nought.

I find myself thinking yet again,
All these moments are irreproducible.
I wonder when I said this before

It's just a red ticket with a stamp on it.
People are willing to work for it all their life,
Like merciless machines doing their job.
Only for glories upon the top of the ivory tower.

Flesh and blood can be easily knocked down
The red ticket can make the so-called friendship
cheap enough to be sold out as household items.
How strong is the pledge of brotherhood?

You lied to yourself only love is the best,
Until she says "you can't give me happiness".
You realize that there are too few chips in your hand
and when you woke up to see how ridiculous the world is.

because i always see you all giddy

fidgeting with her ring

texting her in class.




why was i any different?