your vague and generic words don't soothe my worry...
it seems like you immediately went to talking to someone as soon as I left the room...
and your only offer of reassurance was your generic, "you're the only woman in my life"...
but I know I don't just have to worry about women with you...
i have to worry about everything.
i feel like you don't care anymore, and I'm not sure where this feeling is coming from.
but it has been growing and there have been no reassurances from you that seem genuine anymore...

Poetry is an act of narcissism.
Poetry is screaming into the ears of other people.
Poetry is the art of begging strangers to look inside your mind.
Poetry is therapy with the ******* cashflow reversed.
Poetry is an act of narcissism.
This poem is a cry for forgiveness.
I wish I could call It an epilogue, but that it is not.

Hi, I am the poet and I am also an addict.
I am addicted to the attention and love of other people.
I am addicted to the feedback and approval of other people.
I’m 20 and I still act like I’m the only person on earth.
It probably has something to do with my parents.
Or any other way I can shovel the blame off myself.

Sometimes I hate selfless people because I wish I could be like them.
I have not said that out loud before.
I never ******* grew up.
I have not said that out loud before.

Today I spent £20 of my Mother’s money because I convinced myself I deserved it,
Because It’s hard getting out of bed,
Right?
                                                                                 Please see my thoughts.

Today I convinced myself it’s not my fault I get jealous of other people,
I’m a blameless product of my upbringing,
Right?
                                                                          Please tell me they are okay.

Today I wrote this poem and lay in bed,
And you should pat me on the back for that,
Right?
                         ART IS DEAD WE KILLED IT ARE YOU HAPPY NOW


Poetry is an act of narcissism.
I am a poet.
Forgive me.
Forgive me.
Forgive me.
Forgive me.
Forgive me.

You don't understand it.
The heavy breathing
The hollow gap in my heart
Even I don't understand it...

Doubt settles in my brain
Insecurity embedded in my mind.
This is an endless cycle,
My downwards spiral...

I want this to stop
I want the suffering to end
I want to cease the pain
I just want to feel whole again...

"You are beautiful", says the mirror.
My mind sneers, "Here's another liar."

I am a dichotomy
Caught between the best of me
And what feels like what’s left of me
After years of insecurity
I am caught in a dichotomy
Wondering if you’re using me
Or if you’ll set me free
I want to believe that you’re good for me but
I can only see the warning signs caught in between the breaths I meant to breathe
I am at war
I don’t know if I can count my trauma amongst the casualties
Or if they remain my true enemy
An enemy like darkness, like you, a vacuum which absorbs all light but the rays needed to illuminate your face
Because around you I am blind
Stumbling through broken words and empty lines
Searching for meaning with no concept of time
I am merely painting signs in the hopes that this time you’ll see
Because it’s too dark and the air around you is hard to breathe
But the pain is bittersweet
With each inhale brings recovery
And each exhale lets me find release
I am bound and I am free
I am confident and also weak
I am brave but I am cowardly
I am a dichotomy
Because within me lies more complexity
Then simple character traits which are assigned to me
I will not be chained to simplicity
Another nobody screaming into a void of uncertainty
Because I am a dichotomy
You cannot contain me
I defy reasoning
I have the power to unleash words like demons and in the same breath profess love and if you’re listening
You know that
I am more than a man, I am an idea
An idea that maybe the greatest power is found in dichotomy
A dichotomy like you and me
Through the darkness and the light we proceed
Because we were never one without the other
In this dichotomy we believe
In this prison we are free
Encaptured by the dichotomy of you and me.

you say that you care
but you don’t say why
am i living a lie
when you tell me goodnight?

do you really love me
or that i love you too?
i wonder what you would do
if i ever left you

would you notice i was gone?
or just move on with your life
would you even bat an eye
and if you did, would you cry?

are you really there for me?
should i trust the things you say?
i think i should go away.

would you let me?

My aunt tells me

Be careful with your heart

And I promised her I would

But I couldn't tell her

That it wasn't my heart I had to be careful with

It was my mind

talk, talk, talk
i hear myself speak

please excuse me
why can't i stop speaking?
come on come on
shut up shut up
you have self control
so come on now shut up

i'm sorry
i'm trying
oh lord why can't i shut up
please excuse me

please excuse me
i know you don't want to hear me
please excuse me.