I can feel it

The glaze of your eyes
The air that filled your lungs
Warmth in your hand

Now it's different
You turn into monster
You burn anyone that come

Now your lips whisper potion
Your eyes showing thunder

May i know?
Where to find the old you?

Sometimes
when I look at old pictures of you,
I cant remember you.
I cant remember
what used to look like
or what your face would look like now if it was looking back at me.
Because when I see you,
I see the sadness.
The sadness that I feel
without your presence
and the sadnes
that took you away from me.
I see the life you lived
that many times I couldn't be a part of.
I see the silence
that housed your suffering,
but also the joy that you gave
to every person that has passed through you.
I see the empty chair on my wedding day
and the vacant arms around my children.
I see myself reaching for you
and crying your name when I'm alone and forgotten.
So when I look at you,
I dont see your face.
I dont see your gray hairs
or brown eyes or fake smile.
I see your past,
and my future
and everything in between 
and I miss it.
I miss you.

You,

I regretted knowing you, though I don't regret our memories. I regretted knowing you at a wrong time, at a time where both of us ain't the best for each other but then again, if fate ain't on our side then I guess there's really ain't any perfect time. Well, what can I say, I'm still stuck with this agony of a feeling, if I would play a scene and rewind it over and over again like a broken tape, the title would be "when I met you".

Me

you cracked me wide open,
your name is the name of the wind.
carrying the distant memories,
i wish i could unseen.

as the passing time,
my words shall not rhyme,
but yet i keep you within.

nor i expect of you to meet my words,
to hear my shouts and i shout loud!
... as i am standing in the eye,
of a raging hurricane.

i will miss...

...all the words even when they’re meant for someone else

...how you make me read between the lines, the commas, the
parentheses and the semicolons

...the all-consuming feeling as i turn the last page

...giving you up to others

symptoms include:
brushing my teeth in the middle of the day
wearing my pajamas three days in a row
failing classes i understand
listening to regina spektor's old albums on repeat
wearing your flannel to sleep
talking to myself, forgetting you aren't around

fatality rate:
high

recommended:
a soft kiss on the lips at two am
as we fall asleep
talking about committing arson

My real mother,
her name is Angela
She invests her heart and soul into
a child that she did not birth.

She loves, has a selfless sacrifice for someone else's kid in all of her,
while ignoring her own comfort.

She could never replace my biological mother,
but every child needs her mother
and nothing can change how much
I love her

I will always be there for you
I will always care about you
I will always fight for you
I will always love you

you were never there for me
you never cared, your silence was the key
you never fought for me, instead, you broke me free
you didn't love me, you  never accepted you and me
because you  judged a person I was never meant to be

Someday you'll realize I was there when no one else was.
That I loved you like no other, and I didn't judge you like the others
Makes me wonder, why do I still bother?