I might as well be yelling, shouting, screaming at the rate this is going
Cursing the very ground you walk on
I could hand you my heart in a velvet box
and you would look at it as you would a keychain from Las Vegas

I might as well be laughing
Is there any more to do in such a situation?
Shoving your head against a wall will make you feel something, but the wall isn't going to budge

I might as well be sleeping, or trying
It would be so much more productive than lying here,
surrounded by all these bags of unanswered questions and imaginary conversations

In fact
I might as well be silent
Because no matter how heavy my restrained love may get to carry, or how paper thin my walls become around you,
no matter how desperately I hold your gaze or how genuinely you caress me in my dreams
You still refuse to take a fair risk
or give a fair chance

I slept wrapped with your limbs
I slept with my heart enclosed in your hand
I slept with your skin caressing mine in the night
Breath mingling, sharing air
You walked, unaffected
I was in so deep, blind to anything but you
Still blind to anything but you
But you dont want to see me anymore
Stop calling, maybe Ill be able to progress from crawling.

roses are red
violets are blue
its almost valentines day
but I don't **** with you

Somedays I wish





you and I




would get caught alone

in a life and death situation where nothing matters anymore and any responsibilities or complications that used to exist have faded because we are going to die anyway so I could find out what is really on your mind, so I could tell you everything, because why not at that point? So I could tell you everything I've done, how I really feel and why I did so many things, everything that has happened to me, and hope that maybe, in our last moments of life, you would understand.

I think the most ****** up part is that
I don't even think what you did was terrible
I mean yeah it's terrible that you hooked up with another girl when you made it seem like you liked me
But maybe it was just a hook up
And maybe you look at me more than that

But that's the most ****** up part
That I'm okay with the fact that you hooked up
As long as the girl didn't mean anything

BUT IT SHOULDN'T ******* BE THIS WAY
I DESERVE SO MUCH MORE
THAN THIS
THAN YOU
I ******* HATE MYSELF FOR EVEN HAVING A LITTLE HOPE IN YOU
EVEN RIGHT NOW
AS I TYPE THIS
UGH
I HATE YOU SO MUCH

the funniest thing about love is what it can bring.
it can bring sadness or anger or happiness.
love is a wonderful and deadly thing.
love is the strongest thing in the world.
its hell and its heaven.
its good and evil.
its like dancing with the devil.
so innocent yet so cruel.
or it can be like looking in the eyes of Him.
all i know is, my best choice was falling in love with you.
and yet why do i feel it was the worst mistake.

So many times I tried to convince myself you actually might have cared and you didn't just use me and throw me out like worthless trash. For so long I was fooled by those beautiful **** blue eyes that used to make me smile but now makes my heart ache and my head hurt and my mind yell at me for being so foolish. I asked myself so many times how you can go from saying that you needed me, needed me or else you’d fall apart, to forgetting my name, acting as if it never slipped passed your lips, forgetting that I was the first person who stayed up with you late and night and went out of my way to wipe away your tears...were those tears even **** real or where they a way of getting me to actually believe you cared. Those late nights I stayed up worrying whether or not you were okay. God, I lost so much sleep wondering about you.
I tell others who ask that I hate you and that I don’t care that you’re gone from my life, but there are nights I look down and remember how nice to was to have someone who was always, always there. How I felt special that you chose me to be the person that you’d tell all your secrets too and the first person you’d come to when you needed advice.
But now you go on with your life without even spending one second thinking about me. You go on day after day without having me cross your mind while it's been seven months since we talked and just last night I was up till 2AM on a Sunday night thinking about you and wanting to rip out my own beating heart for caring about you for so long after you long since forgot I even exist.
I tell myself daily that I hate you more than anyone, but I know that I'd forgive you in a heartbeat.

I hate you so much
I hate how much you think you love me
I hate that you pretend to care
I hate you and your big brown eyes, I even hate your curly black hair
I hate the way you have to try to make me fall for you

But the things I hate most
Is how you don't think you love me, you know
Is how you're not pretending, you don't put on a show
I hate how you care so much
I hate the look you give me ,with those big brown eyes
I hate your perfect curls, and how you aren't like most guys
I hate that you don't try to make me fall, you just let it happen
I hate that you look down at me,
God I hate that you're so tall

but what I really hate is that I don't hate you not even at all ..
I couldn't hate you even if you lied
Because when you aren't with me I just want to die
I couldn't hate you, not even a little bit
but what you don't know is that my heart will never quit
saying I hate you... but I mean just the opposite.