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  Dec 2014 Courtney
some days they are sad. sad about the weather, sad about the thing that happened last night, sad about losing their favorite book, sad about their coffee being cold, sad about the fact that they can't find matching socks. lots of things make them sad, lots of nothings make them sad too. you see, when you have a predisposition for being sad, every little thing counts.  so when you ask her why she is sad and she cannot answer, do not press further. do not go looking for a reason that just isn't there. when you ask what you can do and she says nothing, do not be hurt. do not feel useless. when she wakes in the middle of the night and she is silent, but you can feel the bed shaking as she cries, do not assume you know what she is feeling. you don't. hold her if she wants it, don't touch her if she doesn't. if you ask her if she wants you to stay and she says yes, do. but if she tells you to walk away, do not listen. stay with her, because if you don't, she might not be there in the morning .
Courtney Dec 2014
Im cold and alone and you're all I have.
And the voices have come again. And they are louder.
"you're worthless" "you're nothing" "no one likes you" "I hate you"
"just die" "you're fat and ugly" "**** yourself"

As I scream and cry for your help, you comfort me.
You tell me, it'll be okay now hush hunny
I slide you through my skin.
   I go  again
and  again

Yet, stil i can't feel anything inside, all i can feel is the
Warmth of the blood that is flowing down my leg.
For I am hollow inside,  I can no longer feel.
All I can feel is your cold kisses on my skin.

dear bestfriend, you're my *sweet release.
  Dec 2014 Courtney
Vivian Cunniffe
at first i did not realize what you meant when you said 'i love you'.
i thought you'd said it because you knew just how vulnerable i was to you.
you knew what i felt was real. but what you did wasn't
you were hiding behind a mirror that only reflected the love i had for you.
the things that weren't really there.
i did love you
i shouldn't have
but i do not regret kissing you that night under the lamppost
and i do not regret staying in my room all day long with you
but i do regret that first kiss
by the ball field
the night you vowed you would never stop loving me. the night that i was truly undoubtedly beautiful to you
i felt that.
but now i feel nothing for you.
you were the closest thing I've felt to true love and definetly the closest to heartbreak.
for months i couldn't breathe
my eyes were the red of blood
my checks were puffy as clouds
my skin was salty and id lost all passion for mascara because it only seemed to run down my face within minutes of applying it.
i laid in bed nearly all day
i couldn't move or speak
you had shattered me
and here i am
being you're friend
watching you kiss her
watching you hold her hand and watching you love her.
but i don't feel pain anymore.
i feel something worse
i feel empty
well those were good days
  Dec 2014 Courtney
Its true in life
you will fill down
in the dumps.
You might think of ending
something that
was supposed to last.
You have to keep going
for if anything is important its you,
put down that razor,
that bottle of bleach,
youre here for a reason
youre the reason for my
youre the reason
the earth is better
youre the reason
i'm living youre all that iv'e got.
I may not know you
I wish I did,
no matter your age
grown-up teen or kid.
Just know that it gets better
its true,
you might not
want to hear this
but you've all that I got,
keep going
I love you
your life is worth the shot.
Little more uplifting than most of my thoughts...
  Dec 2014 Courtney
Hatred: Protects us from hurt.
Happiness: Blinds us from the inevitable.
Sadness: Shows we are human.
Jealousy: Shows we care.

Love: Destroys us from the inside out.
  Dec 2014 Courtney
Liz And Lilacs
He told me he was damaged.
I was too,
So I tried to fix him.
If I could save him, I could save myself,
Or maybe he would save me.
But instead,
He broke me further
Instead of mending the rips in my soul,
He tore it to shreds,
And left his marks on my skin.
It's not nice to hit people.
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