All I could see is a face of uncertainty
A poker face that has me curious
So serious and mysterious
I long for your presence
The best thing I can do is imagine your appearance
Killing these feelings are harder than anticipated
I yearn for your voice
I have no choice but to accept
What I desire
Is forbidden and must be hidden
That I must tame this fire
That has me engulfed in flames
Leaving me to be anguish
That we are no longer speaking the same language
And for that I can endure no more
So I will lay lifeless on this floor
And dream of a love that doesn’t ignore
This poor fool

When I imagine meeting the man I will marry
We are in a conversation with others
And someone says something
To which I reply
A quote from a movie
Off to the side
Too obscure for the average mind
And he would laugh
Or maybe say back
Another great line

How unfortunate how sad
It can't be considered a bad luck
A lightning has struck
Above my head, a rain that won't stop

I've accepted it, my fate
A story Im going to state
Its up to you, you can give me a rate
Misfortune that is just too great

I have this question in my mind
Though, I know I'm not kind
And the time isn't right
A true lover, why can't I find?

Well, I found you
But I know, I'm not meant for you
You are too good to be true
My chance to win you is too few

A man came across my sight
Suddenly my world stoped
I know, this isn't right
This feeling I can't fight.

He is so fair
Looks that are extremely rare
But for you, you don't care
All I can ever do is just stare.

I think the main problem is,
I always fall instantly in love,
without restraint or reservation,
like I’ve never been hurt before,

we throw caution to the wind,
then go all in with reckless abandon,
because we are on the ride of your life,
and we don’t want to go solo we’d rather ride tandem,

on a tangent,
writing lines as my emotions run rampant,
I’m in a parking lot somewhere outside of Denver,
on my laptop typing like it’ll make some kind of difference,

woke up,
on the wrong side of the bed,
welcomed back,
to Waking Life with a tightness in my chest,
and this relentless feeling,
of eternal loneliness that I can’t shake,
which has got me thinking,
maybe some souls can’t be saved,

and maybe that’s why I’m now sitting in my car,
with tears in my eyes and nowhere to drive,
because there’s nowhere I want to go,
other than back to the place where my love was denied,

the only place I want to go,
is back into the arms of the one that let me go,
but she’s so far gone that our memories seem like just dreams,
and I’m not dreaming I’m wide awake so,

I feel so far away from her,
and the tears start to flow,
and instead of take of my life I shake and write,
these words to show we all hurt and lose control,

and yeah I know I’ve got nothing really to complain about,
because I’ve got a great life and all that,
but knowing that my life is better than most of those in this world,
doesn’t really make me feel better in fact,
it makes me more depressed,
because it makes me wonder what hope we have left,
as the forests burn and the wars rage,
and the polar bears panic on constantly melting ice caps,

and I’m aware of all of these facts,
and maybe that’s why I’m in my car with tears in my lap,
lost with no motivation running out of time and patience,
can’t see a future can’t feel the present can’t remember the past,

oh what an unruly mess we’ve made,
how much longer could this all possibly last?

And despite all of this or maybe because of it,
I always fall instantly in love,
because it seems like love is the only thing that matters,
and the only thing that can save us from ourselves,

but maybe we need to fly in love instead of fall in love,
maybe then we can finally be liberated,
maybe if we just showed a bit more love to the world,
maybe then that love would be reciprocated,

so maybe love isn’t the problem,
maybe love is the solution,
maybe we need more reckless lovers not less,
loving without restraints or reservations,

even though 9 times out of 10,
it leads to heartbreak again,
but hey we’d rather express our love,
than try and hide it and pretend,
that we don’t feel anymore,
because we still feel we really do,
so find someone to love right now,
before everything is done & through,

and I still love you,

and maybe that’s why I think the main problem is,
that we always fall instantly in love,
without restraint or reservation,
like we’ve never been hurt before,

but that’s okay,
because I’d rather live one day,
in love,
than live in a lifetime of hate,

so go ahead,
fall instantly in love,
without restraint or reservation,
like you’ve never been hurt before…

∆ LaLux ∆

So windy outside,
it feels like this house is a boat,
sea sick feeling queazy a bit,
dizzy from the commotion of being afloat,

she loves me,
she loves me not,
if you even have to ask you already know the answer,
it’s exactly what you thought,

what’s it going to be,
choose your own adventure,
use get used win lose,
game over add another quarter,

see it feels like Time stopped,
went to sleep a young child woke up an old man,
it’s got me saying things like “When I was a kid,
we’d go down to the arcade and play video games.”,

who’s world is this anyways,
and why do I feel like this is all a dream,
I suppose I loved her because she made me feel this dream was real,
but I guess this as in us wasn’t as real as it first seemed,

I’m bursting,
at the seams,
taking the glory of this torment,
and displaying it on the screen,

so I’m back writing again,
it was either that or emotional suicide,
swear to God it’s easier to not feel at all,
than to have all these emotions bottled up inside,

see if ignorance is bliss,
and genius it torture,
than being Emotionless,
is better than being a Hopeless Lover,

still searching for something that doesn’t exist,
like a Conspiracist searching for the Loch Ness Monster,
swear it’s a curse to not live every moment as a blessing,
because there is still only now there is no happily ever after,

there is only now,
that’s how it’s always been and will be,
and right now I’m alone in this vessel that feels like a sailboat,
caught in a windstorm lost out at sea,

so windy outside,
it feels like this house is a boat,
sea sick feeling queazy a bit,
dizzy from the commotion of being afloat…

∆ LaLux ∆

Friday The 13th, April 2018

Read/Download the newest book for free here: www.scribd.com/document/367036005

Crisp white duvet twists into self with pastel trees
I see the trails along the fabric with the bumblebees
Long haired brunette, printed t-shirt,
Watermelons and cherries, I watch them flirt
His arm tenses I watch his muscle animate
He yawns he says it’s getting late
She curls into him lays her head on his chest
They stay in a loving embrace while they rest
I’m sat beside with an empty space both in my head and heart
There is nothing for me but an end to another start
I watch, I observe I stay quiet as their murmurs fill this room
Their openness terrifies me, I store everything of myself in my stone tomb
Intimate touch I feel the electricity fly, it bounces from these four walls
Their feelings grow but like a ghost my tortured soul haunts these halls
Because I watch these two creatures share a moment we all crave
Then I look at my life and want to return to my loveless cave
In the mountains of solitude where I choose to reside
With no love no one by myside
I watch this innocence hopeful and true
Maybe someday the man I want will love me and I pray that I can love him too
Until then I’m in a bed made for three
I’ll keep fighting this war in my mind against me
Tangled together skin on skin hair through his fingers
My desperation and my needs stay to linger
Maybe I’ll have the same one day…………….
One day, I hope for a bed only made for two where I can forever lay.

fall in love with me.
settle down with me.
explore with me.
love with me.
cry with me.
hurt with me.
grieve with me.
heal with me.
be with me.
hold me.
kiss me.
discover me.
sing with me.
read with me.
learn me.
understand me.
accept me.

and if you do, i will

fall in love with you.
settle down with you.
explore with you.
love with you.
cry with you.
hurt with you.
grieve with you.
heal with you.
be with you.
hold you.
kiss you.
discover you.
sing with you.
read with you.
learn you.
understand you.
accept you.

and we can fall in love with us.