For a thousand reasons they've hated me
Waiting in the shadows, for a daily treat
Stuck in this hell hole, to be the predator
Never was the intention to hurt others
Even my sweetest words can harm them
Condolences on behalf of my mourning
In the middle of a terrible story, I stand
As the hero and the villain, a modern drama

Let me dry out under the sun rays
Falling, shattering leaves all over the ground
As their celebration begins in this beautiful evening
As death comes forth, I await a merciless judgment

I think about car crashes,
And the wind in the grass,
Summer was just hot enough,
For our small souls to bloom.
The path I traverse over and over,
I’m coming back to now,
My life appears to be re-walking,
Re-tracing.
My heart and your hair,
Did you mean all the things you said?
When you were drunk and I was keeping you upright,
Safe from the wind?
I love you in the ways that matter most,
I’m sorry I’m not very good at it.
I’m not confident, or perfect,
I’m not easy to love.
Should I be easy to love?
I ask that a lot,
I know I ask too many,
Questions.
And you don’t have the answers.
But why is this day,
Aching at the heart,
Flesh ripped from flesh,
I never really understood you,
Will you leave me at the altar?
Am I the stars above?
Sometimes I feel like I am nothing.
Shallow
-under the night sky of influence.
Would you argue?
Would you complain?
And is it worth it, our lengthy refrain?
I keep it at a distance.
But I think I know.
At least the stars above and earth below continue to hold me,
Keep me still.
Until overturned cars,
And the colour blue,
Stop making headaches twist and rot behind my eyes.

I'm into the dark bloom
I cried for the doom by an obscene colostomy
do not dare to ask whose

I just shall not answer in my mask of crystal
I sniff my pain
I shout my regret
but, could I give this guilt a culprit or a name anyway?

The lines of fear start to turn out my brain
even if it is going to devour me
let me be mysterious
even if you know what the plot is
Is the light a fool?
Or just am I being the silly mime?
I disintegrate on the void of their heart
My head creates non-existent memories before my disease  
but at the edge of the lame time
who I am to blame?
Just lose you in the deepest ditch
where the ache is not drilling my walls
just the silence of my biggest penumbra counting my clock’s sand.

i'd cry

but
i'd have to have
tears to give

i'd laugh

but
i'd have to have
air to spend

i'd bleed

but
i'd have to have
blood in my veins

i'd love

but
i'd have to have
a heart in my chest

If I plunge a knife in my heart
And wake up again
Will I see a new life?
Will I see a new me?
Oh no, but I'm very empty inside
The knife would just
Find its way out free

my inability to feel
plagues me
defective

the endless lies i live
the conversations in my head
they encircle me

please don't take it personally
i grow colder with each passing day

as quickly as love turns to hate
as quickly as hunter turns to prey

meaningless, empty words
meaningless, empty eyes
crying void
trying to expel

someone else to give me meaning?
no, i'd rather not
i'd rather die inside a hollow life

Empty we are born
Emptiness we savour
We create
We infuse within
Into the emptiness, we go

Like shadows
Made of nothing, only nothing
Yet when the wind blows
We flutter
Creating empty sounds
Leaving an echo
A trace
Of nothingness

cold air is burning my face but the feeling is muffled, far away.
i look at you, stoic menace.
you are a block of ice and i am a flurry of snowflakes, raging, cold, soft.
you ask me what the heart speaks.
i do not know how to tell you what emotion is, just like i do not know how to explain to you what i am.

(things far too familiar are seldom easy to translate into a language someone might understand, a language that is not your own, a language you've forgotten the taste of)

mountains on my shoulders feel lighter than they should, and you take lightness to mean of less matter.
perhaps you think these mountains have a hollow center, are made of feathers.
you and i are two different forms of water.
i have known ice, and you have known snow, years before today.
i have known stagnance, you have known change, you took the word like an icicle to your chest, falling too far into your cave.
pull me out, you say, and i am frost lining your windowsill.
leave me be, you say, and you are a dull fog, whispering to glass.
through the glass, we interact.
you are trapped.