Nicotine*

I could hold your hand
through the hottest weather
(Your magnetic pull never
fails to draw me in),
I could stick to your chest
the same way my
sweat soaked hair sticks
to the back of my neck.
I could pillow fight my way
through sadness with you,
even though that's exhausting
with only a small, stand up fan
as the source of cold air
on a 40 degree day.

My feet were sore in the end
but it was worth every second I
got to walk besides you,
even when it felt like my feet
could not possibly
take another step.
And I love that eager, anticipating
look on your face as you searched
for your favourite collection of cars,
and I hope I am enough to wipe off
that look of disappointment
and sadness I saw cross your face
when you didn't find any.

The train rides are my favourite -
places where you can squeeze
my hand harder for
no apparent reason,
places where you can pull me in
for a tighter embrace,
the place where I could have
had a small nap
but instead kept myself awake
by counting the
freckles on your arm;
24 and more.

You smell of what you smoke,
I breathe you in deeply
enough it makes me float.

His head in exhaled clouds;
slipped into reverie of me;
ensnared and spellbound.

Puffed into a trance;
vaporized reality;
my face caressed by his hands.

Baby let me course through you
like your almond tobacco
--sensation you never knew.

Methanol*

I was a bandage
which you ripped off
as soon as your wounds
were healed,
because I was loyal
and what a mistake that was
because I can't be anything else,
except what lies on
the opposite end of the spectrum;
completely detached and indifferent.

Maddening methanol,
blinding me with your impurity,
but now I see
what a fraud you were.

"Losing" you didn't injure me,
your absence didn't sink
its teeth into me;
you were sour as
sudden abandonment,
I was more than glad
to be rid of *you.

Nicotine*

It was only supposed to be
a tiny, miniscule taste
but love had other ideas.
You are a cloudless sky
in my clouded mind,
In the end, I'm always
craving you.

You ever get that feeling that repeats,
like abstinence from nicotine?
You ever get that feeling of
wanting to be
numbed into bliss,
risking narrowed veins and arteries
for just one mind-silencing kiss?

I'll let passion sear my heart
and won't hear what my insecurities
love to whisper into my abused ears;
I can polarize what's blurred
and what's clear.

Ammonia*

A grudge...
maybe that's what
I'm holding for you.
A heavy package made of steel,
settled in my heart,
pleasing its own needs of
comfortability,
reminding me to
spit at your
parasitic picture of love.

We just need to hear
you say sorry,
my grudge and I,
in need of apologies
so much
we'll take it artificial.

"Excuse me?" our heart inquires,
"I'd like some oxygen."
But we can't listen to it,
not when there's so much to lose;
self respect, dignity.
We can't listen to that
stupid, little thing,
when there's so much justice
awaiting us.

"oh, just shoot me in the head,"
her voice was laced with weariness and defeat,
"it would feel like the same thing, the way you're treating me."

Vinyl Chloride

I will never believe
in you again,
There is harm in
trusting a delusive
person like you;
Your damage replays,
others can see the
debris from your mistakes;
if only I were made of bricks,
then maybe, you
wouldn't weigh as much,
but because I'm
not made of bricks,
I'm vulnerable,*
starring tired flesh
and equally tired heart.

You ripped out my eyes so I couldn't see the bad things about you.
You tore off my ears so I couldn't hear the lies you told me.
And finally, you ripped out my heart so I could never love again.
And you've kept it so you could always have me close.....