i'll rip you out of my chest
but keep you in my smile.
the tears i gave you left
your laugh wants to stay awhile.
your eyes were the best
i've had them since i was a child.
you talked to death
now our distance is beyond miles.

The air doesn't feel as heavy,
but it still hurts to breathe.
I think I'm going under,
but as much as I miss you,
I'm not ready to leave.
I can't tell you how I'm feeling
because I'm feeling everything and nothing
all the time. And as the days turn into years,
it seems like the only things that stay
are my fears. The fear that someday, I'll be OK without you. The fear that someday,
all that I'll have left of you
are love and memories.

Eyelids, always too heavy.
Glued for eternity
The moment I snap
Them shut. Then someone’ll clap
Or scream or shout
Their lungs out
Or tap
My shoulder or call
My name before I fall
Asleep. It really makes
No
Difference though–
I wouldn’t be able to take
A break,
Even if I wasn’t awake.

I realized something about myself,
That wasn't what it seemed to be.
I can whether any circumstance,
I'll make it through and be just fine,
No matter what.
And I found such relief in that moment -
Assurance, solace, peace.
Then more time passed, and passed, and passed,
And now I can only laugh and grit my teeth
Thinking back on my own naivety.
Because now I know what it really means,
I will never see the end - never see the light.
I'll just carry on and on and on,
And it builds up inside, so quickly
Too quickly.
And it's so ******* heavy, actually
And I am just so ******* tired
Of all this ******* trudging.

sometimes
the moments we steal
are not enough
to make us forget
that life is heavy.

sometimes
the moments we steal
are not enough
to make us fall in love
with life again.