our story was supposed to continue
but he didn't want that
so he put an "end" instead of  "and"
and that was the last of "us"

here goes another sleepless night with an uneasy heart,
the girl still wishes for the love she believes she deserves.
she longed, and longed, longed for much too long.
she knows her knife is never sharp enough to ****** her fear.

her mind is always heavy, running ragged with the worst-case scenario.
looping round and round, she couldn't find the emergency exit.

how does it feel like to be loved, by you?
to feel the love i had when i first met you
maybe i made a mistake that he turned away, maybe i pushed the wrong button.
i'm sorry—if it's the truth—can we start over?
fill my hollow gap, live in the void where you left.

you said you'd grow old with me, that i've never heard since the last time i thought you'd madly fallen in love with me.
i ask god, "how much does it take to have you back, like you used to? i'd go broke just to have it once more."

i made many sacrifices, but nothing ever seemed to fall into place; how long should I wait?

sometimes i wish i could beg for forgiveness to myself,
for putting her to an endless torture with no answer to its questions.

i love him too much; i should've thought twice.

I'm talking fast
Breathing slow
Exiled from life
Why you left do not know
Your absence stabs like a knife

Because too much time on my hands
Don't go to church or the bar
Stare at the wall trying to understand
How I have made it this far

It bugs me you are fine on your own
I am only half getting burned
Tell me to hit you up on your phone
My messages go unreturned

My tongue itches with irritation
Sentences I dare not say
Can't blame you for infuriation
I kissed you back that day

I suspected you'd never ring my cell
I'm wrapped around your finger
You put my heart through hell
Lasting loyalty lingers

Supportive of you no matter what
Liberated or in chains
Too deep down in this rut
To evict from my brain

All I know
I am tired
Yearning to rise above
Adoration has expired
Why can't my love?

I’ve spent twenty three years at war,
so when he looks at me,
he doesn’t ask why I haven’t gotten up off the floor,
doesn’t know that I’ve played this game before,
and I choose paper,
specifically the paper I used to write my first poem,
the piece of paper where I drew love out in hieroglyphics,
carved constellations into the page,
I think I first learned to make pain sound beautiful when I took your broken fragments and built a church with my bare palms,
I think it was around the time
I picked up the pen,
so I haven’t picked one up since.
they always say it’s such a shame,
but love to me is a shattered domain,
and this world is still ill prepared to swallow the pain.
decoding my feelings,
I’ve spent a lifetime baptized in shame.

I choose paper,
specifically the paper that declared my parents love,
and the one 12 years later that made the former a will that left me in possession of a starless sky,
an enigma, but still I never asked why.
left me in possession of all these matches,
with nothing to burn but my own flesh,
from what I’ve learned from love, I wouldn’t expect anything less.
there isn’t a map on the surface of this earth that could tell you where love lives in this body,
and if there was I’d use it as a my weapon in this game.
strike a match to its skin,
so even if there was,
you’d never be able to find it again.
put its ashes in a frame,
trust me,
no pair of scissors will ever damage your life quite the same.

I choose paper,
specifically the anatomy of every card sent to me with love,
because each one was as empty as the wine bottles in my closet,
each name signed marks a grave where I buried a part of me,
nailed myself to the cross,
just so other people could find meaning in my pain.
oh to be a saviour for the shattered,
still over and over again,
I found my heart slain.
I still don’t understand what there was to gain,
told that story on a 8.5x11 sheet,
and I’ve never seen a rock carry the same amount of defeat.

rock, paper, scissors
I explain this game resembles my insides, broken at its core.
rock, paper, scissors
like clockwork,my opponent heads for the door.
rock, paper, scissors,
don’t worry, from my eyes, you’ll never catch a drop pour.
I told you,
I’ve lost this game one too many times before.

i thought you were done with her
i thought it was finally the end
i really thought soon it could be my turn, but now i'm not so sure

i'm so tired of waiting for you
tired of waiting for something that most likely won't happen
but i can't let go of the thought

you were the only one who made me feel that way
the most heartbreaking part is that the feeling was nowhere near reciprocated
instead, you fell that way for her

Your words are hollow.
Each one can be tossed
into the sea and drift back to you.
You will never navigate
these shores again.