i had an image in my head of you:

perfect
you understood me
you'd always be there
i can trust you with anything

i had an image in my head of you
and thats all it was
my imagination
what i wish things would be like
but you're different
nothing like what i thought you were

or maybe you were what i thought you were
in the past
not anymore though
you've changed

but maybe you've only changed to me
maybe you're still the same person to everyone else
but me

It’s been a while,
A long while,
Since I’ve said hello.
I’m sorry to disappoint,
I’m not making much of a point,
If the word is no.
it doesn’t make sense,
But you’ll get it,
If you even check and print.
I’m sorry I’ve disappeared,
A state not so near,
For you to see even me.
I stress over it,
The life you live,
The choices you make without me.
Don’t get me wrong,
I’ve waited long,
To hear your voice again.
I wish I could see you,
From a state so clear,
That I could hug you one last time.

We can not go,
This, I have said this to myself millions of times.

But, that day my heart took the driver’s seat.
My mind stopped working like a well-oiled machine.

I was in the middle of the urban jungle, the concrete city of cars, traffic, and cookie-cutter homes...
The land of squared, sanitized spaces, and constant noises from technology, automobiles, and the noise in our heads to keep up with the rat race.

I closed my eyes

Then, I opened them again.

A different reality!
A dream, of course!

I found myself in a jungle of green, moist, humid sweat.
This was the land of  kaleidoscopic dreams;
The monkey’s howls pierce the air -
birds symphonically, swimming together in the air-
Life in every single layer of nature

I felt myself
Losing myself in the greenery
The lushness
The awe

I had time to contemplate
In my contemplation, I decided, the only thing in life is real is the story I create in life

And as I go through the forest
My thoughts become more developed and articulated

I slash at everything that does not make sense
I slash at every idea
Every preconceived notion
Of
Who I thought
I am

I cut like a savage warrior
On a mission
Branches, dangling distractions
Temptations of fruits and branches that grab at my waist,
And more branches, like physical arms tieing me down like chains

I slash the blade
I cut with no intention of where I want to go

Exhausted, I rest my head

In the darkness in the middle of the amazon

A jaguar comes to me
With their yellow eyes waiting in the corner - It observes me in the bushes
I sit still
Is this a message for me?

Wanting to hear what I have to say
I wait and wait
I stay up all night.

As I wait for prophecies
The jaguar eventually leaves me alone in the darkness

Dissapointment rages inside me
I am left in more uncertainity

But, my heart spoke really loud today
Something took a hold of me
I was not rationale.
I was not cautious..

I opened my backpack and dumped everything off a cliff
I ran and jumped in the blue ocean

Finally
I listened to my heart
Finally...

sometimes you want to give up
the thoughts fill up your beautiful sunflower soul
you begin to think is it really worth it
you let the voices in
"die"
"you're worthless"
"stop trying"
"you're fat"
"you're ugly"
the voices begin to chant
you slowly give up
you stop swimming in your pool of thoughts
you drown

but then the water slowly begins to disappear
the voices begin to fade
the demons leave your head
and your sunflower soul becomes whole again