there are corners in my mind in which you hide,
and you'll creep out at the most inconvenient times.
there are days when all i think about is you,
the way you smile & do the little things you do.
i can't shake you,
wanna break you,
but i'd take you back in case you….
change you mind….
wait never mind..
you were never mine.

Every year for 12 years
You've been putting on one shoe at time
And In my mind
You've been taking off one shoe at a time
Every year for 12 years
The Sun rises
and then you're awake
The Sun sets
And then you're dead

Remember the notes
Study them well
Forget all the pressure
They put in your head
Read up on rainy days
Write about sunny times
This will be your last day on my mind

Now I dream about you.
Pleasant dreams,
such as you cooking supper;
you singing as you clean;
your laugh.
But I wake up to these memories re-lived,
and I want to scream in terror...
I am haunted by your handsome face.
Awake, asleep, it is now all the same.
I can't stop from crying - concious or not.
You've left a hole in me that I fill with sadness.
I won't move on until you force me to.
I wish at least you'd appear as evil,
but you're simply a beautiful soul,
one I will miss and I will be haunted by my loss.

They hunted you down on that heavy cold night
They hunted you down on horseback like cowards.
They hunted you down. You were only a boy.
They hunted you down in the forest.
Red was the blood on your face in that nightmare,
Red as the waves in your beautiful hair,
Red was the fire, red was the moon.
Blood red was your shrieking that pierced through the air.
What savage world was this where we lived?
Our beautiful, primitive autumn land
When they bound all mercy and love to the water
Engulfed in the flames of the evil of man.
An inferno broke out from your tender red heart,
As they cruelly sliced open your body in whole
A terror that would forever linger in the trees
The fire of that night forever in your soul.

I’m not sure why I’ve been alone all this time
things started out almost vibrant
but I’m afraid you made me lose my touch
because for the past three years I cannot feel
I am nothing but this decaying carcass

I see love flourish around me
ringing of bells, hums of holidays in the air
I stand alone
and watch flushed cheeks
herbs hung above doorways
scarves wrapped tightly around throats
but all I can feel is
what I cannot feel
the only witness
my breath that hangs in a mist

this is not an illness that haunts me
but instead the undesirable traits of my being
like icicles hanging from rooftops,
I am avoided and knocked to the ground
as shattered reminders of
something that won’t melt
something that needs to drip down the drain
but is instead frozen to the pavement
and kicked aside by somebody
with warmth flowing through
thin veins and
a naïve heart

You write so beautifully**
                *Your mind must be a twisted place

It haunts me.
No matter what I do,
it seems the **** brown eyes never shut.

I can hide fairly well during the day,
unless it finds me in the instructor grasping my arm
(to get my attention)
or in a friend who playfully puts his arm around my
(neck not the neck).
And they don’t know that they have caused spots
in front of my vision and a barely suppressed
panic.

Baths are solace,
I scrub it away until I’m raw.
I shed it from my being in
red swirls that taint the inner walls of a porcelain
bed
(Hah, it never used a bed).

I **** in the heat from the scalding water
in hopes that it might burn out my temporal lobe
and destroy for good the memories that
wake me up at three am in a cold sweat
and a muffled scream
and the inability to remind myself that it is not,
in that moment,
robbing me of serenity and innocence and a full night’s sleep.

And God, why can the past feel so present?

I feel your presence staring,
I feel you stroke my hair,
I feel your icy fingertips,
I know that you're not there.

I hear you tap my door,
I hear you up the stairs,
I hear you weeping all the time,
The thought that no-one cares.

I see you move my things around,
I see you pace the hall,
I see your shadow in the night,
But are you there at all?