All of a sudden, I'm cold.
The air tickles my nose as it cools my throat, and my knees quiver under the cotton knitting of my jeans.

All of a sudden, I'm tired.
Everyday. All day.
The pages turn, each with less vigor than the last.

All of a sudden I'm sore.
My hands creaking; back aching.
Time stomps its stone feet on my shoulders, as it should, without regret.

All of a sudden, I'm purposeless.
The passion I admire slips through my fingers and trickles onto the floor like water from a dish towel.

All of a sudden, I'm angry.
Sounds of hate escape my soul through pursed lips.
I curse myself by laying seige to those closest to me.

All of a sudden, I'm stagnant.
Sinking in life slowly until bedrock.
My troubles rise through my toes like chains locking me in.

All of a sudden, I'm lost.
Alone, Pulling at synapses to recover what was once my image.

The air tickles my nose as it cools my throat.
All of a sudden, the man I once was is forgotten.

If you love me
Just leave me
Like the wave left sand
If you love me
Just leave me
Like your palm left my hand
If you hate me
Then stay with me
So I can't hurt you more
But if you love me
Please leave me
Walk right out the door

No matter how many times I say our problems can mend
Fate will never let me call you a friend
I told you that loving him would only make you cry
But you didn't listen and kept wanting to try
You put salt in the wound when I bled for you
You gave nothing back when I cared for you
But when I think about you, why do I still care?
When will I find love that's finally fair?
All I wanted was for you to have a life of fun
But like Icarus, I must've flown too close to the sun
Then why did you say you love me?
If I am blind, when could you see so clearly?
I had to comfort you every single day
And in return you make me feel this way?
And I knew I was rereading the same chapter of a book
I was in a trance by that one quick look
I thought you could be the one true friend
But I know how it was going to end
I love you so much more than you think
Even though in the depths of your waters, I'll only sink
I love you, but I hate you so
Now even I don't know if I should go
You'd make my heart beat a little faster
But I don't know if it's love anymore
So if I tried to say "I love you,"
You wouldn't say "you love me more."

Hey, Do you remember that day?
Inside the Little beautiful coffee shop,
You were waiting for someone,
Who didn't come that day!

The flowers on your hand,
Red roses and tulips.
The pendant on your neck,
Glittery and shiny.

The tears on your eyes
were visible from a distance.
Before I could ask,
You already left that place!

From that day you were on my head,
You became the 'fairy' in my fairy tale.
I look for you everywhere,
But you disappeared somewhere.

In your memories all I have is -
The pendant on your neck
Yes! you dropped that day,

If it's meant to be us ,
We will meet someday!
In hope of you , all I can do is
write another story for you.

Before the ink runs dry,
Hope to meet you soon!
All my eyes look only for you!

Don't know if this is love.
But there's something,
Beyond words,
maybe a few lines couldn't describe!

I would like to visit,
That Little beautiful coffee shop,
With flowers on my hand,
Red roses and tulips.

He gives money to his church
Fistful over fistful
I think he's Lutheran
or maybe Episciple
he talks about God
with words of silk
but he also talks about
"those type and their ilk."
I told him about a friend
who died of A.I.D.S .
where I live up here
and he told me
"I'm sorry Sam
he kind of asked for it
because he was a queer."

Sulfur yellow a watery burn
Created in an alchemist's urn.
Water feeds fire as both evolve--
The formula of hates resolve.

You waver rights to be treated fair
Like Sampson selling locks of hair
Or selling age to a 95 year old--
Sheep follow only to die in
their fold.

Fiery seas begin as a rift
Water being the only gift.
But nothing, nothing is ever
free
once transmuted into this sea.

But logs do drift and beaches
claim
All that gave this sea its name.

I hate you
You were draped over my couch
In my house
Watching my TV
It’s so easy for you to own everything
But act above it all
For when it comes down to it
You won’t be the one to fall
You take my advice
You occupy my life
You demand the qualities of a wife
You can never do wrong in their eyes
You ask and ask
You push and push
You treat me fondly if theres a means to an end
You never cared for my needs
And when I watch my life reach it’s bend
And the trail curves and I’m stumbling
Stumbling into something richer
Something finer than this old asphalt
You will still be there
In my house
Watching my TV
Owning everything
Except that will mean nothing
And you will mean nothing
You will have nothing except your painful mediocrity
The only living thing to watch you breathe
The only thing you never seemed to see
The only thing that cares if you rise from sleep
The only thing different from your family
Is me
I won’t be there, though
I’ll try not to, at least
I don’t want to watch you seethe as you take what you need
I just wanted to be there for you
I just wanted to be like your family
I’ll see myself out now
But not before I take one thing you own
Not before I can say one thing
I hate you.

I stood there and took the abuse
But in my mind I let it become my muse
My veins are filled with all that you left
Venom and a planned theft.

Planned my escape to easier days
Let you see yourself in too many ways
Did you like it or did you hate it?
I knew you wanted to break it.

And so you did and when you saw me
Behind the mirror in my glory
Did you ever think I'll tell the story
Of how he truly likes to adore me?

keep changing then
keep scooping out your innards
filling it with unrecognizable stuffing
smoothing it over for the girl in the mirror
keep carving out pieces of your skin
let them fall
let me gather them then
frantically sewing them together
just so that i have something left to remember you by
just so that i’m not grieving someone who doesn’t exist
keep altering the person i loved with all the tenderness i could muster
and with all the passion, i suffered.
keep fixing so that you can stand to look in the mirror.
maybe this anger and resentment is only masking the grief left behind in pockets and holes i pretend aren’t there

your old name on the bottom of my foot
and etched into fruit peels.
pretending that i wasn’t like a rag doll for you
pretending i was perfect so that the guilt doesn't eat away at me.
you’d even change your name
to resemble what isn’t.
what always was,
but was unfamiliar to me.
keep smoothing your skin over, dear lover
just please
let me know when you leave your old junk by the curb
so i can swing by and look it over
your skin rolled up like a battered rug
your veins as dried flowers tied with twine
some old bones as rickety furniture
brains for mildewed blankets
your heart as the pillow i lay my head on
the tear stains still noticeable after all this time
i'd softly kiss them off you had i been there.
i wasn’t.
so,
i'll watch you strip pieces so you can walk taller and prouder.
collecting your shaved and crumpled bits, in a weaved basket

flower picking.

no longer grieving, only accepting.