Standing solid and still
just like the red oak it once was.
I trust it will hold me.
It’s sturdy and reliable.
Like the man who once sat in it.
The man who once held me.

It’s a coffee and cream color with
highlights of gold
and low lights of auburn
and each crack and stain tells  
a story

The Maleficent purple stain
on the back right leg.
a toddler that would grow to be me
running with a PB&J in hand
unaware of my brother's Hot Wheels Derby
taking place beside the table.
All it took was one untied shoelace
and all I remember is a symphony of tiny cars
clinging and clanging
and four year old me
falling face first into the tile
As the PB&J propelled forward
smearing brownish, purple goop.

The crack where your left shoulder
might touch if you leaned back.
I honestly don't even know what it's from.
Maybe an argument that got too heated?
Or simple ware and tear over the years?
I never asked. 
I’ll never know.

This chair brings me both
comfort and pain.
Comfort when I sit after a long day on my feet.
Pain when I walk by and stub my toe unexpectedly.
Comfort when I remember all the times he held me in it.
And pain when I remember he will never hold me again.

Yeah,
It's been a while but figured I need to write you some
27 now and hope you're proud of who I've become
I've fallen a lot but felt your grace pick me up
My guardian angel with me pushing any kinda luck
I've been asked a few times who I wanna be as I get older
Said you just in case I never told ya
Grandpa told me what you did when I was a kid in need of guidance
Protecting my eyes from my father's influence and violence
I heard that and couldn't help but I shed a tear
Not a min goes by that I don't wish you were here
My drive is strong but everyday I know you
help me steer
My moment is big with the critics talking but you're the only voice that I hear
You taught me to always **** em off with kindness
When you show who you truly are when no ones watching - that's when you're at ya finest...
Taught me to handle it when I get set backs
Been through the worst times to get the best back
At times I feel I ain't work hard enough to get where I wanna go
And feel i can't move forward cause I ain't let the past go
Still holdin in some anger from things that don't think about me
I'm blinded by my emotions in which truly I can't see
I'm trying to become everything and more that you'd be proud of
I'm trying give back more and show more love
It's hard when naturally this doesn't go through you
People won't understand all this unless they knew you
I promise to get better and be the example
And showcase who I am instead of giving out samples
You're the reason I get up everyday and gain motivation
Because you can't get what you want if you remain complacent
Need your help to guide my broken heart to pure places
Give me the strength to become a lil more patient
So I say a prayer for you, cross my heart and continue to strive
And hope that you remain with me on my journey and never leave my side.
You was right but I had to see for myself
I guess it took time for me to earn for myself
I hope this is somewhat a thank you for all ya help
I hope the angels take care of you until I see you myself.

Rest in peace Opa
Miss you

The lights are dim,
Smoke is filling the room
He sits and watches this cowboy show
And I am writing this poem with wet hair.

Wow, I never thought I'd see jack from titanic in a cowboy hat.

I cant do it again,
I only began to feel alive,
and it was so easy to pretend,
that everything you had forgotten was,
well.. temporary.
How could i not notice that you started to forget what i had said,
that repeating my self had become a common occurrence,
I cant do it again,
feeling as though my time with you,
was a heart machine i couldn’t view,
and when you flatlined,
i would fall to my knees,
but a prayer won’t save you,
god has no mercy,
I cant do it again,
I don’t want to dress in the color,
that absorbs happiness and hides emotion,
I don’t want to be encompassed by sunshine,
but feel darkness wherever I walk,
hear about you,
but not be able to see you,
see pictures of you,
but not be able to take one of you,
I cant do it again,
not only I had a wounded heart,
you didn’t just hop off the side of the boat,
but you sunk it,
with everyone waiting on the deck,
hoping that you would come back,
we all knew you had shot a hole,
in the side of the boat,
and as the water slowly inched its way,
from the bottom of our feet,
all the way,
above our heads,
we stayed standing strong,
holding each others hands,
as silence and sadness ,
greif and worry,
flooded our minds,
but don’t worry we survived,
we remember your story ,
every day,
constantly living in your memory,
even though you couldn’t,
but i cant go through it again,
I cant go to school every day,
waiting for a call to the office,
hopping they won’t have anything important to say,
because that would mean it was all ok,
but silently hoping the day had come,
because that day all your suffering would end,
and you’d go into the white light,
see your mom and all your friends,
but if there is one thing i know for sure,
is that I can not do it again.

"A" is for Abuelitos left back in Mexico who are
Heartbreaking knowing the moment,
they see their children leave home
to cross a dessert they might ever cross.
Heartbreaking knowing once they do arrive al Norte
decades might pass without seeing eachother.
Heartbreaking knowing that they might not get to know
their nietos because their salud esta muy delicada
Heartbreaking knowing that their would be a chance
of someone dying in either side
and wont be able to say the last goodbye.

"A" is for Abuelitos left back in Mexico who
I have never got the chance to meet.
Abuelitos who I loved since the day
I saw pictures junto a mis padres
Abuelitos who I share sangre y caracter and face feautures.
Habra un dia donde nos reuniemos como la familia que somos.
Pero hoy escribo un poema en sus memoria.
Tambien para los abuelitos que me siguen esperando,
Los quiero mucho y sean fuertes

In memory of Memorio Covarrubias y Cecilia Martinez.

you are gone
but never far,
you left at dawn
with the shining stars.
my heart will be eternally broken,
but there were no words left unspoken.

Hiya gramps,

It's been a long time since I said hello
Not that I forgot about you though
It's just that things have been going kind of slow
I miss you, you just don't know
Honestly wish you never had to go
Life would have been so much easier wouldn't you say so
These tears wouldn't be flying like rain drops in the sky
Wouldn't be clinching this string so tight
Struggling not to say forget it all and just die
Belive me it's rather tempting but I could never bring myself to do it 
Always thought about that deathly frown you'd give me
And that judgemental shake of the head
Followed by the famous "I love you, but you got to try again"
Well anyways I just wanted to say hi I'm doing fine
You'd be so proud of me if you were still alive
For you and I I'll survive
Rest in peace grandpa I love you so much

A free verse sonnet
To someone I miss the most.
One of my favorite people in the world
I remember all your giggle and franticness
Your envy and affection
Your attention and appreciation
Your generosity and magnanimity
I am mesmerized by your feelings and prompts
Years of silence longing.
Miss the way how you mind
Still remember how you stare
First man who says I’m good in singing.
These instant words are the words
I doubt if I can ever tell to you, personally
I Love You Dad!
When you left I cried
Not because you’re not here anymore
But because there’s NO MAN,
Will treat me like you did.

Grandfather, I’d say
Come with me today.
We would see a world anew.
Full of the things we love,
None of what we hate.
We will have cinemas to keep us company.
Video games for the playing.
Lots of world to cover as time merely stops.
We shall feast at grandma’s cooking,
Enjoy a sweet treet,
And meet batman himself.
Grandfather, I’d say,
Its my turn to make you happy today.
He’d smile,
And gently take my hand,
As we run away to a happy place.
He knew no evil,
So we will see a world of fun and games,
And we’ll forget the bad names,
That we fought so hard to avoid.
I would take his hand,
Show him the way
To have a **** good day.
We will be in paradise,
No more need for dreaming,
Not cats due to his discretion,
And lots of root bear and pizza to fill our hearts once more.
He won’t have to deliver any more packages,
Because I chose
To take him with me.