Lin Jun 26
When my mother dies

I'll get a tattoo
not in memory of her
but in memory of her
hatred for tattoos

           I don't know

what the tattoo will be
I'll decide when I get to the parlor
what it is isn't the point
the point is

          how I'll live

will be up to me.
I'm not saying I'll be happy or sad
I'm saying that I'll have a clearer
mind to chose who I am


          without her.
Lin Apr 11
I wanna write a great poem
but I can't just sit down
and "write a great poem"
great poems
tap on my shoulder
in the check out line at walmart
they violently shake me
awake at 4:27am
they sing to me
through XM radio
on my way back to work
they only appear
when my mom is calling me for the 4th time
or when there's no pen or paper in sight
so i end up repeating it
over and over in my head
so I don't forget it
but
maybe i'm forcing a guest
to move in  
who just wanted to stop by
I wanna write a great poem
but maybe I should just
listen
Lin Apr 4
it's a lazy morning

light peak a boos with
cracks in the curtains
warmth seeps through the walls
every ray of sun kisses
every particle of earth

my senses react kindly
to a crisp salt breeze
that has dropped by
like an old friend i haven't seen
but certainly have missed


i watch the tide
waltzing with the sand
back and forth
give, take
him, her

i'm intruding on their intimacy
but i can't look away
the waves rock my mind
into a trance so deep
i have the most absurd thought

maybe, i am okay
Lin Feb 16
beer
pizza for breakfast
wearing a shirt 3 times before washing it

doing dishes by hand
reading old birthday cards  
stayin up til 2 even though i have to be up at 8

bonfires backroads
gettin lost on the way to a bonfire
because i took a backroad

a kiss between two strangers
at a bar on a tuesday night
not knowing a thing about each other

but

i'm drunk
and lonely
and through the years i've aquired a taste
for whiskey on lips and

because

isn't that the only reason
we're here
anyway?

realizing there might not be a god
or rules
or a plan
or a meaning to anything in life at all

but

continuing on
being kind
being fair
and falling in love with everything that'll let me

because

isn't that the only reason
we're here
anyway?
Lin Nov 2017
A doctor isn’t allowed to tell
a dying patient’s family
that they’re going to live.

When I’m lonely
I tell myself
someone great
is going to come along.
I’ll meet him
sigh with relief
and every tear, ache, void,
will instantly make sense.

But why?

Why was I taught by society to believe
I deserve a happy for every hurt?
To assume every sad moment
has a happy ending?
When this concept is the nature of stories
not reality.

A doctor isn’t allowed to tell
a dying patient’s family
that they’re going to live
because it might not be true.

I can’t tell myself
I’ll find someone.
I’ll be happy.

Because it might not be true.
Lin Oct 2017
Finding a lover is effortless
for some people.
They only want a few things:
Someone attractive, kind,
funny or rich.

But
I desire
something so much deeper.

I want

an intelligent mind
that wakes up thoughts in me
I didn't realize were hibernating.

I want

to converse, analyze and debate
without being conscious of
the sun rising and falling
between our words.

I want

to make a witty remark
at a coffee shop
so he can reply sarcastically
just for me to jab back immediately
and for him to comeback back playfully
until we're both laughing
stomachs shaking
spit flying
the whole store staring
and we leave
without coffee

I want

our hands to stitch together
perfectly
like two lost puzzle pieces;
one found under a couch cushion
one found inside a junk drawer.
The rest of the puzzle has
already been thrown away
but
these two pieces remain
and they fit.

I want

to fall in love together
then together fall in love with
art, museums, songs, poems
T.V shows, radio jingles,
greek food, backroads,
our mutual hatred for pop culture,
doing the dishes (as long as he washes and I dry)
wrong turns, piled up laundry, life.
Just fall in love with life.

I want

to hurt with him

I want

to save the world with him

I want

to meet, see, understand
and experience all that is foreign
with him.

I think it will only take us meeting
and it'll only be history and happiness from then on.

It's just a matter of if a love like that could ever be
and if a love like that could ever be for me.
Lin May 2017
Please,

for the love of God.

Don’t be attractive.
But don’t be unattractive either.
Be a male.
(Why are female Gynos always the worst?!)
But not a straight man who is secretly checking me out.
But also not a gay man who is secretly disgusted by me.

Don’t look so excited to see me when I come in for an appointment.
But when I walk in the door
don’t furrow your eyebrows while whispering
to your secretary through a shield you’ve just created
with my vagina-history-paperwork.

After decades of Gynecology practice
have we yet to find an alternative to cold, hard, metal utensils?!

Instead of you asking, wouldn’t a red line of tape be a better map
than your suddenly creepy voice
asking the most vulnerable part of me
to scoot "closer, closer, a liiiiiiitle bit closer, right there"
to your face.

Also, please provide larger cups for the urine sample.
PSA: OURS DOESN'T WORK LIKE YOURS!
It’s not a faucet that runs a straight steady stream.
It’s more like a water hose...
that the dog bit into.

And last, but definitely not least.

Oh God please,

Don’t tell me on my way out
“I look forward to seeing you at your next appointment!”

Because I do not
and I will not
EVER
feel the same.
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