Who knew
That we would end up like this
A giant rollercoaster that for a while only went up
I’ve never felt so high
I’ve never felt so good

Who knew
This rollercoaster suddenly would turn
I guess,
Everything that goes up has to come down
Every high has a come down

Who knew
That one year ago
One month ago
I was in love with you
I still am
But now I’m not even your second choice
Your B-team

Who knew
We would end up like this
Damaged, broken, ****** up

Once upon a time we were good
We were great, to be honest
Who knew…

Is it okay to feel afraid?
Because i
*am ******* terrified

Some days when I wake up
I look around, wanna burn the world
All we've done is fcked up
Now its time to get fcked

All these empty threats
And all these meaningless bets
Could only ever make us
End up at the edge

Other times I wake up
And look up at the ceiling
Wondering about my purpose and is it
Really true meaning?

To make others happy
They say you gotta be happy
A puppet on a string a smile
And a diamond ring

Don't sugar coat it
I'm allowed to feel like ****
And still make others smile
Even though it's been a while

Since I did so myself

The walls are caving in again,
It Happens every now and then,
It's Always got me feeling like I'm ******.
Falling in and out of bed,
Sleep so I feel like I'm dead,
Trying to get a grip is kinda rough.

You say life has lost it's meaning,
And that's true if you believe it,
But someday you will stand above your demons,
You're not beneath this.

He is who i think of after any ****** encounter
He is the ***** feeling under my skin

it is Him that i think of
it is Him that holds my innocence hostage
i ache knowing He stole my special moment
He took from me what was supposed to go to someone i love

He is the bitter taste on my tongue after i call someone "baby"
He is the terrifying ****** thoughts i have
He is the fear i feel when i'm in a room alone with a man

He is the fear.

how do you fabricate
dulcet tones
which absconds
through my teeth
as though
desolation never
stirred inside me
how tf do you do it

I wonder if he heard the bullet
                 if he heard the gun crack
                 if he knew his breath was his last
                 if he thought about his future
                          thought about his past
                 if he thought at all
                                  or if it was too fast
I wonder if he heard the bullet

Did love dizzy his mind?
Did he think about his girl-
How she would feel when his body she'd find?
Did he think about his friends-
Who he would leave behind?
Did he think about himself
                 Trying to survive?

I wonder if he felt the pavement catch him
                 if he was still alive
I wonder when his heart stopped beating:
   was it in the backseat of a car?
   where they left his body?
   Did they drag him far?

I wonder what he was thinking;
I hope that he was not.

His fiancé flew to a corpse, not a wedding venue.
His mother to a coroner, not a graduation.
His brother accepted his diploma, not knowing what had happened.
I hope that he never realized these things.