How long is a moment?
A realization, a dream?
How long is a lifetime?
A laugh or a scream?
A boy becomes man,
A reading and dance.
A new tragedy,
And an acid trance.
Another man remains a boy,
Guarded mothers, spoiling men,
Preparing them for lives,
Dominated by them.
Lastly, a young girl,
With a fetus inside,
Will swallow a bottle,
Of pale suicide.

Your heart is but a frozen berg,
of ice to never thaw,
the tip of it your poison pen,
though I can see a tiny flaw,

Shrouded in mysterious mist,
and cracking on the surface,
I approach you now to have a look,
though feeling kind of nervous,

A mountain made by falling tears,
eternally but cold inside,
you've been frozen far too long,
where only now does ice reside,
you see your fate it must be sealed,
bound eternal by your pride,
you see no other way I know,
no other way for you to hide,

An so my magic I must wield,
to call for you a power rare,
to dance in flowers of the field,
to dance again without a care,

I petition to my sky above,
for cracks again yet to be healed,

I call a deity of ice and snow,
you need a little light,
so again-
a flower grow,
even in the dark of night,
so it will melt before you know.

Even at the sweet request,
of ticking time.

Ma Cherie © 2017

Drove through snowstorms over icy roads
Warmed by the fire of my love for you
Following a lifeline of energy
Thought it led to your heart, warm and true
But there was only burning pain as you pushed me back
Erasing all the joy I ever knew
Signs were there that it was a trap
But the mine exploding in my face was my first clue

I found my heart today;
   buried underneath smoke
   & sorrows not meant
   for this world...

Edges sharp as razors,
   cold to the touch;
   ice would be warmer
   but I'm so ******* cold.

"What tempature does love freeze?"
asked the five year old ice scientist.
Her character sheet read: "Mage".
She preferred "Scientist".

In the beginning we said "An Ice Scientist can freeze anything!"
So she asked "How cold?".
Google told us "-300 degrees Celcius".
The Ice Scientist spent the rest of Dungeons and Dragons
discovering the Freezing points
of
"ALL OF THE THINGS!"

"I want to stop the Bard
by freezing the Queens love"

Roll for it.

"Nat 20"

The Queens love freezes.
She refuses the bards advances.

"YES! ...Wait, What tempature?"

70 degrees.
Love may freeze at any tempature.

"At 211.5 Degrees Celsius, Adrenaline Freezes.
Did you know that?
Your heart stops racing,
No more sweat, dry mouth.
The initial fight or flight reaction slows.
you see less red."

"Mom stopped buying Epi-pens;
they're only sold in packs of two,
said she's "Boycotting epinephrines codependency"."

"Adrenaline helps your heart beat!
Did you know that?"

"At 128 degrees celcius Dopamine freezes.
Did you know that?
With desire frozen
no sense of reward
you sleep more, eat more, slip into depression.
You aren't addicted to anything anymore!
unmotivated!
upperless!"

"Mom gave up coffee,
gave up chocolate,
can't even have ***."

"Dopamine makes you happy!
Did you know that?"

"At 121 degrees celsius, serotonin freezes.
Your well-being crackles on a car window.
The remaining strands of happiness, form icicles!
You can't regulate your mood,
appetite, or sleep patterns.
You are unpredictable and sick!
Serotonin heals wounds,
did you know that?
with it frozen, the scars you've collected
stay open!"

"At 0 degrees celcius water freezes!
you are made of 50-60% water!
half of your body is FROZEN
at 0 degrees!
Did you know that?"

"At -2 degrees celcius human blood freezes.
Your hands go numb,
like when you have no gloves on?
Then your toes! Arms! legs!"

"I think I would like the numb feeling
being frozen,
like Elsa.
All those tingles are the blood warming up and moving around.
Did you know that?"


I didn't know any of that.
you're very smart.

"Yeah...
...What tempature does Oxygen Freeze?"

Well, munchkin, let's google it.
Oxygen freezes At -218.8 degrees celcius.

"I bet it's hard to breath with no oxygen,
like when we get panic attacks".

Yes munchkin,
our panic attacks
are like a frozen lung.

"Do you think beautiful trees have frozen lungs?"

Do you mean winter trees?
The ones that look like glass ornaments?

"Yes!
the beautiful ones!
Like me!
You said trees breath,
When they're all beautiful
Are they having panic attacks too?"

Some of them.
There's no way to tell them apart.
Remember, Munchkin.
Trees always thaw.

Like the Queens love.
Like my love for you.
It just takes time.

"What tempature does love freeze?" asked
a five year old ice scientist.
Her character sheet read: "Mage".
She preferred "Scientist".

"An Ice Scientist can freeze anything!" We said.
"How cold?".
"-300 degrees Celcius".
"-300 degrees Celcius".
The Ice Scientist spent
Dungeons and Dragons
and the entire next Year
asking us the Freezing point
of  EVERYTHING!

"I want to stop the Bard by
freezing the Queens love"

"Roll for it".

"Nat 20".

"The Queens love freezes
As she refuses the bards advances".

"YES! ...Wait,
What tempature?"

"70 degrees,"
"love can freeze at any tempature".

The adults burst into laughter.
The Ice Scientist smiled,
gleefully ignorant.

I fell silent.

At 211.5 Degrees Celsius, Adrenaline Freezes.
Did you know that?
Your heart stops racing,
No more sweat, dry mouth.
The initial fight or flight reaction slows.
you see less red.

Mom stopped buying Epi-pens;
they're only sold in packs of two,
said she's "Boycotting epinephrines codependency".

Adrenaline helps your heart beat!
Did you know that?

At 128 degrees celcius Dopamine freezes.
Did you know that?
With desire frozen and no sense of reward
you sleep more, eat more,
slip into depression.
You aren't addicted to anything anymore!
unmotivated!
upperless!

Mom gave up coffee,
gave up chocolate,
can't even have ***.

Dopamine makes you happy!
Did you know that?

At 121 degrees celsius, serotonin freezes.
Your well-being crackles on a car window.
The remaining strands of happiness,
form icicles!
You can't regulate your mood,
or appetite, or sleep patterns,
you are unpredictable and sick!
Serotonin heals wounds,
did you know that?
with it frozen, the scars you've collected
stay open!

At 0 degrees celcius water freezes!
you are made of 50-60% water!
half of your body is FROZEN at 0 degrees!
Did you know that?

At -2 degrees celcius human blood freezes.
Your hands go numb,
like when you have no gloves on?
Then your toes!
Arms!
legs!

"I think I would like the numb feeling"
"being frozen, like Elsa".
All those tingles are the blood
warming up and moving around.
Did you know that?

"No, I didn't know any that."

At -218.8 degrees celcius, oxygen freezes.
Breathes winter trees
into glass ornaments.
Each panic attack, a frozen lung.
A car exaust pipe duct taped inside your back window.
A crowbar against it attached to a friend
A friend who saves your life.
Without oxygen you turn purple.
Did you know that?

Dear Ice Scientist.
There is a cryogenic chamber
deep in my heart where you have slept
like that queens love,
set to thaw with an oven timer.
While you rest
I will set fire to the blankets you've used
like in-scents, prayer candles.
Taste you hot in my lungs
like cigarette smoke
if not for long, for memorial.
Your afgans burned to ashes.
Each night I still cover myself in them,
pull them over my head,
rub them into my eyes,
swallow them every morning
like vitamins, or mood - stabilizers
because as frozen as the
blood,
oxygen,
water in my body is,
your memories were cremated.
My addiction to you is cryogenic.
Walt disney won't bring you back to me,
you are no hologram.
I will be cold.
I will die in this winter
I know falling though thin ice
is just drowning
which is no different from a frozen lung,
frozen heart.
How am I to pull farther away
when death is as close to me
as any other flurry?

"Mama, what's the tempature?"
"I'm busy".
"Dada, what's the tempature?"
"Well, Inside or outside?"
"Outside?"
"Well it's five below freezing outside".
"Inside".
"In here? Well, it's 70 degrees".

1.

Can I be Frozen?

at 0 degrees Celsius Water Freezes.
am I so fluid that I have the same resistance?
you are made of 50-60% water.
half of your body freezes at this tempature.

I am still not cold.

at -2 degrees Celsius Human Blood Freezes.
Am I a deadly cold?
Am I hypothermia?
at what point do you numb your hands lose feeling in your toes??
fingers, legs,
stop motor function
lay still in a wet snow bed
waiting for your body to stop
It has already slowed so much
do you die from freezing?
is the numbness the sign
you are getting cold?

I am still not cold.

At -121 degrees Celsius, serotonin freezes.
your well-being crackles on a car window
the remaining strands of happiness, form icicles.
you cannot regulate your mood,
or appetite, or sleep patterns,
you are unpredictable and sick.
Serotonin heals wounds,
with it frozen, the scars you have collected, stay open.

I am still not cold.

At -128 degrees Celsius Dopamine freezes.
With your desire Frozen, no sense of Reward
You sleep more, eat more.
slipped into depression
you aren't addicted to anything anymore
unmotivated, and upper-less
given up Coffee, chocolate,
can't even have ***.
-128 degrees Celsius has even frozen your bedroom.
You are a hedonists worst nightmare.

I am still not cold.

at -211.5 Degrees Celsius, Adrenaline Freezes.
Your heart stopped racing,
No more sweat, dry mouth.
The initial fight or flight reaction, slowed.
You saw less red.
Stopped buying Epi-pens in packs of two
killed yourself saving the $600
Boycotted Epinephrine's codependency.
Adrenaline helped your heart put out.
-211.5 degrees Celsius has revoked your anticipation,

I am getting cold.

at -218.8 degrees Celsius, oxygen freezes.
crystallized on naked winter trees
each panic attack wheezes a Marlboro lung
gasps the surrounding air
vacuums icy lifeless C02
without oxygen you turn purple

I am Frozen.

2.

I set fire to the blankets you used
like in-scents or prayer candles
tasted you hot in my lungs like cigarette smoke
if not for long, for memorial
your afghans burned to ashes
each night, I still covered myself in them
pulled them over my head
rubbed them into my eyes
swallowed them every morning
like vitamins or anti-depressants
because as frozen as my blood,
oxygen, water in my body was
your memories were cremated
my addiction to you was cryogenic
Walt Disney isn't going to bring you back to me
I will not fetch fire wood.
I will be cold.
I will die in this winter
I know falling though thin Ice is just drowning
which is no different from a frozen lung.
Your frozen heart.
how am I to pull farther from you
when death is as close to me
as any other flurry?

I can be Frozen deep into cryogenic slumber.
Thawed by some hearth,
or warm heart.
You called this feeling,
"Melting", didn't you?
Feel it again. and again.
It is always me, coming back.
Haunting you in the ashes and snow.

3.

You've Thawed.
Do you remember me?
It's been awhile.
My Name Is Love.