my heart
coils and quivers
grotesquely,
reaching out and
stretching the taut skin
of my limp body,
until it bursts
in a frenzied explosion
of stardust
and flames:
a fire, set ablaze
from within.

There once was a day when we both wore stripes
Distinct lines that undeniably connected us to each other.
Mine had already shifted to black.
Yours were still a light gray –
Soft and subtle.

Now I watch you stand on your own.
Head held high with understated confidence.
Be it sincere or feigned,
doesn't matter.
You're clad in plaid –
Infused with the stripes and lines embracing you all around as contributing designers silently admire in awe.

The black tee underneath —
the closest visible cloth to your heart —
pulls it all together.
You keep it concealed and dear,
Yet show enough to share.
Constant reminder.
We all know it's the reason we're here.

There will come a day
When your whole ensemble is painted
With every hue and shape imaginable.
The influences of past, present, and future
All melded into one stunning garment -
The monarch knows no such splendor.

Soon enough, the black tee will be cast to the side and long forgotten -
Inevitably replaced with an everlasting warm embrace.

Never again will I hear you say,
"I hate change."

I’d rather message you…
Instead I told my friend
about the decrease in red signage in this area.
I’d rather tell you…
instead I texted him
about the coffee shop eves-dropping
leading me to learn a bit of trivia
(fact-checking a statement overheard
I found it to be only half true).

I realized this morning
from a cordial text exchange
with a casual acquaintance
(Siri mixed his name up with my son’s so I apologized for the accidental call)
that his conversation was more engaged
than those with you.
I mourn that you, once counted close,
share less than my son’s classmate’s father.
I realized THIS
Is why I fear sending you these thoughts…
Perhaps it’s not really friendship you wish to hold?
but what is it you DO hope to retain?
Is it memory, possibility,
a thread of connection (never to be strengthened)?
All I know for certain—
this sinking disappointment
of friendship unrequited.

I wish you’d share
the heart-truths of you
as do the other friends I choose
to hold Close.

Hugging close, finally
Someone who’s hugging me back
With my thumb to her shoulder blade
Touching on bra straps while
She’s got her face in my chest
Both of us fully dressed, to be clear

“You’re my favorite,” she says
She prefers me to four other men
At least four with the
Three in the room and
The boyfriend she just got to
Make it official
It’s me
I’m her favorite

Maybe she prefers me to the rest of
The men that she’s met
That’d be swell and well um
Y’know, neat and stuff
She might even prefer me to strangers
Not saying that we’re well-acquainted
But we exchanged numbers so
I know her name at least
I think it’s really her name

boy meets girl.
like rose petals
brushing her cheek,
he whispers a warning:
don't get too close.
i’m not here forever.

as if it’s a choice.

girl says,
i really like you.
face like the sun,
trembling, she offers
a half-open heart.

he says,
i love you too,
like an unexpected hug
before the goodbye.
then he leaves —
just like he promised.
but he forgets
a part of himself
is now hers to keep.

I love them they’re so cool
But they’ll leave me to play pool
I love you do you love me
Cuz you’ll leave me soon as can be
there my favorite people
Wouldn’t trade yall for the world
Would you trade me
Or just leave me
Left teary
While you say you don’t want me
And I talk unnecessarily
So I shut mouth
Say I didn’t wanna come
You say your glad
You can tell I’m mad
But I still love you
And you still go

Against life, we grew wiser
Rooftop dancing at golden hour,
Theorising on human behaviour.

The music made us tougher,
**** - supposedly smarter

We were promised a future;
'brighter'
Yet nothing cut greater than trusting her.

Risking safety to feel folly,
Thriving in co-dependency

She made me lonely.

But our jaws and belly both hurtful, I was thankful
To laugh so freely, hide carelessly empty -
We built a nest of sufficiency for what felt like a century.

Still lonely, though
Shamefully hoping one day she’d hate me so.

I'm standing at the roof of the school, looking out toward the sky.

All the clouds here are grey, as usual. The same mundane, and dull weather that always appears in this town.

Looking down, at the pavement below, I make my choice. As I jump off the roof, the wind blowing against my body as I fall to the ground.

Only to stop in the air, and float along with the wind, unable to understand what's happening, I float in an awed silence, becoming alike the wind, gentle, and flowing, moving blissfully through the air, only to come to my senses, once I notice that I'm far away from the school now.

I'm hovering over a grassy field, and I slowly start to ease downward to the ground, feeling my socks press against the ground, a cold sensation moving through my feet, and into my legs.

I smile softly, walking through the field, and laughing as I brush my hands against the grass, breaking into a small run, moving in any direction I want, taking in the natural beauty of the field, before I come across a clearing.

Curious, I slowly walk toward the feeling, my mouth agape in excitment for what I'll find. Only to see a long lost friend standing in the center of the clearing.

My eyes tear up, as I walk toward them.

Is this real?

Are they actually here?

Are my eyes deceiving me?

They look back to see me, the familiar smile I've missed, stuck on their face, as I move close to them, tears further escaping me, as they pull me into an embrace.

This field, is an escape.

There's hope to be had, once again.