life doesn't stop, it hits you hard
right when you least expect it
and the people you thought cared about you
just don't
and they will say they are sorry
but they aren't
and its so hard to be happy every second of every day and
its exhausting the amount of times i put others before myself
and how much i care about people
when nobody cares about me

There is a place in me that sleep cannot touch- a place in which I cannot breathe
I go to the same places, sing the same songs, make the same jokes and still I am expected to be full,
Bursting with light,
The ice in your drink.
But I'm okay
I promise I am
But I am trying to understand the great divide between nature and man
The chemicals in the boundaries that separate us when all I desperately need is to collide and combust
To exist within the boundaries I set
The order I ordain
To be able to breathe
As if every breath were the first
As if I could some how keep inside of me all of heaven and earth
As if I could be
As I am
To be in the present
Though presently I am losing my mind  
This all fades and breaks in time
And in time
I will return back to you
Retrace my steps go to the same places, sing the same songs, make the same jokes and this time I really will be full
Bursting with light
The ice in your glass.
But for now I am winter
and the ice that has cemented my lungs and that weighs down my eyes is all I can begin to feel
That and the place that sleep cannot touch- a place in which I cannot breathe.

When did we learn this?
It's worth how much of our grade?
I'm dead, **** my life.

everyday she asks
Are you alright?
Do you have a headache?
You're very pale, are you hungry?
Would you like a cup of coffee?
Do you feel okay?
What's wrong?
and everyday he says
I'm fine!
and gets frustrated with her asking.
Everyday she opens her eyes
her first sight is him
breathing next to her
Everyday she proceeds with
housework, bills to pay
jobs to find, demons to slay
Everyday day she will ask
Are you okay?
While every night
she lies quietly
while thoughts riot
with tears on her lashes
and screams in her soul
waiting for his voice
to question the toll
Every night she lies silently
waiting for the axe to fall
Every night she hears
*nothing at all

sometimes the feelings
(those lonely and somber dealings)
just make it seem like i am dreaming

the sky floats all around us
(making us look so superfluous)
and it twists around in our guts

we tell ourselves to stay strong
(not without wrong)
but really we are just stuck in a pretty song

I feel sick,
My stomach churns,
Whilst my head burns,
And I wonder if I can tell you.

You said you love me,
Forever and always,
But tell me this,
Even if I live life my ways?

I told you this on April first,
And a joke is what it to you was,
So a joke is what I kept it to be,
Because I still require you to love me.