i had gotten
closer
than i
should've --
and i still
remeber
how it felt
to almost
be loved.

it was
a nice
feeling.

Love's just the lightening in a bottle.
The wonderful electricity that powers our beating hearts.

Life could be so wonderful, if you'd quit breaking my circuit.

When I look in the mirror,
I don’t see what they see.
They say I’m cute,
beautiful,
good looking
but none of that ever felt like me.

I wasn’t like this before.
As a kid, I never questioned my reflection,
never measured my worth
by the shape of my face
or the size of my waist.
But somewhere along the way,
the world made me doubt.

The older I get,
the more I shrink into shadows
of what I think I should be.
Pretty, but not enough.
Desired, but only if I fit
some picture perfect fantasy
they scroll past
and save to their dreams.

They say looks don’t matter,
but their eyes speak first
long before their mouths ever do.
And I’m tired.
Tired of pretending I don’t notice.
Tired of pretending it doesn’t hurt.

My brother’s voice still echoes
She’s not worth the wait.
When I look in the mirror,
I don’t see what they see.
They say I’m cute,
beautiful,
good looking
but none of that ever felt like me.

I wasn’t like this before.
As a kid, I never questioned my reflection,
never measured my worth
by the shape of my face
or the size of my waist.
But somewhere along the way,
the world made me doubt.

The older I get,
the more I shrink into shadows
of what I think I should be.
Pretty but not enough.
Desired but only if I fit
some picture perfect fantasy
they scroll past
and save to their dreams.

They say looks don’t matter,
but their eyes speak first
long before their mouths ever do.
And I’m tired.
Tired of pretending I don’t notice.
Tired of pretending it doesn’t hurt.

My brother’s voice still echoes
She’s not worth the wait.
Ugly.
Words not meant for me to hear,
but now I carry them
like a bruise beneath my skin.
Even makeup can’t cover that.

I straighten my hair,
dress like I’m trying to matter,
smile like I’m confident.
But inside I still feel unseen.
Still feel less.

My ex warned me:
If you gain more weight, I’ll leave.
As if love had a number,
as if my worth was on a scale.
He gained weight too,
but I guess his mirror
was more forgiving than mine.

He’s gone.
But the damage stayed.

Now, when old crushes reach out,
I disappear.
I’m busy.
I’m out of town.
But really,
I’m just hiding
waiting for a version of me
that feels lovable enough
to show up.

I tell myself:
One day, when I fix my body,
when I become beautiful,
then maybe
I’ll let someone see me again.
Maybe
I’ll finally see me too.
Ugly.
Words not meant for me to hear,
but now I carry them
like a bruise beneath my skin.
Even makeup can’t cover that.

I straighten my hair,
dress like I’m trying to matter,
smile like I’m confident.
But inside I still feel unseen.
Still feel less.

My ex warned me:
If you gain more weight, I’ll leave.
As if love had a number,
as if my worth was on a scale.
He gained weight too,
but I guess his mirror
was more forgiving than mine.

He’s gone.
But the damage stayed.

Now, when old crushes reach out,
I disappear.
I’m busy.
I’m out of town.
But really,
I’m just hiding
waiting for a version of me
that feels lovable enough
to show up.

I tell myself
One day, when I fix my body,
when I become beautiful,
then maybe
I’ll let someone see me again.
Maybe
I’ll finally see me too.

I love you.
I truly do.
For all I've put you through and made you ask "Do you even love me? Do you??"
I'm sorry.
I love you so much.
So much to the point where I'd rather not tell you how I feel because I know that it would break you.
I can't show you the things that I go through.
The demons I face.
The never ending race.
The situations that make my heart beat race.
Because I truly love you.

My mind called me foolish,
For loving a soul unfamiliar with my name,
But my heart always begged a question,
What if they felt the same?

My heart had memorized
Your grace, like a song,
But my mind would try to convince me,
It's all fiction, and heart is wrong.

Mind would often say,
"They don't know you, and nor do they care."
But heart would deny and argue,
That they're simply unaware.

My mind thinks that it's right,
I do think so too,
But what about the frail little heart,
That just wants to say, "I love you."

In front of me, two paths diverge,
One of my mind & the other of my heart,
One asks me to end it all,
And the other offers a new start.

Now I shall ask myself,
Shall love blind me, or shall I be smart?
Which path do I walk?
mind or heart?

there are no sides in this --
im telling you.
im not on her side,
im not on yours,
im not even on mine.
things happen
you just have to find
an outlet --
a way to feel
without yelling
in eachothers faces.

I fear to say
The truth of the matter
I kept myself closed
For quite some time
The fear of losing
I've kept my door open before
The room my heart lies within
Open for people to view
Easy access to
Grab
Hold
Cherish
Well once twas a possibility
After watching several
Yes several
People play carelessly with it
My heart can only take so much
Well I have spare keys that
I may pass out but
I am very weary of you
Will you accept the key
Will you try to run with it
My heart is hard to track
It takes me so long to locate it
But I'm willing to try again
Here you go
Here's the key
The room is a little messy
No one has been here
Except me
If I clean it
I might just be giving you
An easy route to steal
Or if we clean it will you
Protect it
Or
Am I going to just be searching again
Well
Here we are
You have the key
The door appears
So how about you
Come right in

The fallen knight

Who would have thought, he would be a fallen knight,
the once brave and mighty star has now fallen to his ashes.
All his praise has slowly been buried deep in people's minds,
as now he has become a fallen knight.
The one who once was hailed for his feats by the world,
and was in full glory, mortified by praises
has lost all of his praises and gloriousness.
As now, he has become a fallen knight
                                          
                                                                ­  __ Tess

I was once sad and lonely,
Having nobody to comfort me,
So I wore a mask that always smiled,
To hide my feelings behind a lie.

Before long, I had many friends;
With my mask, I was one of them.
But deep inside I still felt empty,
Like I was missing a part of me.

Nobody could hear my cries at night,
For I designed my mask to hide the lies.
Nobody could see the pain I was feeling,
For I designed my mask to be laughing.

Behind all the smiles were the tears,
And behind all the comfort were the fears.
Everything you think you see
Wasn't everything there was to me.

Day by day
I was slowly dying.
I couldn't go on,
There was something missing..

Until now I'm still searching
For the thing that'll stop my crying,
For someone who'll erase my fears,
For the person who'll wipe my tears.

But till then, I'll keep on smiling,
Hiding behind this mask I'm wearing.
Hoping one day I can smile,
Till then, I'll be here...waiting.

How hard it is to heal a broken heart.
Everything seems so dark,
And it seems like the stars even lost their spark.
Loneliness just pulled me apart.
It even killed the dreams I have in my heart.
Now I see the light because I learned to write,
Giving the silent healing I need to free the sadness I was hiding inside.